Friday, February 28, 2003

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CD: Robert Plant & Jimmy Page, "No Quarter"

Umm....The idea for this post was that I would go to www.aljazeera.net, get an article in Arabic, and post it here for people to look at and go "wUH?" It worked in Microsoft Word, and I was hopeful. The spellchecker even pointed out a couple errors, which I thought was interesting. It even posted well, but after pressing enter it came out all goofy-like. Well here you go anyway...note the number "1441" which kind of points out what it was talking about.

Ïæ ÝíáÈÇä íÐßÑ Ãä ÇáÞÑÇÑ 1441 íäÕ Úáì ÇÓÊãÑÇÑ ÚãáíÇÊ ÇáÊÝÊíÔ ÍÊì ÇáæÕæá Åáì Íá Ãæ ØÑíÞ ãÓÏæÏ
ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
æÒÑÇÁ ÈÑíØÇäíæä íÄßÏæä ËÞÉ ÈáíÑ Ýí ÇáÍÕæá Úáì ÇáÃßËÑíÉ ÈãÌáÓ ÇáÃãä áÏÚã ÇáÞÑÇÑ ÇáËÇäí æíåÏÏæä ÈÃä Ãæáì ÚãáíÇÊ ÇáÞÕÝ ÓÊáí ÇáÊÕæíÊ ãÈÇÔÑÉ
ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
ÇÓÊÆäÇÝ ÊÏãíÑ ÕæÇÑíÎ ÇáÕãæÏ/2 Ýí ãäØÞÉ ÇáÊÇÌí ÔãÇáí ÈÛÏÇÏ ÊÍÊ ÅÔÑÇÝ ÇáÃãã ÇáãÊÍÏÉ
ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
ÃßÏ æÒíÑ ÇáÎÇÑÌíÉ ÇáÝÑäÓí Ïæãíäíß Ïæ ÝíáÈÇä Ãä ÈÇÑíÓ ÓÊÚÇÑÖ Ãí ÞÑÇÑ ÌÏíÏ ááÃãã ÇáãÊÍÏÉ Úä ÇáÚÑÇÞ ÞÏ íãåÏ ÇáØÑíÞ ÃãÇã Ôä ÍÑÈ. æáßä Ïæ ÝíáÈÇä ßÇä ÍÑíÕÇ Ýí ãÞÇÈáÉ ãÚ ÊáÝÒíæä åíÆÉ ÇáÅÐÇÚÉ ÇáÈÑíØÇäíÉ Úáì ÚÏã ÇÓÊÎÏÇã ßáãÉ ÍÞ ÇáäÞÖ "ÇáÝíÊæ" ÇáÐí ÊÊãÊÚ Èå ÝÑäÓÇ Ýí ãÌáÓ ÇáÃãä.
æÇßÊÝì ÇáæÒíÑ ÇáÝÑäÓí ÈÇáÊÐßíÑ ÈÃä ÞÑÇÑ ãÌáÓ ÇáÃãä 1441 áäÒÚ ÇáÃÓáÍÉ ÛíÑ ÇáÊÞáíÏíÉ ÇáãÒÚæãÉ áÏì ÇáÚÑÇÞ íäÕ Úáì ÇÓÊãÑÇÑ ÚãáíÇÊ ÇáÊÝÊíÔ "ÍÊì äÑì ÃäÝÓäÇ ÃãÇã ØÑíÞ ãÓÏæÏ".
æÃæÖÍ Ïæ ÝíáÈÇä Ãäå íÚæÏ ááãÝÊÔíä ÇáÏæáííä ÅÚÏÇÏ ÊÞÑíÑ¡ æÞÇá "ÍÓäÇ áíÓ ÈÇÓÊØÇÚÊäÇ ÈÚÏ ÇáÂä ÇáÚãá"¡ ãÄßÏÇ Ãä ÇáæÖÚ ÇáÍÇáí áíÓ ßÐáß¡ Ýí ÅÔÇÑÉ Åáì ÊÚÇæä ÇáÚÑÇÞ ãÚ ÇáãÝÊÔíä.
æØáÈ ÇáæÒíÑ ÇáÝÑäÓí Ãä áÇ ÊæÖÚ ÇáÃãã ÇáãÊÍÏÉ Ýí ãæÞÝ íÌÚáåÇ ÊÚØí ãæÇÝÞÉ ÔßáíÉ Úáì ÞÑÇÑ ÇÊÎÐ ÈÇáÝÚá. æÃßÏ Ãä ÇáÌÏæá ÇáÒãäí ÇáÎÇÕ ÈÇáÏÈáæãÇÓíÉ ÇáÏæáíÉ "áíÓ åæ ÇáÌÏæá ÇáÒãäí ÇáÎÇÕ ÈÇáÍÑÈ"¡ æÃäå áÇ íãßä ÇÊÎÇÐ ÞÑÇÑ íÊÚáÞ ÈÇáÍÑÈ ÇÚÊãÇÏÇ Úáì ÌÏæá Òãäí.
ÊæÞíÊ ÇáÍÑÈ
æßÇä æÒÑÇÁ ÈÑíØÇäíæä ÞÇáæÇ Ýí æÞÊ ÓÇÈÞ Åä ÇáæáÇíÇÊ ÇáãÊÍÏÉ æÈÑíØÇäíÇ ÊÓÊÚÏÇä áÔä ÇáÍÑÈ Úáì ÇáÚÑÇÞ ÈÚÏ ÇáÊÕæíÊ Ýí ãÌáÓ ÇáÃãä Úáì ÞÑÇÑ ËÇä ÃíÇ ßÇäÊ äÊíÌÊå. æÃßÏ åÄáÇÁ áÕÍíÝÉ ÕäÏÇí ÊáÛÑÇÝ ÇááäÏäíÉ Ãä ÑÆíÓ ÇáæÒÑÇÁ Êæäí ÈáíÑ íÓÊÚÏ áÔä ÚãáíÉ ÚÓßÑíÉ ÍÊì áæ áã íÍÕá ÇáÞÑÇÑ ÇáÐí ÓÊÑÝÚå áäÏä ææÇÔäØä æãÏÑíÏ Úáì ÇáÃÕæÇÊ ÇáÊÓÚÉ ÇáãØáæÈÉ Ýí ÇáãÌáÓ.
æÃßÏ æÒíÑ ØáÈ ÚÏã ÇáßÔÝ Úä ÇÓãå "ÓæÇÁ ÃÑÈÍäÇ Ãã ÎÓÑäÇ Ýí ÇáÃãã ÇáãÊÍÏÉ ÝÅä ÇáÌíÔ ÇáÚÑÇÞí ÓíÓÍÞ ÈÓÑÚÉ¡ æÓíßæä Ðáß ÈÔßá ÝæÑí ÊÞÑíÈÇ¡ æáä äÊÈÇØÃ". æÃæÖÍ æÒíÑ ÂÎÑ Ãä ÇáÃãÑ Óíßæä ÝæÑíÇ Ýí ÛÖæä ÃÓÈæÚíä Ãæ ËáÇËÉ áÇ ÃßËÑ¡ æÞÇá "ÅääÇ äÚíÔ ÓáÇãÇ ÒÇÆÝÇ".
æÃÔÇÑÊ ÇáãÕÇÏÑ Åáì Ãä ÇáÃãíÑßííä æÇáÈÑíØÇäííä ÓíÕÏÑæä ÇáÃãÑ ÈÈÏÁ ÇáÖÑÈÇÊ ÇáÚÓßÑíÉ Ýí ÛÖæä 15 íæãÇ Ýí ÇáÚÑÇÞ "áÃäå ÃÎá ÈÇáÊÒÇãå" ÈÊÏãíÑ ÃÓáÍÊå ÇáãÍÙæÑÉ ÇáãÒÚæãÉ. áßä ÇáãÕÇÏÑ ÃßÏÊ Ãä ÈáíÑ æÇËÞ ãä ÇáÍÕæá Úáì ÇáÃßËÑíÉ Ýí ãÌáÓ ÇáÃãä áÏÚã ÇáÞÑÇÑ ÇáËÇäí æÃä Ãæáì ÚãáíÇÊ ÇáÞÕÝ ÓÊáí ÇáÊÕæíÊ ãÈÇÔÑÉ.


ÚãáíÇÊ ÇáÊÝÊíÔ
Ýí åÐå ÇáÃËäÇÁ ÃÚáä ÇáãÊÍÏË ÈÇÓã ÇáÃãã ÇáãÊÍÏÉ Ýí ÈÛÏÇÏ Ãä ÎÈÑÇÁ Ýí äÒÚ ÇáÃÓáÍÉ ÓíáÊÞæä ãÓÇÁ Çáíæã ãÚ ãÓÄæáíä ÚÑÇÞííä áÈÍË ÇáãÞÊÑÍ ÇáÚÑÇÞí ÈÊÞííã ßãíÇÊ ÇáÌãÑÉ ÇáÎÈíËÉ æÛÇÒ ÇáÃÚÕÇÈ "Ýí ÅßÓ" ÇáÊí ÊÞæá ÈÛÏÇÏ ÅäåÇ ÞÇãÊ ÈÊÏãíÑåÇ ÈÔßá ÃÍÇÏí Ýí íæáíæ/ ÊãæÒ 1991. æÞÇá ÇáãÊÍÏË åíÑæ íæÇßí Åä åäÇß ÕÚæÈÇÊ Ýí ÊÍÏíÏ ßãíÇÊ ÇáÓãæã ÇáãÏãÑÉ æÓÊßæä ÃíÖÇ ãÍá ãÈÇÍËÇÊ ÝäíÉ.
æãä ÇáãÞÑÑ Ãä íÔÑÝ ÎÈÑÇÁ ÇáÃãã ÇáãÊÍÏÉ ÇáÐíä æÕáæÇ ãÄÎÑÇ Åáì ÇáÚÑÇÞ ÃíÖÇ Úáì ÃÚãÇá ÍÝÑ ãæÞÚ ÇáÚÒíÒíÉ ÇáÐí íÞÚ Úáì ÈÚÏ 100 ßáã ÌäæÈ ÛÑÈ ÈÛÏÇÏ¡ ÍíË ÃßÏ ÇáÚÑÇÞíæä Ãäåã ÏãÑæÇ æØãÑæÇ 157 ÞäÈáÉ ÌæíÉ ãä äæÚ ÂÑ/400 ãÍãáÉ ÈÔÍäÇÊ ÈíæáæÌíÉ.
æÈÍÓÈ ãÕÏÑ Ïæáí ÝÅä ÇáÚÏíÏ ãä ÇáÞäÇÈá ÇáßÇãáÉ ÌÑì ÇÓÊÎÑÇÌåÇ ãä ÊÍÊ ÇáÊÑÇÈ ãäÐ ÈÏÁ ÇáÃÚãÇá æÓíÊã ÃÎÐ æÊÍáíá ÚíäÇÊ ãä ÇáãæÇÏ ÇáÊí ÊÍæíåÇ ãä ÞÈá ÎÈÑÇÁ ÇáÃãã ÇáãÊÍÏÉ.


ÕæÇÑíÎ ÇáÕãæÏ
æÝí ÓíÇÞ Ðí ÕáÉ ÃÝÇÏ ãÓÄæá ÑÓãí ÚÑÇÞí Ãä ÇáÚÑÇÞííä ÇÓÊÃäÝæÇ Çáíæã ÇáÃÍÏ ÚãáíÉ ÊÏãíÑ ÕæÇÑíÎ ÇáÕãæÏ/2¡ ãæÖÍÇ ÃäåÇ ÓÊÔãá ÓÊÉ ÕæÇÑíÎ Ýí ãäØÞÉ ÇáÊÇÌí ÔãÇáí ÇáÚÇÕãÉ ÇáÚÑÇÞíÉ ÊÍÊ ÅÔÑÇÝ ÇáÃãã ÇáãÊÍÏÉ. æÞÇá ãÏíÑ ÇáÅÚáÇã ÇáÚÇã Ýí æÒÇÑÉ ÇáÅÚáÇã ÚÏí ÇáØÇÆí Åä ÚãáíÉ ÊÏãíÑ ÓÊÉ ÕæÇÑíÎ ÈÏÃÊ ÇÚÊÈÇÑÇ ãä ÇáÓÇÚÉ ÇáÊÇÓÚÉ ãä ÕÈÇÍ Çáíæã ÈÊæÞíÊ ÈÛÏÇÏ.
æÃæÖÍ ÇáØÇÆí Ãä ÚãáíÇÊ ÊÏãíÑ ÇáÕæÇÑíÎ ÊÊã ÈÍÖæÑ ããËáíä Úä ÇáÃãã ÇáãÊÍÏÉ æÇáÌåÇÊ ÇáÚÑÇÞíÉ ÇáÑÓãíÉ¡ ãÔíÑÇ Åáì Ãäå ÓíÊã Çáíæã ÇÓÊÎÑÇÌ ÞÇáÈ ÕÈ ÂÎÑ Ýí ÔÑßÉ ÇáÑÔíÏ ÌäæÈí ÈÛÏÇÏ ÊãåíÏÇ áÊÏãíÑå Ýí æÞÊ áÇÍÞ. æßÇä ÎÈÑÇÁ ÇáÃãã ÇáãÊÍÏÉ ÃÔÑÝæÇ ÇáÓÈÊ Úáì ÊÏãíÑ ÃÑÈÚÉ ÕæÇÑíÎ ÅÖÇÝÉ Åáì ÞÇáÈ ÕÈ ÎÇÕ ÈÊÕäíÚ åíÇßá åÐå ÇáÕæÇÑíÎ.


ÇáãÕÏÑ : ÞäÇÉ ÇáÌÒíÑÉ + æßÇáÇÊ


Edited by: TomServo0 at: 3/2/03 2:35:45 pm

Thursday, February 27, 2003

CD: George Harrison, "All Things Must Pass"

OK, some time ago I named all the presidents I could remember in a post. I missed three. Now it's time to name all the states. This should be easier...

Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, North and South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota, North and South Dakota, Montana, Idaho, Washington, Oregon, California, Colorado, Wyoming, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, Kansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Nebraska, Wisconsin, Alaska, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Iowa, Texas, and one more! Arkansas! Ha HA!

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

CD: Bob Dylan, "Blonde on Blonde"

"I went to kennel and I got to work with the cats, finally! I have been in the dog room for the past 3 times. So anyway, all of the cats were good, and very cute. I didn't enjoy being totally covered inside (I swallowed and breathed some in...haha) and out by cat hair though. We did TPR's on all of them just like we do for the dogs. We also had to pill them...1/2 a tab of 250mg Lidocane...they didn't like that too much, but they were good anyway. Then all of us did the usual stuff, clean out their cages, sweep and mop the cat room, and feed them.

"So after I left kennel I went to the cafeteria. I decided to get a coffee, grapefruit and a chocolate chip muffin (b/c I am PMSing). When I went and sat down and went to eat the muffin, I was amazed that it was still warm! And it was fresh! The chocolate chips were all melty...my favorite! I was sssssoooooo impressed, I called my Mom on her cell phone to tell her about it...she was like...WOW! Haha! So yeah this was one part of my good day...the best part by far! Then when I went to Microbiology, I actually didn't fall asleep like I normally do! It was amazing! Then when we took our quizzes on fungi (molds and yeast) my prof. let us all work in pairs when she saw that no one knew any of the answers to her questions! It was kewl.

"This guy Joe (CarlWinzlow) that I went to college with keeps hitting on me lately. What is his deal? His he serious? Maybe he is...but I just told him that he just wants a piece of ***. He admitted to that part but wouldn't elaborate about anything else...eerr. Well if he is serious I know that he is a nice guy and that he wouldn't hurt me so we'll see. And Joe, if you are reading this...what the **** is up with you lately? FrEaKo..."

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

CD: Red Hot Chili Peppers, "By The Way"

I just ate a two-foot sub. Two feet! That's like eating a midget for dinner! So I am naturally very full. I can't move so well and I'm really, reallly tired. There is also an overwhelming urge to drink water. Strange, because I'm full, but I'm thirsty? Is that possible? I thought there was no more room down there. The only reason I'm online now is because I can use my laptop while laying down and I can't do much else. Why is it so tiring, like I just did some exercise? I can just see me in a gym right now. The sweaty guy next to me will say "I just benched 350 for the first time" and I will say "Yeah, but I just ate a two-foot sub." And he will look at me in awe and say "Dude, you must have been training hard." "Cuz two foot subs are nothing to laugh at. And they're dangerous if you don't use a spotter!

Monday, February 24, 2003

CD: Ben Folds, "Rockin' The Suburbs"

The cops called me up recently. The sheriff's deputy told me that he's been trying to get a hold of me for weeks. A couple of months ago I hit a mailbox at 3 AM in a snowstorm and not only did I leave the scene of the accident--I didn't know it was a crime if you don't hit something living!--they found my front license plate in the snow--I didn't know it was gone--so now I've apparently been on the lamb since Christmas. Even worse, I left the country during this time. I apologized to the policeman and I told him I was sorry he couldn't get to me earlier since I was in Europe. Then he says "You were in Rome? Did you see the Fountain of Trevi?" "Yeah I was..." "Did you go to that nightclub across the street?" What the heck? So the cop's a good guy and he says he doesn't want to waste time arresting me, which is also good. So next time in Rome....

Sunday, February 23, 2003

CD: George Harrison, "All Things Must Pass"

I didn't really feel like going out the other night so I told my friends to just go along without me and "get drunk." I instantly thought that they would have a great time without me. Have you ever heard the one comedian talking about how you always leave the party at the worst time, and how your friends call you up the next day and all their stories start with "Ten minutes after you left...!" Today I thought ahead and called the friend up first. Of course, what do you think I heard? "DUDE FRED YOU MISSED IT! It was like the BEST NIGHT EVER! Blah blah blah we met up with and blah blah party and blah blah we got on TV and blah blah SOOOO funny bork bork bork." Worse? THEN you have to tell them what you did, and it was "I read the paper and went to bed early." Bork bork bork.

Saturday, February 22, 2003

CD: Beatles, "Past Masters Vol. 1"

So my father was flipping channels and got to some old movie about the Lindbergh baby kidnapping. So he watches it for a minute and he goes "Did they ever get their baby back?" [ed. note: This is where the reader starts thinking "Barbeque Sauce."] And I tell him "No." Then I add, "They found it later." So then he goes "Was it okay?" Well if they didn't get the kid back, I don't know!! And THEN he goes, "Was it dead?" Oh my. I myself have tried to stop asking The Redundant Question. You know, comments like "Really?" or "You don't say" or "Are you sure?" I know it annoys some people to no end, while for others it is 90 percent of what they might deem--with conviction--"conversation." It's worse on the phone, where if you don't INTERJECT with banter like "Yeah," "Uh-huh," or "HAHAHAHA" people will think you're not listening and get all "Are you still there?" at you. Yeah, whatever, okay, bye-bye, see you later then. Have a nice day!

Friday, February 21, 2003

CD: Bob Dylan, "Highway 61 Revisited"

I just finished vacuuming. My father has taken quite a liking to eating popcorn, and he's also found a fine hobby in not picking up dropped kernels. 'Tis sad that I must clean up after others, especially with a college degree, but I do live here rent-free. I guess I should really be complaining that I don't yet have a career, especially with a college degree. Well anyway, I was sucking up all these unpopped kernels when one of them got inside the machine and made this giant POW. Then I thought to myself, "What if it's extremely hot in the vacuum, and it's actually possible to make popcorn INSIDE THE VACUUM CLEANER!?" I tried again as I drove over some more kernels but I couldn't get the same loud noise. Maybe I can get a scientist to work on it. With an unused vacuum bag, of course...

Thursday, February 20, 2003

CD: Bob Dylan, "Love And Theft"

I'm stupid, stupid, stupid. I've complained about this problem with my computer for about a month now. According to my stupidity, the modem wasn't working correctly, as every time I connected my telephone line to the machine all the phones would go dead. Well. So they sent me a new machine, and the first thing I saw when I opened the box was a big sheet saying "How to set up your computer." On that was a diagram showing all of the ports and jacks and whatnot, but it didn't seem right...after all, my phone jack was on the side, not the back...OR IS IT. You know how an Ethernet jack looks a lot like a phone jack? Well, that just shows how stupid Stupid STUPID I am. Here I've been making calls for about a month when all I had to do was put the phone cord in the slot marked with a little picture OF A TELEPHONE NEXT TO IT. This is stupidness of "Did you trying plugging it in?" caliber. No, worse. Almost to the point of it being, "It's loaded, but I clean it real fast." Bah!

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

CD: Dan The Automator, "Wanna Buy A Monkey?"

I have developed a theory which I call "Denny's Late Night." Research for this theory has taken about five years and possibly hundreds of dollars. The theory is as follows: when it's the weekend, it's after 11 and no one knows what to do, we end up at Denny's. Sad, yes, but true. I thought the theory was only applicable in the Buffalo area, but apparently it works in the Southtowns as well. I'm almost positive it works on Transit. Anyway, after arguing in a parking lot for near half an hour, the theory kicked in like clockwork. We TRIED going to Applebee's. We TRIED going to Chili's. We TRIED looking at shows and considered hanging out at someone's house. But the Theory, man. Maybe it should be declared a Law of Nature, like gravity and the Yankees. We need more stuff to do.

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

CD: White Stripes, "De Stijl" [again]

This is my post about paper clips. First you got your dinky clips. These are the ovular ones that are too small to ever be used on more than 3 sheets of paper. Can’t stand them. Then there’s the medium size. Those are almost okay, but sometimes they have little ridges or niches and I don’t know why. I don’t see it helping the clips’ semi-dinkiness any. So then you get the big ovular ones, which are cool. You can put like 25 sheets in there securely. Awesome. You also have those ones that look like two triangles welded together. I may prefer these. In this case the mediums are probably best because the large ones tend to let sheets slip out if don’t use them on enough papers (ten minimum is probably good). Then you got the black clamps. They usually only come in one size, unless you’re some sort of industrial secretary. You need at least 30 sheets for those. Ever use them with only 15 sheets? Schwag. So my pick goes to the medium-size triangle clips. Word is bond. And with that, I have written a post about paper clips. We can only go up from here.

Monday, February 17, 2003

CD: Justin Timberlake, "Justified"

[It's actually not half bad. It's not half good, either, but it's not half bad.]

The best part about talking to other teachers is hearing their stories. There are a lot of odd children out there….Anyway all you have to do is mention one interesting thing that happened “in my school today…” and they will all chime in. It reminds me of a pick-up game of basketball, actually. It starts out with you just shooting around, nonchalantly, at an empty hoop. Then some friends shoot around with you. That’s cool; you’re just enjoying the company. Then it gets competitive. They want to play a real game. But you wanted to just shoot around, dangit, you didn’t want to work up a sweat or anything. But now you have to do it. And then someone’s playing defense on you and they get all up in your face, thinking their story, I mean their game is better than yours. And then you have to fight them. They chose knives. Stay cool, boy. Bernardo, no!

Sunday, February 16, 2003

CD: various, "The Roots Of Rap"

This is going to sound extremely disgusting but I think I’m sick again. This time it involves the collection of metric tonnes of mucus, phlegm, snot, spit, and other things that are pretty much the same thing in the way that magma and lava are synonyms. No later than every thirty minutes of every day this week, I must go through the process of draining myself. Blowing my nose has become a marathon event—and no, it’s not running! Each nostril, one at a time, must be configured to give ample space for “release”; basically meaning that it’s like a canal lock in there. It will take days to get there, sure, but eventually the stuff will reach its destination. Unless it goes the express route, which is a singular violent, unexpected and potentially embarrassing cough. But that’s enough about that.

Saturday, February 15, 2003

CD: White Stripes, "De Stijl"

Joe’s making fun of me because he’s a stupid idiot. Here I am at his TA office at UB, just making sure he’s not minding his own business and working hard, and here he’s all “bork bork bork chemistry bork bork” and trying to correct papers. Well phooey on him. I’m looking at him right now, the big oaf. With his big, reddish sideburns and $110 blue jeans, telling me how he finally got this ONE problem done after working on it all day. Oh, now here he goes, out the door. Going to be stupid elsewhere. What a moronic imbecile. I’m not sure if I believe this “chemistry” stuff exists or he’s just writing a bunch of arrows and numbers on a page. Real scholars are going to look at his notes one day and tell everybody he’s King Tut. Wherever he is now, I hope he falls in. Hi Joe, I know you’re reading.

Friday, February 14, 2003

CD: Dan The Automator, "Wanna Buy A Monkey?"

So anyway the good folks at Dell are like anyone else when you have a complaint. First they actually try to help you, because chances are you're dumb and fixing the problem will only take a second. When it's something worse, they'll try to sound like they're helping but they really don't know what they're talking about. They will offer you a solution that might not work, but it pacifies you and keeps you off their tail. They sent me some replacement parts, but in a couple days I would have to call them back and complain again. So they tried Step 2 on me again and I was like "been there." That means I had to step it up by myself, and demand to see a manager. Of course I had to tell the operator that "it's not your fault, but I have to speak to them," because if you don't they either think you're hostile and need more psychologial support than technical, or you want to get them fired out of blind vengeance. If you keep bugging the manager--who will try only to reiterate all the bad solutions you've heard before--they WILL help you out, but only according to protocol. In this case I learned that the company's last resort is to give you a new hard drive. It has nothing to do with fixing a modem, but play along. The next day the hard drive came in the mail, the modem still didn't work, I called in again all formal like, and it was all wham, new computer, thank you ma'am. And to think I didn't learn anything while working at Burger King....

Thursday, February 13, 2003

CD: Jurassic 5, "Bonus Tracks" promo

There's a commercial playing on TV nowadays that supposedly shows the Dell Tech Support Center (the Interns turn the lights off on them at night). The point of the ad is to show that the good folks at Dell work 24/7 to handle Your Call and help you get on your way. Like all ads, half of it is true. Yes, they're actually quite helpful and polite and whatnot, but there is a glaring error in this one. In the commercial, everyone speaks English! I dare you to call Dell Tech Support and get someone who speaks English as a first language! And after about a month of pondering it, I've finally decided that the people who DO work there in Real Life are all Korean. Why are they all in Nashville? No clue! But it sounds like I keep calling the Wong Family Reunion because they all sound the same, and they're nice as h*ck but NONE of them can get my laptop working. Oy!

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

CD: Blur, "M.O.R."

It’s around President’s Day, so here’s my attempt to remember all 43 Presidents by the end of this television show. Ready? Harrison (2), Johnson (2), Roosevelt (2), Bush (2), Adams (2), Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, Jackson, Fillmore, Polk, Arthur, Lincoln, Pierce, Cleveland (counts twice, non-consecutive terms), Van Buren, Garfield, McKinley, Kennedy, Taft, Wilson, Harding, Coolidge, Hoover, Truman, Eisenhower, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Clinton, Grant, Hayes…uhh, Letterman, Shaffer and, uh, Schrock. Nuts, I was THIS close….Stupid 19th century.

N.B. Missed: Tyler, Taylor, Buchanan

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

CD: Mahalia Jackson, "Gospels, Spirituals, & Hymns" disc II

My first decree as Emperor of the Free World will be to suppress all those who dare question my power. That goes without saying, really. All opposition must be squashed. How to destroy these rebel forces is the problem. Should I simply isolate and ostracize them? Should I infiltrate their infrastructure and tear them apart from within? Should I kill off their leadership and let the society fall into riotous turmoil? Should I bribe the populace with weapons, food, and lower taxes? Oh well. The second decree is to ban nuclear weapons, because everyone who opposes me will be gone so I won’t need them anymore. That was hard. Third? I’m buying the Buffalo Sabres. They will also get 25 points added to their season record so when they don’t make the playoffs this year it won’t look so bad.

Monday, February 10, 2003

CD: Mahalia Jackson, "Gospels, Spirituals, & Hymns" disc I

If you have a satellite dish, you can watch tons of sports you’ve either never heard of or never really cared about. Right now the World Cup of Cricket is playing a reel of highlights. I still don’t know what the heck they’re doing over there, but they seem to be training pretty hard. I can watch handball, curling, lacrosse, and something that I think is called slamball. Slamball is basketball, but with trampolines built into the floor. So now the players can dunk from three-point range, assuming someone doesn’t try to block them in midair, causing them to collide twenty feet up. And hit the ground. And bounce back up. The first time I saw it I thought it was a Gatorade ad, but then they cut to commercial. I just sat there thinking “Wuh?” Have you seen this sport? Oddness.

Sunday, February 09, 2003

CD: Pete Seeger, "American Industrial Ballads"

The President used to look really stupid, like the kind of guy that needs extra time to read things. But since that whole September 11th thing, and that whole Iraq up the wazoo thing, it looks like he’s been thinking a lot more. You know, really pondering stuff and doing some problem solving. So now he looks smarter, but he also looks angrier. It’s been my racist opinion that dumb people are usually happier. I think it’s because they know of more problems in the world, like war and famine, while the not-so-thoughtful people watch American Gladiators. And while looking at this weblog a second time before posting it, I can see that my lack of word variety, such as the using the word “thing” three times instead of using more descriptive diction, just proves that I’m at least borderline inside the American Gladiators group.

Saturday, February 08, 2003

CD: Coal Chamber, "Chamber Music"

Sometimes sentences seem really strange out of context. I heard one of them from a friend several weeks ago. He said, “I got addicted to sushi in Nashville.” Addicted? Sushi? Nashville? Those are three nouns I never thought I’d hear in succession. Anyway, it’s just a fun game to play with yourself if you feel bored at work, school, or especially while talking to your parents. (They always end up bringing up medical stuff, and that’s hilarious.) So the newest addition to the canon was at church the other day. At the end of the sermon the pastor gave this big, involved story about, um, lots of stuff. To sum up, he said: “God may not need your baloney, but he wants to give you his chicken.” Yep. Goodnight.


Edited by: TomServo0 at: 2/18/03 5:49:19 pm

Friday, February 07, 2003

02 07 03
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CD: Ben Folds Five, "The Unauthorized Biography Of Reinhold Messner"

I haven’t added to this weblog thing in a long time. And you know what? I don’t really want to! BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! But I’ve been thinking about a few things. Like, would you rather find mayonnaise in your peanut butter jar, or peanut butter in your mayonnaise jar? Think about it. What else was I thinking about? I forgot. Ooh! Why is a bicycle called a bike and a tricycle called a trike but a unicycle not called a unike? I need answers! Why do animals follow kids home, but don’t follow adults? Why did that one guy quit Limp Bizkit? Why are they called Limp Bizkit? Why did they spell Bizkit with a Z? Why does everyone else call Z “Zed”? Who thought up all these silent letters? I DON’T LIKE SILENT LETTERS. Especially when it’s P. Silent Ps are messed up. Hey, I wrote another post!


Edited by: TomServo0 at: 2/18/03 5:47:47 pm

Thursday, February 06, 2003

CD: Liz Phair, "Whip-Smart"

For those of you that don't know, I'm keeping my eye on you. I have saved, with several exceptions, every IM conversation and every personal E-mail from the past 4+ years. That means you can pick a day--any day--and I can tell you what you said to me. (I can also tell you what other people said about you, but that would go against my principles.) When I sent my computer in for repairs I kept these texts online, stored in my online mailbox, but after a month without a base the mailbox is getting full. Now I must transfer almost 200 correspondences to permanent data storage (a disc). That's going to take me a long, freaking time. Nuts. But if you ever DO want to know what you were saying (especially when you weren't sober, which happens more offen than you'd like to admit it) give me a ring. (P.S., I don't record phone conversations.)

jeoffroi (4:21:49 PM): the language of blog is a language of paradox
jeoffroi signed off at 4:21:52 PM.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

CD: Squirrel Nut Zippers, "The Inevitable"

I was just thinking back to about a month ago when my father enlisted my help to get a desk out of my church in the middle of the night. It was one of those larger secretaries' desk with the filing cabinets built in. Also remember that it was around 0 degrees outside and windy, and the path from the door to the car was uphill and covered with about six inches of ice. The desk took an ample amount of pushing just to get it through the door (it technically did not fit), but it was the freezing cold and the absolute lack of solid footing that did me in. And I must be honest: right there, in front of my father and on church property, I still yelled out "F*CK!" as I slipped and let that 250 pound piece of office furniture fall on top of me. The end.

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

CD: Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, “Xtra Acme USA”

For some reason this little light has been on in my car that says something like “Service” underneath it or something. I had no idea. Eventually I had to pull out the manual and find out what the bloody thing actually WAS, let alone what it meant. After searching through a few pages of hieroglyphics, I found out it was the Engine light. That could mean a lot of things, like “the car’s computer needs tweaking” or “it’s going to blow up.” I figured it was closer to the first thing and only yesterday got an appointment at the dealership. After setting a time they gave me some line about the gas cap not being on tight enough or something, and to check that, but it’s almost an insult to my intelligence to suggest I missed something like that (of course, I once drove from Indianapolis to Columbus with the tank door upon). I then tried to think of something quick, almost an excuse to say I was in there for a Reason other than ineptitude. “Well, I, uh, hit a couple mailboxes a while back.” “Oh!” they collectively cried. That was a couple months ago, but I got those guys on my side now. Plus, now they’ve got a story to ask me about when I’m hangin’ out over there tomorrow! Keen!

Monday, February 03, 2003

CD: Black Label Society, “Black Label Society”

Joe was in my room the other day and commented on all the books I had. Well thank you Joe! Looking at them right now it does seem like I have a lot of books--like a wall full. I must admit, however, that it is an illusion. For instance, about a quarter of my shelf space is taken up by vinyl records. It means I’m less of a reader, though it does make me cooler. There is a small section at the top corner which is really not books but old magazines and yearbooks, which are only worth looking at once every couple of years. My stereo takes up the rest of the top shelf. So that leaves only three small shelves worth of books. Now I must admit that I read a whole shelf of me. I did NOT, however, read the other two shelves! For example, about one shelf is a bunch of history textbooks I took for free from a teacher that wanted to get rid of the promotional stuff she’s saved over the years. And the third shelf? On the bottom of each book is a little sticker that says USED SAVES. No REAL book-reader in their right-thinking mind would proudly display Used Book stickers on their Used Books! Take a second look, Joe, I’m not as smart as I look!

Sunday, February 02, 2003

CD: Eminem, ¡§The Eminem Show¡¨

I¡¦ve been going back and forth with the good people at Dell because my computer is messed up. I thought that they must have these giant banks of people in Customer Service, but apparently there¡¦s just this guy named Walter that handles all my calls. Poor Walter. He has an accent from who-knows-where, and he does this weird thing where he slows down and speeds up what he says in mid-phrase, sometimes pausing in between. If I knew what the accent was, I might be able to translate! Anyway, the first couple of times I called Walter seemed all chipper and ¡§How may I help you?¡¨-ish. (Kind of cocky, too, if you ask me.) But today he seemed depressed. He talked slower and signed before he said stuff like ¡§Thank you for calling Dell. How may I help you today.¡¨ „²Note the period! I hope everything is all right at home. Walter seems like a decent guy, and having to work at Tech. Support you gotta feel bad for him. Sadly, the two hours I spent with him today probably just made him feel worse ¡¥cuz he couldn¡¦t help out at all. He seemed happier at Wegmans.

Saturday, February 01, 2003

CD: U2, "Best Of 1990-2000"

This afternoon I finally got my voice back enough that I can speak whole sentences with cracking or going into a coughing fit--well, mostly. But it has also given me an extremely low voice. Maybe I have somehow widened my voice box or something, I don't know, but when I can talk I sound like Barry White. So my brother met one of my friends at his work today and they decided to call me. First they didn't know who it was, but once they figured out the situation they put me on Speaker Phone at Guitar Center and had me say stuff for fun like "Ohhhhh Bay-bee" reeeeel slooooow. This is the one part about strep throat that I'm going to miss. That and sleeping in until... well, sometimes I didn't "technically" get up. I wonder if it's possible to get my voice box surgically widened so I can talk like Barry White all the time! Oh baby! Or James Earl Jones at least! "THIS IS CNN." Cool!