Thursday, April 29, 2004

Last night I went to a lecture by a guy who had some pretty pointed views about modern Jewish historiography. The hall was packed and their were a lot of tensions in the audience. After going to a number of lectures this year--What else should I be doing, actual work?--I've categorized several types of persons that go to these events:

1) People who want to listen with an open mind. I'd like to think I'm one of those, especially since I had no idea who this guy was before the lecture.

2) People who agree with a guy so much they'd marry him if they could. They laugh at the guy's jokes a little to hard, usually followed by applause. These people come to see their murky beliefs solidified by a person that concurs with them but can also write a book about it.

3) People who disagree with a guy enough that they'd beat him in a back alley somewhere, and are sick enough that they'd listen to him rant just to make themselves angrier. These people are a rare breed; there might be a handful in the audience, but they leave early. They mutter stuff when they leave. Since last night's lecture was about the Middle East, the muttering was in foreign languages. They must be really bored.

4) People who disagree with a guy enough that they want him dead. These people are like #3 but they show up more often, armed with fliers, placards, poorly functioning medullas, pre-written lists of errors in scholarship, demanding voices and no manners. During Q&As they are often found confusing the word "lecture" with "debate" and the word "question" with "rambling statement of contradictory personal beliefs". Last night these people required a police presence and threats of physical removal. Though noticable, these people are generally rare. Bill O'Reilly is one of these people: his species only exists in wildlife refuges but he's still the World-Famous Great Bucking Donkey.

5) Hippies and retired people. Soon we can call them "retired hippies." They go to anything. These people are also known as "distinguished faculty".

In order of population, it usually goes #2, #5, #4, #1, #3.

Monday, April 26, 2004

For my birthday I got something called the Presto Pizzazz (R) which promises "Freezer to perfect [pizza] in minutes. While ordinary ovens are heating, you're eating." Instead of being a regular oven, it's more like a hot plate that looks like a cross between the front of the Starship Enterprise and a Mr. Fusion machine from Back To The Future. Apparently it will shave 10-15 minutes off of my waiting-for-pizza-to-cook time, which I usually spent folding laundry, reading mail, or doing something else constructive (e.g. using the bathroom). Now I'll be saving so much time nothing will get done.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

I just got a digital camera with a 512 mb memory chip. Generalissimo Photog is back with a vengeance.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Today a package came to my house from Pueblo, Colorado. You ever see those ads on the TV that say you can get a catalog of free information from the government, and all you have to do is write to Pueblo, Colorado? Well guess what I did. Not only that, they gave me 15 copies of everything. The box weighed about twelve pounds. If you ever desire a booklet on how to invest wisely, what medicines not to mix, or how you will be affected by the onset of menopause, I'm the man you want to see.

Monday, April 19, 2004

April 19 is important for many reasons. The Battle of Lexington & Concord was on April 19, 1775 in what is now known as "Patriots Day" in Massachusetts. On April 19, 1993, the US Government attacked the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, leaving scores of men, women and children dead. Timothy McVeigh, who would later show up in Waco to protest the act, planned and executed the Oklahoma City Bombing of April 19, 1997 in retaliation. He often quoted Founding Father Thomas Jefferson in defense of his actions, saying "The tree of liberty must be refreshed with the blood of tyrants and patriots." As in 1775, on April 19, 1943 an unknown gunshot in Warsaw, Poland began a forty-two day rebellion of the city's Jews against Nazi attempts to transfer them to extermination camps.

So there you go. Tomorrow's just as bloody: Hitler's birthday AND the Columbine Massacre. Enjoy your week!

Saturday, April 17, 2004

After this year's more than 100 days of unshortsmanlike conduct from Mother Nature, I finally got to expose my legs to the outside world. What a pristine day, and what white, white flesh. Methinks it's time for a haircut.



Thursday, April 15, 2004

Today was Tax Day, which I remembered by remembering that Subway would give out free cookies today. Without purchase! As I drove by the Subway, however, the shades were pulled. I think it was still open, but it made me think twice. I kept driving. Turning around is almost a shameful act, so it was on to another destination. Subway 1, Me 0. Foiled again! Just you wait, Subway...I'm two stamps away from a free sandwich!

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

After spending the afternoon listening to Foreigner's Greatest Hits, I've decided that what may be "greatest hits" for one band may simply be "songs" to most other bands. I have a policy of listening to all my records all the way through, and I must say it was a very long hour. If you've ever been in a class for a subject you have no interest in, you'll understand. "Double Vision" was okay, and though the song wasn't so good, it was fun hearing the guy say "'cuz I'm a Dirty White Boy!" I filed this CD under "F." For "Foreigner."

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Conversation from the other day:

Friend (talking about mutual aquaintance): "You know, he said he once had sex on top of a fire truck."

Me: "That poor dalmation!"

Friend (pounding fist against wall): HAAAAAAHAAAAA!!!

* * *
More wise thoughts: The Israelis and the Palestinians should just put down their weapons and smoke weed together. They could become best buds over best buds!

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Music News:

Posted on Sat, Apr. 10, 2004
Elderly parents of `Weird Al' Yankovic found dead in home
Associated Press

FALLBROOK, Calif. - The elderly parents of Grammy-winning recording artist "Weird Al" Yankovic were found dead in their home, apparently victims of carbon monoxide poisoning, officials said.

Nick Yankovic, 86, and his wife, Mary Yankovic, 81, were found dead about 1 p.m. Friday in their suburban San Diego home by three family members, said sheriff's Sgt. Conrad Grayson, a fire investigator.

The relatives came to the house because they had not seen the couple in a while and were concerned.

Paramedics found Nick Yankovic in a chair in the front living room. His wife was lying on the bathroom floor.

A fire had been recently set in a fireplace in the house, Grayson said.

"The house was full of smoke when they opened the door," Grayson said. "We examined the fireplace. They were burning wood. They (family) had found the flue closed. They opened it."

"Weird Al" Yankovic, 44, had been scheduled to appear Wednesday night in Kansas at the Topeka Performing Arts Center as part of a tour for his new album. Attempts to reach him by telephone through his agency, the William Morris Agency, were unsuccessful Saturday.

Yankovic's parents were described by a neighbor as nice people who were proud of their son's accomplishments.

"Everybody who came to the neighborhood knew Nick," said John Buehman, who lives across the street. "They're going to be missed, big time."

Beck Is No Longer A Bachelor
Thursday April 08, 2004 @ 04:30 PM
By: Staff

Yes, that is a ring on his finger. It is with a heavy heart and a tear in our eye that ChartAttack has to report that Beck Hansen is no longer a single man. According to MuchMusic, Beck has just gotten hitched and will soon become a father.

Beck’s lovely bride is actress Marissa Ribisi, best known as the twin sister of actor Giovanni Ribisi. The couple, who are expecting their bundle of joy to arrive in about a month’s time, wed in a low-key ceremony in Santa Monica.

Fred Finds CD Wallet In Burger King Parking Lot
10 April 2004

(Clarence, New York) FN - Fred found someone's CD wallet in the parking lot of a Burger King today. The wallet was one of those ones that attach to the sun visor in your car so you can change CDs when you drive, sources say.

Though Fred asked those around the parking lot if they had lost the particular item, no persons came forward. Though there were ten CDs inside the wallet at the time, they were all classical.

"Even though the music is somewhat bland, I will still take full advantage of the free CDs and of the usefulness of the wallet," spoke Fred in a press release statement this afternoon. The press release did not say what Fred was doing at a Burger King.

Friday, April 09, 2004

2:30:52 AM

ALERT! You have exceeded the usage limit for our free service.

For the rest of the month, your free service will be restricted:

• No customized radio
• No song skipping
• Low (mono) audio quality only

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Like Ed, I also have a Launchcast station. Go to and search for "fcschrock." What do other listeners think?

MEG: yours is sooo ...
MEG: ... whats the right word
MEG: :-)
TomServo0: uh huh
MEG: uhm uhm
MEG: i want to say it positivly
MEG: but its so eclectic
MEG: dare i say ... visionary ;-) .. hey that one is really positive
MEG: ... i could just say... alot of weird stuff i havent heard of
MEG: but i didnt :-D yay!

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

I had a cup of milk next to me at dinner last night and what does the cat do but start drinking from it when I wasn't looking. In response I start knocking on the cat's head with my fist. I was rapping on his skull pretty hard with my knuckles but the cat, even why his head rattled, didn't hesitate to continue drinking the milk. I don't know how he did it. Eventually I had to just pull the cup away from him. So then you may ask, did I then drink from that same cup, from that same milk? The answer is yes. I already admitted to beating my cat...

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Four Four Four!

My computer AND my satellite dish AND my digital clock ALL just adjusted THEMSELVES for Daylight Savings Time. THAT is ASTOUDING. Machines now control the time-space continuum! Time for bed.

Friday, April 02, 2004

04 02 04
Right now there are four men with orange vests outside replacing a stop sign. Not that there's anything wrong with the old stop sign, or that it takes four men to unhinge it from the post, or that they have to keep their truck idling while they do it. The orange vests are good for safety reasons but quite honestly no one uses that street any more. Its two businesses left years ago and there are no houses. So . . . yeah.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

All right, I admit it. I really am gay.

April Fools!

"for fred's first 6 years of college, his away message only ever said, 'sleep'" --Jeff