Tuesday, June 17, 2003

FREDLINE NEWS for Tuesday, 17 June 2003


Welcome to another mildly interesting editon of FREDLINE NEWS. If you'd rather

prefer to read TV Guide or some other comparable media, please reply and

request an unsubscription. This issue will also be posted at ub72.

ezboard.com/bpublius just in case it gives your computer a virus and you lose

the file.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The new trend: Pretend friends! Join Friendster.com today and hook up with new

friends, old friends, red friends, blue friends! Try the address that came

with this E-mail, and find out what true friendship is all about: sporadic E-

mails and grainy thumbnail pics!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


(Erie County, USA) A surprising turn of events took place at a Burger King on

the I-90 last Sunday when a summer worker, known only by the "FRED" on his

nametag, lost faith in human kind. The conclusion came about after the

hamburger grill broke, meaning "FRED" had to explain that burgers were not for


"I made signs that said, 'NO BURGERS - GRILL BROKEN'" commented "FRED." What

more did I need to do? Is everyone dumb?"

It is estimated that 1 in 2 customers had receive a personal explanation of

what the signs meant, while 1 in 5 needed to learn that the "Whopper" was a

kind of burger and hence unavailable. Also, 1 in 8 pointed to the signs and

asked "Does that mean there are no burgers?"

After two hours, "FRED" got really frustrated. "After two hours I got really

frustrated," he recalled, "so I made MORE signs. I even drew big X's on sheets

of paper and put them over the pictures of all the food on the menu. Do you

think that helped? NO!"

Justifiably so, many customers were also quite upset at the situation. One

became visibly angry. "What do you mean there are no burgers?!" the woman

yelled before she stomped away. "I've been waiting in line for 20 minutes!

The LEAST you could do is put up a sign!"

In an unrelated story, "FRED" is continuing to tell himself he has a career

future outside of Burger King and is only working there to help pay for


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Need a church on the go? Wish you didn't have to go to church, and had the

church come to YOU? Try the new Inflatable Church at inflatablechurch.com!

Finally, blowing up a church is a GOOD thing!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


From the employee bulletin board at Burger King:

"Lets remember why we are all here; we need money to live, and we need to have

a job to earn that money. We are here out of basic necessity. Let's make the

best of the situation. We are all here by choice no one is forcing us to be

here. Why don't we stop worrying about what we can't change? Let's not worry

about everyone else, lets concentrate on our selves and how we can do the best

work we can do to earn that money that is letting us survive. In the scheme of

things let's be glad that we are surviving. Let's all make the best of our

work environment. Let's be happy to be here each day. And be glad that the

others are able to be here too.

Going into summer lets decide to make it a good one, and remember to be happy,

it doesn't do any good to be sad or mad, be glad." [sic]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It's a new month, and you know what that means: the *NEW* FREDLINE NEWS

Anchorette Centerfold for June is Maria Bartiromo of CNBC. And why not? Not

only is our dear Maria a bright shining face in a sea of middle-aged, balding

male financial experts, she's also a Rock Chick! Fun fact: Joey Ramone wrote a

song about her on his last solo album. Look it up!

"One of my hobbies is the stock market," Ramone said in March 1999. His

fascination at the time was a daily financial analysis program on cable station


"I watch this show Squawk Box every morning, and they have this host named

Maria [Bartiromo] who is really hot and feisty," Ramone said. "When I stopped

drinking, I started getting into the stock market because it's sort of like a

mosh pit down there."

A demo of the song mixes the British Invasion sound of the Who's early material

with a touch of the Ramones' career-long fascination with Motown girl groups.

"I watch her every day/ I watch her every night/ She's really out of sight/

Maria Bartiromo," Ramone sings.

Hey Maria, you can ring MY "opening bell" any day! Also, it's good we found a

new Anchorette Centerfold because the one for May--Linda Stouffer of Headline News--gave

birth a couple weeks ago and will be on maternity leave for a while. Honest,

it's not mine. Congrats Linda, and congrats Maria! We just want to say Good

Luck, and We're all counting on you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


"I don't think the system is 100% effective; I mean, it can't as long as the

human element is involved." --Jury Duty orientation video, City of Buffalo