Thursday, November 24, 2005

Low Rent

LA Weekly: Film

In college a certain roommate was obsessed with Rent. He played it every bloody day, then sing it, then play it WHILE singing it. But it's not his fault that it makes me cringe. I can't stand most musicals in general: they're just a ton of overacting mixed with songs chock full of plot reiterations. The best part about Rent is that it inspired Avenue Q and Team America: World Police's "Everyone Has AIDS". This review sums it up pretty well.

Anyway, below is a sound file my mother likes to call "Revenge of the Pinheads". Circa 1999 my brother's friend Zack (known to some as "Lenny" left a number of messages on our answering machine. In one case, he forgot to hang up the receiver. The conversation overheard with his roommate is hilarious. Since then, Zack has become a born-again Christian active in the music ministries of area several churches. Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I'm Very Interested In Hearing Some Half-Baked Theories

from The Onion. This too.

There have been some minor changes to the Blog. For the first time in over three years, I have installed a counter! That means I can now find out how many times I've refreshed the page in order to see the counter go up! I've also edited down the Blogroll. The "Josh Sucks" blog seems to have gone the way of "Jerry On The Couch" and "Chris On A White Horse". The only thing less frequent than Dave Hill's posts are leap years, so he's off the list for now. Micah's blog is off the list because he made his personal posts private, meaning we'll never see him with a plunger on his head ever again. If you know of a good blog (including your own), please reply and I might add it to the sidebar. If you've started posting again, DAVE, please let us know as well.

Some blogs are not allowed. You know who you are! You are:

--13 y3aRz 0lD n KaNt RyT B/C yR 2 KeWl 4 gRaMm3r@!!! U s|-|uD B s|-|0t!!11 N dA FASE!!% No one thinks you're special because of random capitalization and leetspeak. Palsied or epileptic, maybe. . . .

--writing more than two sentences about the Bush Administration or the Iraq War. It's been five years, it's already been said a million times before, and you're not a real news commentator. Remember the infinite retellings of the "Chester Charlie" joke in elementary school? Reading you has become physically painful. The Buffalo Beast is being watched.

--posting rambling "he said/she said" epics about people you have crushes on. This also goes for whining about how you miss your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. I hope they read every word. It will really help them out during the hearings for your restraining order.

--technically incapable of expanding the text box beyond the size of a cell phone display. Tinker with the template for a while. Come on! And while you're at it, get rid of the useless warning boxes as well.

--devoid of a life. If the average blogger doesn't have a life, what's there to say about a blogger who only talks about their favorite TV show? (Be sure to check out the numerous comments on that last one.)

--automatically playing media while the site loads. I learned this one the hard way, but at least I LEARNED!

--suicidal or bat-shit insane. It's hard to sympathize with someone who wants attention more than professional help.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Midstate Office Supply

"Since 1960, the state's finest dealer of office supplies and business machines"

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Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The Literary Genesis of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back"

We Like Media


There exist some songs created without any meaning or artistic intent whatsoever. I would argue that Baby Got Back is not one of those songs. Its rhymes are witty and contagious, it's funny, and it makes people (or at least their butts) dance. You could even argue that with lyrics such as "So, I'm looking at rock videos / Knock-kneed bimbos, walking like hos / You can have them bimbos / I'll keep my women like Flo-Jo," Sir Mix-a-Lot appears to be fighting the objectification of black women in the media. No wonder he was knighted!

Anyway, back to the crap. One new song by Trace "No Carbs" Adkins is called Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. Here are some lyrical excerpts:

Ooh, she put her beer down
Here she comes
Here she comes
Left left left right left
. . .
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
That honky tonk badonkadonk

So what are Adkins' values? He states them at the end: "That's it, right there boys, that's why we do what we do / It ain't for the money, it ain't for the glory, it ain't for the free whiskey / It's for the badonkadonk." It doesn't exactly have Sir Mix-a-Lot's class. And Adkins' studio musicians seem bored and stilted. You'd think a country song referencing Donkey Kong would sound slightly original, not like its creators were being paid by the hour. What does "goin' on like Donkey Kong" even mean, anyway? Did the woman throw a barrel at her plumber before Trace's friend slapped his grandma?

Another crappy song is by a group that used to be 120 Minutes favorite back in 1997. Now they have a very non-Flo-Jo woman helping them sell stereos for Best Buy. Her monosyllabic stutterings on My Humps almost makes us forget this Black Eyed Peas song doesn't have a decent chorus. I pity the fool who transcribed these lyrics:

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps
. . .
They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it,
If u touch it I’ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

This song has the social consciousness of Lynndie England's bachelorette party. I never thought I'd say this, but Baby Got Back is the apex of all T&A songs, with a sense of musical quality and cultural vitality unmatched in its fifteen-year existence. A word to the thick soul sisters.