Monday, February 28, 2005

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?

This test is screwy. What about Conservative or Libertarian options? I think it's weighted too far to the left.

You scored as Socialist. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>

















What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Who knows how these things happen, but the dog snuck into my room today (while I was there reading), found the very oldest thing I owned, and started to eat it. Amazing. It didn't get too far but it did rip off part of the spine. That in itself is a shame, because this book was printed in 1838. So while relocating my old books to a higher shelf, I took some pictures of them (in case they mysteriously disappear).

The inside of that same book. Insides of old books rock.

The title page. It's a 2000-page compendium of religious knowledge. Note how it promises info on "Jews, Mohammedans, and Heathen Nations".

Have the Anglophones decided how to spell it yet? Bhuddha?

Great illustrations.

This is a history of Canada, printed in 1862. Funny, since Canada celebrates 1867 as its year of independence. Technically, it wasn't officially a country until 1982. Anyway, it appears this book was a gift commemorating 1867.

It's a least 500 pages of a country that didn't exist yet, and this is only volume one.

Two books from before 1900.

Oops, one of those previous books was written in the 1920s. Anyway, these three books were written by a B. T. Roberts, founder of Free Methodism. The open book, "Why Another Sect", was printed in 1879 but the church was founded years earlier.

From "Darkness In The Dark Continent": "The White Man's Responsibility. Africa, with its nearly 150,000,000 of native population, is in a certain large sense under European control. The native is as yet incapable of self-government. Therefore, what the native is to become depends upon the white man. The white man holds the destiny of Africa in his hands for better or for worse."

Free Methodist books of doctrine are revised every four years, since 1784. These are examples from the 1920s, 1930s, and 1950s.

For some reason this is my favorite. This is 1930s pocketbook for pastors who need help writing funeral sermons.

Under "Funeral of a Young Person", separate sections for boys, girls, and infants.

A handwritten record of funerals performed. :)

Friday, February 25, 2005

Rocky Mountain News

"Loving" Farewell To Writer

TomServo0 (11:02:41 PM): is it really friday?
Dawn (11:03:23 PM): yes why
TomServo0 (11:03:35 PM): because i just found out!!
Dawn (11:03:42 PM): are you serious
TomServo0 (11:03:46 PM): yes!!
TomServo0 (11:03:54 PM): what happened to thursday?
Dawn (11:04:14 PM): what do you mean?
Dawn (11:04:21 PM): did you sleep through it?
TomServo0 (11:04:36 PM): wow. i totally don't remember a whole day
TomServo0 (11:04:50 PM): i didn't take out the garbage
Dawn (11:05:34 PM): thats scary
Dawn (11:05:56 PM): you need to get a girlfriend
TomServo0 (11:06:03 PM): well, duh
TomServo0 (11:06:18 PM): but that doesn't explain a missing 24 hours
Dawn (11:08:18 PM): if you had a girlfriend she would call you and you would be aware of the day
TomServo0 (11:09:46 PM): not from my experience
Dawn (11:09:56 PM): ?
TomServo0 (11:10:38 PM): but shouldn't i know what day it is anyway? this is really odd. i know i was really tired this week, but this is . . . really odd.
Dawn (11:10:50 PM): i think you blacked out
TomServo0 (11:12:10 PM): i must have had a girlfriend, and she beat me senseless
Dawn (11:17:42 PM): maybe

Cheap As Free

Free Christian Books, Christian Music, Bibles, Bible Study Software, Christian Magazines, Christian Gifts, Christian Devotionals and more!

So the Amazon page asked me ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN? DO YOU LIKE FREE STUFF? So I clicked on the link above. I think I had to or something.

Anyway, in a previous post I mentioned how the public library was having a CD sale. Well I was at the library anyway, and thought I'd go to the top floor and take a look at what they had. The sale started at 11 and it was 10:45. There were two hundred people already waiting in line, and I got the hell out of there.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Cheap CDs? Library beckons

Buffalo News

In less than 10 minutes I'll have been awake in three different days. I've been sleepless since 5:30 PM on August 20, and it's almost 12:01 AM August 22.

I have a flexible schedule, and because of it I am able to go to bed later and later without missing much in the way of plans. Four AM. Five. Seven. A few nights ago I went to bed at noon. Today I figured I should be like most other people, stay up all day and go to bed at a normal hour (12:01 AM sounds pretty normal to me). After three loads of laundry, two weeks of dishes and six hours of classes, I'm ready for bed. Two liters of Diet Pepsi are helpless against this one. See you in the morning.

Err, I mean February 20/22. Hrm.

The Essential 50 Video Games


I have [finally!] made one of Mike Slagor's Away Messages. This is the greatest achievement of my life. . . .

"Off to St. Catharines, Ontario for the morning. A huge used bookstore and three other small ones, a winery, and a bird sanctuary. And hopefully an Arby's.

Take a look, it's like "Where's Waldo?" with Slagor & Falkner:

I began to send out exclusive film club emails to the regular members - IM me if you feel like you belong on the list, or to double-check and make sure I have included you from the recent sign-in sheets . Just to let you know, being on this list entitles you to free movies on a regular basis at any Dipson Theatre.

Looks like "Mike Slageor" made the UB magazine (Thank You, Mr. Fred Schrock)

(Hint: Listen to The Shins)

Film Club - Thursday - Hitchcock's "Notorious" - 8 PM - Lyons 418"

Complaint letter about Mr. David Q. Hill III

Complaint letter generator

My complaint about Mr. David Q. Hill III

To respond to all of Mr. David Q. Hill III's assertions would take up too much room and time. I would like to address the most lethargic ones, though. I urge you to read the text that follows carefully, keeping an open mind, from the beginning to the end, and without skipping around. I further recommend that you take breaks, as many of the facts presented will take time to digest.

Every time he gets caught trying to publish blatantly unprincipled rhetoric as "education" for children to learn in school, he promises he'll never do so again. Subsequently, his drones always jump in and explain that he really shouldn't be blamed even if he does, because, as they suspect, he is the ultimate authority on what's right and what's wrong. His satraps must be worn out from the acrobatics they have to perform to keep David from turning on them, too, period. Although he has unfairly depicted me and those who share my beliefs as clunks and numskulls, we are neither. Yes, I have had enough of David's foul endeavors, but it may seem difficult at first to hammer out solutions on the anvil of discourse. It is. But Comstockism is irrelevant here. But it goes further than that; he really shouldn't perpetuate myths that glorify Maoism. That's just common sense. Of course, the people who appreciate his theories are those who eagerly root up common sense, prominently hold it out, and decry it as poison with astonishing alacrity.

If you understand that we have to start talking with one another honestly, in honest language, then you can comprehend that David keeps trying to crush people to the earth and then claim the right to trample on them forever because they are prostrate. And if we don't remain eternally vigilant, he will decidedly succeed. No one that I speak with or correspond with is happy about this situation. Of course, I don't speak or correspond with brain-damaged, narrow-minded bourgeoisie, David's apostles, or anyone else who fails to realize that there is something grievously wrong with those callous perverts who tip the scales in David's favor. Shame on the lot of them! By seeking to create a mass psychology of fear about an imminent terrorist threat, David reveals his ignorance about deconstructionism's polyvocality. He probably also doesn't realize that one of the most mind-numbing mysteries for those of us who don't like David is trying to understand people who do. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that I honestly cannot believe that he would consider disaffected know-nothings as deluded sluggards of one sort or another? I mean, you might say, "Many recent controversies have been fueled by a whole-hearted embracing of scurrilous taradiddles." Fine, I agree. But someone once said to me, "An increasing number of people abhor David's spiteful values and are looking for alternatives, like the truth." This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. Don't let David delude you into thinking that doing the fashionable thing is more important than life or liberty. He's just trying to defile the air and water in the name of profit.

Does anyone believe his claim that he has been robbed of all he does not possess? Come on, anyone? Like I thought, there is still hope for our society, real hope -- not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of the most power-hungry lummoxes you'll ever see, but the hope that makes you eager to acknowledge that his flunkies, who are legion, have the temerity to violate strongly held principles regarding deferral of current satisfaction for long-term gains and then say that everyone else should do the same. Looking at it another way, if I try really, really hard, I can almost see why he would want to waste our time and money.

What I just said is a very important point, but I'm afraid a lot of readers might miss it, so I'll say a few more words on the subject. Let us not sink to David's level. Let us combat neocolonialism by exercising our right to speak out, to denounce David's perorations as totally unrepresentative of the values of this society. It's easy to tell if David is lying. If his lips are moving, he's lying. We must fight scurrility and slander. Our children depend on that.

Quite simply, today, we might have let David let advanced weaponry fall into the hands of overbearing extortionists. Tomorrow, we won't. Instead, we will criticize the obvious incongruities presented by David and his toadies. In a previous letter, I announced my intention to make plans and carry them out. Naturally, this announcement caused David to mutter abuses befitting his education. Incidents like that truly demonstrate how he is the embodiment of everything petty in our lives. Every grievance, every envy, every inhumane ideology finds expression in David Q. Hill.

He has, at times, called me "inimical" or "rapacious". Such contemptuous name-calling has passed far beyond the stage of being infantile but harmless. It has the capacity to inflict more death and destruction than Genghis Khan's hordes.

Why is David really so offensive? Is it because his efforts to make widespread accusations and insinuations without having the facts to back them up have touched the lives of every person in this country? Or because the grossly fallacious reasoning behind his screeds can be confirmed by some simple fact-checking? To turn that question around, what will be the outcome of his quest for world hegemony? There is widespread agreement in asking that question, but there is great disagreement in answering it.

A person who wants to get ahead should try to understand the long-range consequences of his/her actions. David has never had that faculty. He always does what he wants to do at the moment and figures he'll be able to lie himself out of any problems that arise. Although he won't admit it, those of us who are too lazy or disinterested to think outside the box have no right to complain when he and his hatchet men create new (and reinforce existing) prejudices and misconceptions. If David thinks his antics represent progress, he should rethink his definition of progress. Although he demonstrates a great deal of ignorance and presumption when he says that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point, it's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. He distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain his current opinions.

In case you have any doubts, because of David's obsession with propagandism, if he believes that we should all bear the brunt of his actions, then it's obvious why he thinks that his communications are all sweetness and light. David's hariolations run on pure irony. Okay, that's a bit of an overstatement, but for all of you reading this who are not prurient tricksters, you can understand where the motivation for that statement comes from. The conflation of superficial, childish bloodsuckers and snippy vagrants in David's tirades is either dramatic hyperbole or a fatal methodological flaw. You might aver I'm telling you this because I like to beat up on David. Really, that isn't my principal reason. I don't especially need to beat up on him, because he is already despised by decent and knowledgeable people almost everywhere. Even those few who benefit from Mr. David Q. Hill III's remarks fail to recognize their current manifestation as a myopic form of factionalism. There, my ranting is finished.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Niagara Falls Reporter

An Open Letter To Louise Slaughter

Sometimes this paper trickles into Buffalo and I pick it up. Most people then ask me: What's that? It's the paper that exposed the biggest political scandal of the year, that's what it is!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Bills Part Ways with Drew Bledsoe

Buffalo Bills

In response to Tim's email:

Welcome to the Katie's 2005 edition of "getting to know your
friends", whoever the heck "Katie" is. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire
e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all the answers
so they apply to you, and then send this to a whole bunch of people
including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot
of little things about your friends, if you didn't know them already! More often
than not, your friends will be too upset with all your junk mail to write you back.
Okay, here we go!

[Fred Schrock version]

1. What time did you get up today? 11:30am, 2:00pm, 4:00pm. Freakin' dog.

2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? If they're paying, just about anyone

3. Gold or Silver? College Loan payments

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I don't remember! The one I remember liking was The Aquatic Life with Steve Zissou

5. What is/are your favorite TV shows? MST3K

6. What did you have for breakfast? If "breakfast" is what you eat in the morning, pancakes and eggs. If "breakfast is what you eat when you wake up, a turkey sub.

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? A fat guy (unless the room is really big)

8. Who inspires you? Ann L. Retention

9. What is your middle name? Charles Thomas

10. Beach, City or Country? Livin' in the City

11. Favorite ice cream? It has to have some chocolate.

12. Butter or Plain? Plain what?

13. Favorite sandwich? A chicken finger sub

14. What characteristics do you despise? Dependence and waste (and rosemary and thyme)

15. Favorite flower? I'll tell you later, because I really have one, and also I care.

16. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? Err, Tokyo? New Zealand maybe. I still haven't seen the UK

17. What color is your bathroom? Mildew

18. Where would you like to retire? Why would I retire to only one place?

19. Favorite day of the week? Payday.

20. What did you do for your last birthday? Wrote a paper

21. Where were you born? Millard Fillmore Suburban Hospital, Amherst, NY

22. Favorite sport to watch? Pro Football, NHL Playoffs

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Helen Keller

24. Person you expect to send it back first? "Mailer-Daemon"

25. What fabric detergent do you use? Screw you.

26. Are you a morning person or a night owl? If you stay up so late you see the sunrise, which are you?

27. Do you have any pets? Billy & Kramer (cats), Misty (dog), Jerry (couch cushion).

One thing that constantly plagues Olympians is the fact that we have very little in the way of an exciting past. In order to compensate for our bland history, we have a day called "What if it Had Happened Here?". This day allows people to imagine what it would have been like if real historical events had actually taken place in our very own back yard. Past "What if¹s" have included: "What if the Civil War had happened here?", "What if Waco had happened here" and "What if the 'Bridges of Madison County' had been filmed here?" (a slight variation, I know). This year the theme was "What if Moses Had Parted the Red Sea Here in Olympia?" In order to reenact this event, organizers dumped 500 gallons of red food coloring into Capitol Lake. Since it is a man made lake and capable of drainage, they were able to utilize the already existing hydraulic system to create a rift in the lake¹s center, thus creating the illusion of the red sea parting. Many people tried out for the part of Moses, including K records' own Calvin Johnson, but in the end it went to Joe Preston because he already has a beard.
(special thanks to Carrie Brownstein)


Cool people born on my birthday. Mostly.

April 25, 1214 Louis IX, king of France
April 25, 1284 Edward II, king of England
April 25, 1599 Oliver Cromwell, Puritan lord protector of England
April 25, 1825 Charles Ferdinand Dowd, U.S., standardized time zones
April 25, 1840 Peter Il'yich Tchaikovsky, Russian composer (1812 Overture)
April 25, 1872 Charles Burgess Fry, cricketer/world record long jumper
April 25, 1874 Guglielmo Marconi, Bologna Italy, inventor (radio, Nobel 1909)
April 25, 1906 William J Brennan Jr, NJ, 92nd Supreme Court judge (1956-90)
April 25, 1908 Edward R Murrow, Pole Creek NC, newscaster (Person to Person)
April 25, 1918 Ella Fitzgerald, Newport News VA, jazz singer
April 25, 1923 B. B. King, Mississippi, blues singer/guitarist
April 25, 1932 Meadowlark Lemmon, basketball star (Harlem Globetrotters)
April 25, 1933 Jerry Leiber, songwriter (Leiber & Stoller)
April 25, 1940 Al Pacino, New York City, actor
April 25, 1945 Stu Cook, rock bassist (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
April 25, 1947 Jeffrey DeMunn, Buffalo NY, actor (Blaze, Frances, Windy City)
April 25, 1947 Bill Fontana, composer
April 25, 1952 Vladislav Tretiak, U.S.S.R. hockey player (Olympic-gold-1972, 76)
April 25, 1964 Andy Bell, rocker (Erasure)
April 25, 1964 Hank Azaria, actor (The Simpsons)
April 25, 1969 Renee Zellweger, actress (Cold Mountain)
April 25, 1970 Jason Lee, actor (Mallrats)
April 25, 1976 Tim Duncan, NBA forward (San Antonio Spurs)
April 25, 1977 Marguerite Moreau, actress (Connie-Mighty Ducks, D2, D3)
April 25, 1977 Jonathan Angel, San Francisco California, actor (Tommy Delucca-Saved By The Bell)
April 25, 1989 The Panchen Lama of Tibet

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Gold Medal The Donnas (search bottom of page)

Meanwhile in the "D'oh" Department, read this review from a guy who saw the same Donnas show as me, Joe, and Dave. I guess they weren't kidding when they said they'd be at the [Forgot Name Of] Bar after the show. As I recall, I was quite enthused to go to a high-schooler-swarmed Mighty Taco instead. Nuts; our band could have made three friends in The Industry. Ironically, we cockblocked ourselves.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

TomServo0's Undescriptive Album Reviews, Part Q

Quick 'n Dirty:

B.B. King: "How Blue Can You Get? Classic Live Performances 1964-1994" [2 discs]

Havin' the blues, I say havin' the blooooooza for nea' thirty years must be something. King plays something like 300 shows a year (sometimes two a day) but each of these tracks sounds like he's still feelin' it. The guest female vocalists are great, too. Highly recommended.

Judas Priest: "Metal Works '73-'93" [2 discs]

I don't remember these guys being popular. Was it really a shock when the singer came out of the closet? Seriously, all these songs are about wearing leather, going to bars, having dirty secrets, and not knowing what to do with the "love rocket between my thighs". I THINK that's what he said. It's halfway decent metal if you're into it but songs rely too heavily on riffs, getting formulaic after a while. He hits those high notes like a choirboy with a handlebar moustache.

The Who: "Quadrophenia" [2 discs]

I saw The Who live and they put on an awesome show. What I want to know is, if Pete Townshend is one of the greatest guitarists in the world, why is this album full of KEYBOARDS? The sense of overwhelming the rock lover with keyboards is the same as if that same rock lover sat on his own balls. You can tolerate it, but not for ninety minutes. I kind of understood Tommy but I'm clueless as to what this one's about. (Ed, help?) Something about being a rock star, and something something. I'd skip it.

Hendrix [Band Of Gypsies]: "Live At The Fillmore East" [2 discs]

Some of the last ever heard of Hendrix. It's basically a looser version of The Experience with songs from his unfinished, last album. If you're really into Jimi Hendrix it's worth your time, but it can drag on. Had I been to those shows, however, I probably wouldn't shut up about them.

Nirvana: "Loose Ends" [3 discs]

Some Nirvana fans collected all known unreleased bootleg songs not on the Nirvana box set and offered this for free on BitTorrent. Not much here for casual fans, but interesting is the half-hour "Montage Of Heck". Kurt Cobain put this sound collage together for no other reason than boredom, I guess. You can hear children's records, scruffy bits of Nirvana demos, random television channels, and of course Simon & Garfunkel. A choppy edit of Eddie Van Halen's "Eruption" also makes an appearance. I burned this collection with some alternate-source material for the box set, including "Opinion" without the noticeable editing cut (which ruins it, I think) and with the radio interview at the beginning.

The Police: "Message In A Box: The Complete Recordings" [4 discs]

It really IS the complete recordings, and that's just plain awesome. Some of these B-sides are perverted, but who cares? And that's all I have to say about that.

Woman recounts being contacted for mass suicide

AZ Central

For some reason, I'm not as upset with the guy for planning a mass suicide as I am for his atrocious spelling and grammar. Would you really entrust your death to a guy who can't type "bodies" correctly?

Monday, February 14, 2005


Yahoo! News

I thought this guy was supposed to be intelligent. Instead, he seems more like Robert Novak (Douchebag of Liberty).

The Yeagers Throw The Best Parties


The Internet Archive is the gift that keeps on giving . . . Joe found this one from 1997.
By Mark "Mad Dog" Miller, It's a long one, full of inside jokes
and gratuitous sex, language, violence, and rock 'n' roll. Very, VERY stupid, but I
promised him it would be'll laugh with a "huh?" like I did. Unedited.

Party Out of Control!!

"I'd like to have your attention. We have come to kick your ass!"

James Hetfield (lead vocal of Metallica) anounced. The crowd yelled in
anticipation as Metallica began to blast a song that defend us all and
snuffed out our voices even two inches away from the person next to you.
A masive mosh pit ofof bloody shirt torn headbaning maniacs filled the side
of the stage. You could see the blood splash off a few people as a
gargantuan sized fan buldozed a few innocent listeners. A tooth or two
flung out of his mouth as he was uppercuted by a swift elbow to his emense
jaw. After Metallica walked off, Weezer bolted onto the scene. The fans
raised their beers and cheered in insanity as the band started to play. I
was still recovering from a wound to the eye that bleed with gushes,but I
had so much energy that I could definitly keep up with the vivatious crowd.
The junkies near the barn were tripping up and puffing on thick wads of
gonja and hashish smoke. The smoke was a looming cloud so thick that it
knocked out four people. For Weezer's oncore presintation they through open
bottles, cans, and even open vat kegs of genuine draft wide into the air
making a collodge of golden yellow. Colt Wilson personally soaked by his
coussin (Pat Wilson-the drummer). He gaped his face in the alcohalic golden
shower. His tounge trying to catch every morsal and essense the alcohal had to offer.

A nearby neighbor was deeply offended by all the rucus. Dailing
speedily, the woman called the police. Bob Cop was just about with his
shift when the call was patched to his cluttered file filled blue and white
office with a dank desk covered in trinkets. He leaned back in his swival
chair as he answered the phone. He jumped out of his seat and rounded up a
few more cops. "Come on everyone! We're goin' ta Yeager's!" Bob cop said.

Meanwhile 311 was playing on the barn stage. It was either the
smoke from the waistless junkies, the stench of the fruitless alcohal, or
the big breasted women that got me to do somthing insane. Hurling myself up
the hard rough Birtchwood rafters, I tied a car bungie cord around my
ankle. Looking at the crowd I saw everything; the manic fans trashing the
stage and slipping on beer as they were engorging themselves in the blaring
atmosphere of music,the junkies from out of town who puffed and weezed on
their boles laughing at their own idiocy while flapping their green and
dark brown scruffy jackets, and the "Love Corner" where all the hoes and
hoochie-mamas went and grabbed every man they could find by shaking their
butts in their tight jeans and bouncing theirlarge boobs in their cheap cut
off shirts.I took a risk and jumped. I felt the thrash of hot summer air
rush against my cheeks as I spiraled downward faster and faster seeming
like I was going to break a barrier in volocity. The streatch of the of the
black bungie cord snapped. Frightened for my life that I would die, yet
luckily I landed softly. I landed on three of the Cerisani boys, one was
Asa. I scurried to my feet. Asa half uncontious thinking the half stoned
half drunk guy next to him hit him. Asa flew in a hurricane of fists
beating the hell out of the kid. From what happened after many fights broke
out. A chain reaction of violence spread across the small shakey barn.
Furious catfights and team ups resulted in an aray of brutal distruction.
Chairs and tables were thrown from the corner where a few kids were playing
Asshole. I managed to move near the door unharmed.

The sound of the band stopped playing and was replaced by the
horid shreiks of sirens. Bob and his battalian came running in with sticks
and sheilds dark as night. Someone through a cocktail bomb which lit a pile
of crisp dry hay on fire. Flames exerted forth causing a firey blaze. My
freind Jon saw the cops get ever so closer. He gasped, " Yo B, I' gonna
make'a run for it!". Jon took off but was sacked hard by a half beaten
officer with a broken nightstick. Pizza, Frito Lays, Funions, and beer were
tossed like gernades. The fire rose to the roof overtaking everything. Like
a pack of ravenous raging beasts,the cops and partiers trampled over
everything, clawing out for an exit. I managed to escape with minor
bruises. I laughed as I looked back and stared at the naked women from the
"Love Corner" run. I hopped on my 4-wheeler and buzzed off in the dark back
home listening to the distant screams and burning of flames. I thought to
my self as I rode, "The Yeagers throw the wildest parties........I can't
wait till next year.

(^_^) THE END(^_^)

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Rescued from the Internet Archive

Dr. Frederick C. Schrock, PhD.
Professor of International Cheese Studies/
Departmental Head
Canisius College, Buffalo, New York

We here at the Canisius College International Cheese Studies are proud of our fine Jesuit tradition of providing to the aspiring student a concisely taught yet profusely detailed exploration of the history, culinary artistic quality, scientific variabilization and quantic philosophy wrought from the explications found via detailed analysis of the many intraplanetary deviations du fromage -- not only those of the cradles of cheese civilization: pristine Egypt, the Gaul of the Holy Roman times, and, of course, the trifecta of salivatorily delectable nations of foodular invention: Hungary, Turkey, and Greece -- but also the more modern pillars of tastetecular excellence, such as Wisconsin.

"Apres moi, le fromage!" --Louis XIV

My wife and I have a little summer place in the Florida Keys. Besides Cheeseology, I'm an avid fan of underwater photography. And leg waxes, check 'em out! (Reuters)

Cheeseology, in a translation wrestled literally from its Greco-Roman roots, means, quite literally, "the study of cheese," literally speaking in a more literal sense of the word. Throughout unrecorded history, the cheeseologist has sought to ask of himself (and, as of REAL v. Bored of Education [1954], herself) several basic questions, none of which, in five thousand years of research, has ever been answered to the complete satisfaction of the majority of circles of extremely esteemed professors of the field -- myself included and highly revered -- but all of which, in an inexplicable irony, will be presented for interrogation during the commencement of each final examination:

1. Is cheese a solid?
2. Can it be used as Play-Doh?
3. Is it better to eat a hamburger with cheese and a glass of milk, or should we just eliminate the middle man and bite a live cow?
4. Did you hear that?
5. I didn't hear anything, did you?
6. I don't know, did I?
7. Why is it people can invent stuff like cheese just by leaving it out for a long time, but when we don't rake the leaves in autumn, all it does is kill the grass?
8. And when we leave cheese out for a long time, we don't invent anything other than a big ol' hunk of hard cheese?
9. Are you sure you heard something?
10. Cigars? Cigarettes?

"Speak softly and carry a big mozzarella stick." --Teddy Roosevelt

The wishful thinker that is the collegiate cheeseologist-to-be can expect only the best of facilities to be available to them at Canisius College, a.k.a., eg., al anon, "The College in the Ghetto" (iiiiin the ghettooooo…), as each lab, classroom and fromatorium lecture hall is equipped to "the max," and is all "totally mod." You can be assured that in the hands of Dr. Frederick C. Schrock, PhD. you will be treated like a lady, and not just a piece of cheese.

Course Curriculum


1. "How to hunt and trap cheese"
2. "Cottage Cheese: No, Its Not a Split-Level"
3. Unit Test: Know how to discern between the smell of cheese and your feet.
4. "Gouda is Good, But Cheddar is Better"
5. "Kurds vs. Whey"
6. Unit Test: Know the anatomy of the Moon.
7. "Would You Like Some Cheese With Your Wine: How to Entertain Guests"
8. SPRING BREAK. Eat fiber, drink Drano. Trust me, you'll need it by then.
9. "Imitation Cheese, and How You Can Prepare For the Coming Wrath"
10. Paper Due: "My Favorite Cheese, and How It Has Touched Me Personally." min. 2500 wds.
11. Unit Test: Know how to make grilled cheese sandwiches without burning the bread.
12. "90 Seconds to Heaven: Waiting for Cheez-Whiz"
13. "Why Do We Love the Fishes? 'Cause They SO Delicious!"
14. Unit Test: Don't waste your time studying for this one, the final's next week!
15. FINAL EXAM: Be sure to study (A) everything we did in class, (B) everything you learned from the readings, and (C) everything else, which you couldn't have possibly learned but absolutely have to know. Good luck!

"Lindburger is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration."
--Thomas Edison

This page has been approved by Derf.


Saturday, February 12, 2005 - Taliban diplomat condemns attacks - September 11, 2001 - Taliban diplomat condemns attacks - September 11, 2001

Another interesting article from the Internet Archive.


Internet Archive Wayback Machine

Doopie is back! The above link goes to the Internet Archive Wayback Machine, an ongoing attempt to regularly record the World Wide Web for posterity. Some stuff just doesn't come up, but what does is a blast. Except, of course, the embarrassing stuff I wrote.

Jimmy Smith Is My Man, I Want to Give Him A Pound


Update: Here are a couple sound samples from the guy. If I'm such a music nerd (the internet quiz says I am!) I might as well go dalls beep.

You're A Woman, I'm A Machine

Today my copy of Death From Above 1979's "You're A Woman, I'm A Machine" came in. They're better live, but not much better, because this album really captures their sound well. And by "they're better live", I mean "they frickin' rock live, that's why I got this awesome album". Not for people who like chords. All the songs are cool but I think "Sexy Results" might be the best, simply since it's so . . . sexy? Hand claps 'n' congas on that one, mmm. The other ten songs just kick your ass. And that's my review! Their site is, NOT, as you will plainly see.

More CD reviews, because you care immensely

Black Label Society: Hangover Music Vol. VI/1919 Eternal/The Blessed Hellride. I listened to all three of these albums back to back a couple weeks ago, so while I remember each had different qualities I can't remember which album had what. I THINK "Hangover Music" was the diverse one, with the fast and slow tunes. If that was the one, it was my favorite. In either case Zack Wylde is getting much better at putting together a well-rounded album. BLS is basically Ozzy without Ozzy's vocals. I can only take so much of this stuff. Here is the part where I'm required to say my sister met Zack Wylde backstage once, and he was a really cool and down-to-earth guy. I'm down with that.

Elvis Costello & The Attractions: Get Happy!!/Armed Forces. These two albums were rereleases with b-sides and whatnot. Rhino is such as dorky label, but so good to the music fans: now I see that these have been RE-rereleased with an extra disc each of demos and more whatnots. Does Costello really write and record 60 catchy tunes every time he goes into the studio? That bastard. Some of these lyrics are genius in a Poor Richard's Almanac sort of way. I also heard . . .

Elvis Costello & The Imposters: This Delivery Man. It's just as good, and maybe my favorite out of the three because it didn't drown me in bonus tracks. :) Musically, it's much better, like the way Bob Dylan's new stuff may be light on the lingo but high on listenability. A tip: don't listen to three hours of Black Label Society one day and three hours of Elvis Costello the next. Trust me.

Fishbone: The Essential Fishbone. I saw them open for Stone Temple Pilots and Red Hot Chili Peppers a few years ago, and while I thought they put on a good show I didn't totally get into them. All of these songs are great tracks, however, and if you didn't mind those couple years where ska beat out techno for Overplayed Genre of the Year this is a good listen.

U2: Boy. Definitely of its time, and among the best of it. When Canisius College "Radio" gave up on vinyl I took their collection, and while I've only listened to about 10% of those 400 or so records from '78-'91 I consider myself an expert in '80s alternative detritus. This is on top of a very short "keep" pile.

Youth Brigade: Sink With Kalifornja. It sounds a little messy at first but that's it's charm. Fun '90s punk that you can either mosh or sing along to, depending on where you are in the song.

George Thorogood & The Destroyers: The Baddest Of George Thorogood And The Destroyers. Bad to the bone, of course; exactly what you'd expect. Not to be confused with Thurgood Marshall & The Desegregators. The Brian Setzer of blues rock.

Supergrass: Life On Other Planets. Like Oasis, it's a great rock diversion. Not a lot sticks to your brain afterwards, but did *anything* from early '70s culture stick to our brains?

Cream: Fresh Cream. Excellent classic rock! A joy to listen to! Great licks! Now if only they'd spent more than ten minutes on the lyrics. "The sky is gray and I am gay," or something of that variety.

Cure: Disintegration. Not to be confused with Boston: Bus Integration. (Bad, bad joke.) I don't know why goths are so depressed all the time; some of these songs are happy and about love and stuff. Maybe because the album moves so slooooooowly? I picked this up because supposedly "Disintegration is the greatest album ever!" What *real* eight-year-old would listen to this? Not Tweak, that's for sure.

Faith No More: This Is It: The Best Of Faith No More. Unlike George Thorogood & The Battleships, there are some bands whose careers can't be put on one CD. This collection especially is too diverse, leaving you unsatisfied after the full 80 minutes. That's a good thing: I'll check out their albums some time.

Beatles: Christmas Records/Zombies: various. A mix CD. The Beatles recorded a side every year for their fan club, and while it was mostly banter and impromptu Christmas singalongs, you can definitely see the band go from happy-go-lucky to John and Yoko, all within 35 minutes. The Zombies are up there with the Beatles, and the tracks I downloaded really make me want to buy their Sgt. Pepper, "Odyssey & Oracle". Did I spell "odyssey" right? If so it's the first time.

Sick Of It All: Just Look Around/Suicidal Tendencies: How Will I Laugh Tomorrow When I Can't Even Smile Today? Two albums burned onto one disc. Pretty much the same punk messages, as seen by the titles. Punk is not for the mindless, and it's too bad those people show up to the concerts. :)

Santana: Live At The Fillmore '68. Dude, it's like the guy's TALKING to the guitar! And the guitar is TALKING BACK! Duuuuude! How did it take 40 years for this guy to get famous?

Miles Davis: Kind Of Blue. I'm no jazz expert, but this sounds great. I should invite sexy ladies over so we can play this record and make out. Very smooth sound and transitions.

Husker Du: Warehouse Songs And Stories. I listened another album by this band and I was on the fence, but this is solid pop-rock.

Sum 41: All Killer No Filler/The Queers: Love Songs For The Retarded. Sum 41 is pop-punk raised on mid-80s metal, well-produced for mass consumption. Not too bad. The Queers sound like early stuff from Lookout Records. In fact, I think it IS early stuff from Lookout Records. I think they also have a song called "I Can't Stop Farting" on here and it's not as stupid as it sounds.

Mighty Mighty Bosstones: Live From The Middle East. A great live album overall and the best thing they've ever done. The only Bosstones album you'll ever need.

Kiss: Alive! See above, except that this is the exact opposite. If I'm running for President and I have to somehow give a speech at a KISS convention, I'm still going to tell everybody they're a sucky band. Then the Silent Majority will vote me in so I can disarm the KISS Army. Peace and prosperity will reign forever more.

Iced Earth: The Glorius Burden. Patriotic and history-themed metal. Some of it is cheese, but most of it is not. The Gettysburg trilogy actually, really, rocks out. Real professional stuff.

Bright Eyes: I'm Wide Awake It's Morning/Digital Ash In A Digital Urn. I got copies of these from a friend but the format was all screwy in my computer and the CDs sound like they'd been Brilloed. But from what I can hear, I'm really impressed with the songwriting. Maybe they're something salvageable in emo after all.

Circle Jerks: Group Sex/Wild In The Streets. Sarcastic British prigs. I love it.

Ramones: All The Stuff (And More) Volume One. Hey! Ho! Let's go! Eighty minutes of that! :)

Misfits: Legacy Of Brutality/Modest Mouse: Good News For People Who Love Bad News. Both of these were better than I expected. The Misfits weren't as angry and depressing as I hoped they wouldn't be. Modest Mouse wasn't as choppy and overly quirky. Also, it feels real good when you can fit two albums nicely onto one CD.

Madness: Absolutely. More people should like Madness! What did they do wrong to be forgotten? Solid pop songwriting, a decent horn section . . . didn't they have like twenty hits in the UK?

Parliament: various. Another collection of junk I had on my hard drive. But it's so FUNKY. How could a song called "Count Funkula" NOT be funky? When I'm rich I'll start buying more of these guys. "Rumpofsteelskin" inspired Sir Mix-A-Lot. That's one heck of a letter of recommendation, IMHO.

Iggy & The Stooges: Fun House/Raw Power. Music that's fun to listen to and even more fun to play. Not that I've tried playing it, but if I did I'm sure it'd be really, really fun. I also heard . . .

Iggy Pop: Lust For Life. Also very good but much more calm and song-oriented. David Bowie is all over this one. Gender roles are bent into a pretzel in each song.

The Jam: This Is The Modern World/All Mod Cons. Reminds me a lot of Elvis Costello had his work been more band-written. They do harmonies sometimes! It sounds "nice".

Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros: Streetcore. Remarkably good for some cobbled-together recording sessions, but every Real reviewer has said that. The covers sound authentic, like they're Strummer's own. It feels too short, but there's only One Guy to complain to about that and His decisions are pretty much final.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

eBay item 4073266661 (Ends Feb-13-05 00:29:59 PST)

NIRVANA - Love Buzz 45 on SubPop No.282/1000

I want this for my birthday. I deserve it! The only copy I've seen was in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Start up a collection!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

They Just Aren't That Good Music: Viva! La Woman

Ever the music geek, I just heard KISS' Alive! and felt compelled to write an Amazon review. The review is below. If you want to get a record I can't get enough of, click the above link.

"They just aren't that good"

There were many great bands from the 70s. I've tried too many times to include KISS on that list, but they just don't cut it. Alive! supposedly showcases some of their best early work in a live setting. Beneath the shiny surface (if you call the roar of the crowd a shiny surface) lies a whole lotta hamfisted guitar work, uninventive drumming, shoddy vocals, juvenile lyrics, and cheesy between-song banter. I wasn't looking for another Led Zeppelin; a good party band would have sufficed. And while I'm sure they put on an impressive-looking show back then, their handful of half-catchy riffs (the rest are forgettable) can't swing it. It's also known that the band went into the studio to touch up the live recordings. This makes the final result even more disappointing. I can see thirteen-year-old boys going bonkers for this stuff (as a tangent, it seems like one of those boys wrote the wankish liner notes), but if you hear the band for the first time as an adult--like me--you're probably wondering what the fuss was all about.

The KISS Army is large, so maybe there's something I'm missing. Still, I have one very valid complaint: $22? This recording is about thirty years old now. Don't be fooled by the "double album" designation, either: the music can fit easily on one CD and the band is gouging you. Heck, how many 80+ minute, double CDs coming out today cost that much?

To conclude, if you think the "Yeah, yeah, yeah" parts in rock songs prove a songwriter's talent, or you really miss junior high, this album might be for you.

EMI Shares Plunge 16%

The Independent

I like Coldplay and Gorillaz, but how can the release of only two albums determine the fate of a music conglomerate? Speaking of big but empty, I widened the margins on my blog because I have so much more to say.

Some people complained that if they wanted an internet feed of C-SPAN3, they'd go to instead of Actually, no one said that. I just got kind of annoyed at having to scroll down to turn it off. But if you want the HTML for your own feed, just go and steal it from their site. It's, like, public property or something.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Baby Got Book


This is a must-see.

Superb Owl

I didn't watch the game, but spent the night doing homework at the library. Eighty women, forty asians, and me.

Special thanks to Jeff for pseudo-scientific evidence of the obvious:

take the nerd test.
and go to a nerd utopia.


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Red Sox and Patriots Are Two Teams That Like Each Other

The New York Times

Geez, then why don't they get married? Another hard-hitting NY Times article.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Out With The Old

These pants had to go. I think they're from high school. I used these as pajamas the last couple of years, but last week I got my left cheek-hole caught in a doorknob. It was a good enough sign that I had to "let go".

These are my old headphones from right before college. As you can see, they've been intolerable since then. Last week, shortly after my doorknob tore me a new one, the right side of the brace snapped in half. Then, while it laughed at me, the left ear shorted out.

These are my new headphones. Snug fit, heavy bass, detachable wires and ears, freakin' awesome sound Argh Argh Argh.

This is my old phone. I got caught in a car door once, and lately it's been shutting off for no reason. I think only certain kinds of birds can hear who's talking on the other end.

This is my new, *free* phone. It has speaker phone, vibrates, and about fifty other things I could care less about. Oh, and it works! The end.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Madd Dogg Conquers Buffalo (lyrics)

From a hole Madd Dogg was born
Nursed on roofies, Smirnoff and porn
Scanned this barren, vacant land
Planned destruction with his band

Showplace, Runwayz, Broadway Joe's
Madd Dogg Conquers Buffalo

Pinball Wizard with iron fists
Tribulations, trials and trysts
Bitch in a Bottle, gonna take you home
Madd Dogg loves them chicken bones

Arm yourself Ontario
Madd Dogg Conquers Buffalo
Flying meat, look out below
Madd Dogg Conquers Buffalo

Grindcore-possessed demon man
Station wagon, driving bans
Tribesmen troll the war-torn ground
Madd Dogg's Boss of this whole town

Tighter than you'll ever know,
Madd Dogg Conquers Buffalo
Madd Dogg Conquers Buffalo (x?)

Democrats on Attack Immediately After Address


Your web site would look fairer and more balanced if you waited until
after the speech ended to post this article.



major labels: the problem with music

by Steve Albini

More evidence that Cucumber + Ginseng's album Punksatawney Phil may be some of the greatest music ever made.