Saturday, November 30, 2002

CD: Foo Fighters, "One By One"

At work the television is set stagnant on CNN Headline News. Usually I look at Headline News like I look at USA Today, pointing to an article and telling myself "that's not news, that's useless information." You know, those trivial pie charts on the bottom corner of each section, the blockbuster movie previews on the front page that push a real headine involving national or international politics over to the side. And don't get me started on their "Viewpoints" page. Today I tried looking at Headline News from the perspective of someone trying to learn about capitalism. I learned tons. Headline News has about 8 minutes of commercials, like any other channel, as well as promos that start "Up next..." for their own profit. That's probably another two minutes, including inter-anchor banter. They always talk about the new movies out on screen or on DVD that you can buy, which is another four minutes of time. One of their biggest stories of the day was The First Day of the Christmas Shopping Season, complete with footage of people running like Legion's pigs into a shopping mall. Another two minutes. With that, a wonderful little segment on gifts you can buy for Christmas, with new computer gadgets and someone in a Hello Kitty suit. Four more minutes? Then sports, talking about team ownership and trade disputes and contract negotiations. There were some scores too, but let's give commercialism four more minutes here, since sports in America are for-profit industries. What else? Some report about how oil refineries are getting a bad rap for their environmental problems, but don't worry, their stocks aren't slipping and they look like a solid investment. Really, that was the conclusion of the piece. Five minutes there. And I almost forgot the stock market report; another minute! Now, count it up. What did I learn in half an hour?

"And this is what's going on in your town tonight?" --Ralph Nader

Friday, November 29, 2002

CD: George Harrison, "All Things Must Pass" 2000

David Letterman Is Back! Not the "Late Show with David Letterman" David Letterman, who is good, but the "Late Night with David Letterman" David Letterman, who was also good! Remember the memories? Dave trying to quell a fight between Andy Kauffman and a professional wrestler? The time Dave jumped from a trampoline onto a wall of Velcro? The time he hired a mariachi band to play in a neighbor lady's cubicle for her birthday? Today's episode was especially cool, because R.E.M. was the musical guest. Not the 1990s R.E.M. that everybody knows, but the indie newbies R.E.M. from 1983! They played twice, and one of the songs didn't even have a name because it was so new! AND they got an interview! (Michael Stipe hid behind Mike Mills during the entire thing). That's good TV! And to top it off, the featured guest was Julia Childs, who made ham and cheese sandwiches with Budweiser Beer! ROCK!

"And the best part is, it sounds even better singing IN, than when I'm singing OUT! YOU! Always naysaying!" --Jack Black, "Tenacious D"

Thursday, November 28, 2002

CD: Smashing Pumpkins, "Judas 0"

Is it spelled triptophane? Anyhoo, Thanksgiving is the only time in America where it is considered polite to overeat. If you do not take seconds, or try at least two kinds of pie, you are a rude guest/host/family member. Aunt Ethel was working all day to make those 23 pies, galldurnit, eat sumpthin'! I find it strange because here in America two-thirds of us are overweight. You'd think that there were other days where this was really acceptable. Yes, Christmas is filled with ham and whatnot, but it's more about spending money (more about that later). The Fourth of July has hot-dog eating contests, but the latest champion--two years running--has been Japanese (competitors say it's unfair because the Japanese have two stomachs; no joke)! Easter has those big chocolate bunnies where you bite the ears off first, but nobody ever finishes them. On a side note, I was wondering why they didn't have big chocolate Jesuses instead, and then I though about how we eat the bunnies. For the first time, the chocolate rabbits made sense!

Do I?

"I don't even want to call that a song..." --MTV VJ on Las Ketchup's "The Ketchup Song"

Wednesday, November 27, 2002

CD: Sleater-Kinney, "One Beat"

I'm waiting on a friend. Is that a Rolling Stones song? Last week, one hundred students sat in this very computer lab and refused to leave as a protest against short library hours. I admire that, and would have joined in the protest had I known about it, but dang! How did they stay here so long without being bored about of their minds? They were probably Talking Amongst Themselves. Here I have the Internet, which is like saying "A weekend in jail isn't too bad as long as you have a good novel to read!" And the people I usually talk to? That's who I'm waiting for! So I must wait here alone at a computer hoping for an IM because I don't own a cell phone and the pay phones are fifty cents now and I could use my calling card but with pay phones they take an extra nine minutes off so what's that use and There they are. Thank goodness, I'm starving. I'll see you folks later.

"Brute Force Method. Eat 'em and smile." --Tim Schrock

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

CD: U2, "Best Of 1990-2000: The B-Sides"

I took last week off of work so I could get homework done. I'm old enough now so that I don't believe I'll actually get anything accomplished, and I've lived up to my own hype. Five full days and nothing to show for it. How many times did I have the books in my hands, ready to type? How many times did I mentally plan out the days when I would get A, B, C, and D done, even down to a calculation of pages written per day? How many times did I say to myself, "I shall go get a piece of pie/check the mail/watch TV for 30 minutes and then start"? How many times did I finally give up and go to bed early? How many licks does it take to get to the center of my problem? One? A-two? A-three? I guess I'll never know. O sweet, sugary procrastination, how you torment me!

"It's so exciting, you can't wait/You finally get to graduate/We hope that all your dreams come true/Congratulations, class of 2002!" --"Smarter," the Beanie Baby owl slash last-minute graduation present

Monday, November 25, 2002

CD: Soundgarden, "Badmotorfinger"

I don't feel like writing anything today so I'll just copy the away messages from my buddy list:

I'm near my computer, just not close enough to see that you im'ed me. Leave a message anyway, and i'll be back.

Happy 21st to the Akron class of '99!

The most disgusting thing i've ever seen. Period.


help. help ive got no e-mail

The Property of Ones:

The ONE^itude is directionally proportional to the COLD^itude of the ONE.

"Because A One That Isn't Cold, Is Scarcely A One At All" -- S.B.

Nov232002 (3:48:08 AM): errg.
AClNOM (3:48:15 AM): ::hug::
Nov232002 (3:48:19 AM): yeah.
Nov232002 (3:48:21 AM): that.

Oh, ALGORITHMS how do I hate thee... let me count the ways.
No Information Provided

I'll be at the church all day sunday, then i'll be in houghton to visit some good buddies! Be on the look out!

Seminary Student: Christ the King, East Aroura NY
Intern @ Orchard Park Wesleyan Church
Wedding Date: August 2nd, 2003

gettin' some gas

What Flavour Are You? I taste like alcohol, surprise surprise!! :-)

sickness sucks!

1 day till Jeff comeshome!!
2 days till Fatih turns 20!
4 days till Thanksgiving!
10 days till Bianca turns 21!

The Few, The Proud, The D-Force!

"So cry just a little for me
If your love could be caged,
honey I would hold the key
And conceal it underneath the pile of lies you handed me
And you'd hunt those lies
They'd be all you'd ever find
And that'd be all you'd have to know For me to be fine"

Note: AOL member profiles are not accessible through AOL Instant Messenger.

"The coolest pet animal would be a duck-billed platypus because you'd be the most popular person on your block with such an ugly animal." --Sarah Whitlocke

Sunday, November 24, 2002

CD: Ravel, "Bolero"

As I sat trying to find extra room in my stomach for the fish fry special, a dreadful thought occurred to me: on Thanksgiving Day, I will be required to stuff inordinate amounts of [bland] food into my body in an act of blind patriotism. Chances are I won't be cooking it, and the chances are even greater that I won't deserve it. So while at the diner, stuffed, I decided that I will fast for Thanksgiving; well, as much as I can without looking rude. The leftovers usually last until Christmas dinner anyway, so I won't be missing anything. But I definitely won't have breakfast or lunch, and I'm thinking of skipping dinner the night before as well. We'll be going to Grandma's for pie later--I'll partake in that because if I don't I'll be disowned.

Which reminds me: the day after Thanksgiving is the busiest shopping day of the year. It is also National Don't Buy Anything Day, a protest against the pervasive commercialization of our culture. Instead of going shopping, spend some quality time with the family. Take a walk or make a snowman (where applicable), create handmade gifts, call a loved one. Don't let the Coca-Cola Santa tell you how to celebrate a religious holiday!

Or, just get some homework done. You promised you would...

"All I wanna do, zoom-a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom" --Wreckz In Effect

"I wanna really really really wanna zig-a zig ha" --Spice Girls

Saturday, November 23, 2002

CD: The Presidents Of The United States Of America, "The Presidents Of The United States Of America"

Yesterday there was an ammonia leak at the Perry's Ice Cream plant about six doors down, at about 1 in the morning. The air was acidicly pungent: the ammonia got in your eyes, nose and mouth. It was odd because I was taking out the garbage at the time, so I thought it was that, and then I realized that my nose was burning from the inside, and there were cops and firemen all over the street. Within about 30 minutes we were asked to evacuate. "Evacuate" is the key word here, so my mother slept through the whole thing and my brother just kind of sat around. My sister went to visit a friend in Buffalo. My father tried turning all the lights off so the cops wouldn't come over, but when he found out they needed to pick up citizens with school buses he got all excited and volunteered to drive.

I was just about to go to bed, and though I wasn't worried about it I figured I'd check out the scene. Everyone without a place to go was asked to relocate to the town fire hall, so I drove up there. There were about 100-120 people there, mostly young families and really, really old people. It seems like fire halls are havens for senior citizens, what with the bingo display and the stacks of "Forever Young" magazine hanging around. I grabbed me a mag and enjoyed a nice cup of water. They broke out the coffee, pretzels and potato chips, and eventually the cold cuts and bread, but I just came for the atmosphere. Televisions were playing Conan O'Brien, with periodic crawls about us that didn't really tell us anything except that "no injuries have been reported." It was pretty boring.

The Channel 2 news truck was there, however. I don't think the reporter found much to talk about, but I could see him going for the Old Person interview, looking for the oldest, most haggard-looking people he could find. Shortly afterward we were told the police would let us back home. I stayed five more minutes to watch the local news; a young family also stayed because, of course, the dad knew they were going to broadcast live and he wanted to walk past the camera ON AIR! Whee!

So did I. Once the guy's report started I walked out the door, right behind the interview. Wouldn't you know, but waiting outside in an idle bus was my father, waiting to give people a ride.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I just got on TV."

"Could you tell the people inside that a bus is waiting for them?"

I did, but only the young couple got on. Everyone had pretty much left except some really old people who had nothing better to do. This morning the power went out, meaning there's more trouble at the plant, but it's an ice cream plant, not a nuclear reactor, and there isn't much to worry about. So anyway, that was my evening.

Man: "Did you see me?! Did you see me walk by?!"
Wife: "I did! You were on the TV screen!"
Man: "Ha ha!"

Friday, November 22, 2002

CD: Stevie Wonder, "Songs In The Key Of Life"

A couple of nights ago I had a dream that Ed was dead. "But Fred," you could have said, "your head was in bed. Ed's not dead!" 'Tis true. At first I felt bad about the whole thing. After all, Ed being dead would be a bad thing. After a couple more minutes of dreaming I realized: I was supposed to visit Ed with Joe next month. Now what? I should call Joe! I wonder if he found out, too. Maybe I would have to break the bad news to him. I don't know Joe's phone number well enough to dial him in my dreams, so in the last few minutes of sleep I was able to assess the situation. How did Ed die? I should have probably found out. Who could I ask? Probably the person that told me he died. Who was that? I don't remember. Why not? Did anyone actually tell me? Hmm, awful fuzzy. Is Ed really dead? If he's not, am I making all this up? Why would I make all this up? Am I dreaming? Did I get up this morning? No? Well there you go. And then I woke up.

So in conclusion, Ed just posted a letter about going to the Danko Jones show last night so I have conclusive proof that he's alive. Thank goodness!

"I might not be the flashiest dresser in the room/I might not know how to look a girl in the eye/I might not have the right pick-up lines/but I'll show you what I got/you see when I was growing up I got the inside scoop I used to watch all the fellows down the block/when they worked I watched and I learned the Lovercall."

Thursday, November 21, 2002

CD: Beastie Boys, "Licensed To Ill"

I have an aversion to pork for disgestive reasons. It just doesn't dissipate correctly or something; if I were an expert in those kinds of matters I could explain in medical terms the more disgusting aspects of the situation while still sounding somewhat dignified. Nevertheless, I still find myself dealing with hot dogs on a regular basis. My intention is never to just "go get a hot dog" because I am always looking for better fare. There it sits in the fridge, however, taunting me. Say I am about to make some soup, or reheat a casserole. Hey, I can eat a hot dog while I wait? Then, somehow I must finished the package I opened. the end of the night I've had four or five of the things and my stomach is re-enacting that ship-on-stormy-seas scene from the Pepto-Bismol commercial. What are these things made of, anyway?

Studio mic: "C'mon, Dave, gimme a break."
David Lee Roth: "One break, comin' up!"

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

CD: Van Halen, "Diver Down"

Blank Tapes! Everyone must get they'selves some Blank Tapes. This week I had a great radio show, where each song was preceded by an audio clip from that great movie, "Shaft." It was so good it should have been recorded. And you know what? It WAS, thanks to Blank Tapes! Now I can relive all of the great moments I had, which in some cases will be the first time because I kept falling asleep! And last night, whilst watching reruns of Saturday Night Live on Comedy Central, they just happened to be playing the episode where the one and only Natalie Imbruglia sings! Thanks to Blank Tapes, I have this earth-shattering, breakthrough first American performance close at hand for all posterity! Thank you, Natalie, for an amazing live version of "Torn!" And thank YOU, Blank Tapes!

Shaft: "Why don't you stop playing with yourself, Willie?"

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

CD: The Police, "Ghost In The Machine"

Cops are really friendly, but the only time you see them are when you've done something wrong. The same goes with judges; sure, they're polite, but they're also just about to throw you in jail or sentence you to death or something like that so when they smile it can really be aggrivating. I haven't had that sort of problem yet, because my crimes are so petty they're laughable in their own right. Getting up in front of a judge, then, is almost fun in my case. Last night I paid (through the nose) for a speeding ticket, but the cops and the judge were just so NICE about the whole thing. I even found out that the judge was the guy that fixed up my brother's old car a few months ago, to donate it to the City Mission. Now that's a nice guy! I paid $125.

Judge: "So why were you going so fast?"
Woman: "I was late for a class..."
J: "Oh, what do you study?"
W: "Criminal Justice." [court breaks out in laughter]

Monday, November 18, 2002

CD: Beck, "Mellow Gold"

Some time ago I parked in a lot near my school, and a bum proceeded to ask me for money. I wasn't going to give him any, but I was late anyhow so I couldn't even pretend to listen to him for a minute...

Bum: "Excuse me sir, but I was wondering if I could have a few minutes of your time. My wife and I have fallen on hard..."

Me: "I'm late for class! I gotta go!"

Bum: "OH!!" You ALWAYS 'GOTTA GO!!'"

That memory is still burned into my mind. Last week, however, another bum "helped me park" in downtown Buffalo. I thought about karma, listened to his speech, got tired of it quickly, and just handed over two bucks. You can't get anything for a buck these days, so I gave him two. Well, you can get 20 minutes worth of calls anywhere in the U.S. for only 99 cents, but I assume he doesn't have a phone. So there, two dollars. Still not feeling very nice because I tried bribing a bum to get him to leave me alone, I put about a dollar's worth of change in the Salvation Army bucket at Wal-Mart the next day.

Karma is real! That very day I also returned the pop cans that were lying around my house, and the money it made me was equal to the amount I gave to the Army and the second panhandler. Just like in "Abbey Road"!

Jimmy: "Cheddar! Put down the gun! Where did you get that thing?!"

Cheddar: "It's my mom's!"

--"8 Mile"

Sunday, November 17, 2002

CD: Spice Girls, "Spice"

Recently I bought some new clothes, which is pretty much a once-a-year event. It used to be because I didn't have the money to get new clothes. I have the money now, but I don't need to wear anything. Well, that's not entirely the case. But I have several sets of clothes:

1.) Formal wear. Never wear it, never wash it, never wear it out. I have the same dress shoes I had in eighth grade.

2.) Dress clothes. You know, decent pants and maybe a tie. I wear these about a third of the time, so you can probably throw two or three shirts in the hamper after the week, as well as three good pairs of socks. This is for actual work, and I have the five shirts I need to get me through a good month if I mix it up right.

3.) A crappy work uniform. Only on weekends, and then they're hidden from the other five days.

4.) Xenophobe wear. When I come home, I put these on. Usually, plaid pajama bottoms with an equally disgusting plait button shirt. I probably look like ICP on the PGA Tour but I'm not leaving the house, am I?

After that, what else do I need? I do the laundry once a week (maybe) and no one is the wiser. And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get out of my 3 and change into my 4; have a good night.

QUANTUM LOVE: Young physicist seeking a very "physical" relationship with someone who wants to pursue the "mysterious equations of love". Must be in same reference frame over 18."
--Jim Steinman

Saturday, November 16, 2002

CD: Pearl Jam, "Riot Act"

I'm working my way down to one meal a day again, but sensible meals this time. I used to eat one meal a day, but that meal would be, say, one pound of spahgetti and a couple Fluffernutter sandwiches. Now it involves a decent sandwich (hopefully from Subway!) and a glass of Something. So far this has been working pretty well. Last night, however, I decided to splurge on a salad. Oh man, I can't believe I just typed that. Anyway, this happened to be a salad from a truck stop, meaning that I had to find the lettuce under a quilt of cheese. Good cheese, yes, but still. And the salad was accompanied by a mug (yep!) full of Ranch dressing. Do you ever wonder why truck drivers have guts bigger than some states' panhandles, even when they don't drink most of the time? It's because the healthiest food they eat has fat like Oprah has...well, fat.

"Eve was framed" --bumper sticker

Friday, November 15, 2002

CD: Stevie Wonder, "Innervisions"

Belatedly, I must give a shout out to the supposedly loosely-related Congressman Ed Schrock of Virginia on his recent election to a second term in the United States House of Representatives. Ed Schrock is a stauch supporter of Reagan-era economics and international policies and can't stand gays in the military, which he believes was a failed experiment by the the Clinton Administration that ruined troop morale (this was an integral part of his campaign). He also served two tours in Vietnam and looks kind of like my grandpa. With 84% of the vote, Schrock defeated his Green Party challenger by a more than 5-1 ratio. Congratulations, Ed. And, just wondering: did your family come from Lancaster County?

"You all up in my grill but you don't know what I'm cookin'!" --Clarence High School Student

Thursday, November 14, 2002

CD: Erykah Badu, "Mama's Gun"

I spend longer amounts of time in my car now that my commutes between work, home, and school are more than twenty miles in any direction. It is not inordinate to find myself driving from 90 minutes to two hours a day. This means I listen to a lot of CDs, which I turn up until my ears hum and my mouth starts a feeble attempt at harmonizing with females and falsettos. But what to listen to when, say, your mother is in your car? Today I searched my CD collection in vain and settled on Green Day. I figured she couldn't take Beck or Radiohead ("Why do you have to listen to such depressing music?") and finally settled with Green Day. If you turn it way, way down, all you can hear is chord changes and no swearing. Past studies have shown that moms like Weezer but can't stand Nirvana. Jazz just makes the trip seem longer. Also, the Beatles are great but you have to let Mom do the choruses.

"I love how ESPN has NBA games on now. This is the change my life needed." --Jeff Gross

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

CD: Alan Parsons Project, "Master Hits"'

Awwwww...I got me a new winter jacket today. "Tis sweet. All soft on the inside and with big pockets on the outside, with a giant hood that makes me look like i'm in a Naughy By Nature video. It's also a large size, meaning that hood can make me look like a scared turtle if pulled over my head. I hope to use this jacket during my upcoming trip to Europe, where I will spend a number of overnights on a train. I envision sitting in my seat, mummified by my coat, oblivious to the continent speeding past me as I get some well-deserved sleep. Most people are not energized by coat purchases, but this is my first new one since 8th grade--yes, 8th grade!--and to have a coat without missing lining or buttons is like manna. Maybe tonight I will sleep on the floor, in my new jacket, like a seven-year-old girl to her new swimsuit.

"I don't know what you came to do...I came to get tha stank offa you..." --Cee-Lo Green

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

CD: Radiohead, "OK Computer"

Yesterday my manager came up to me, and in a very serious tone told me, "you have a call." I never get calls at work, and I wondered who it might be. The man on the other end identified himself as a Chief Operations Officer for the company:

Him: Is this Frederick Schrock?
Me: Yes...
H: How are you doing today?
M: Good, good...
H: We recently found out that you were traveling to Europe in the next few months, and we were wondering if you would be a Secret Shopper for us in some of our franchises there.
M: ...Um, sure...It depends on where they are, though.
H: Well, we have several locations in the area of Bielefield, Germany.
M: Really? I'll just happen to be staying there.
H: That's excellent!
By the way, Fred, it's Ed. How've you been?

Ed called from Germany. I haven't heard from him for three months, and got my work number from a friend in Nashville. He totally pranked me, dude, and he did it from 4000 miles away. Is that a world record?

"So a pirate walks into a bar. There's a steering wheel attached to his fly. The bartender goes, "Hey, what the steering wheel doing sticking out of your pants?" And the pirate goes, "Arrr! It's driving me nuts!"
--Tim Schrock, AKA DJ Middle Finger

Monday, November 11, 2002

11 11 02

CD: Portishead, "Portishead"

Tonight's topic is ice cream. When my family buys ice cream there is usually a big debate over what to get, and the ice cream is usually categorized into three main categories:

Vanilla. This means regular vanilla about 90% of the time, but may sometimes branch out to other bland flavors such as Maple Walnut. I do not hate these flavors but they don't make me very happy. These are the flavors the parents want to eat, without any reason other than brash conservativism. One may consider "Cookies & Cream" in this section, but it is rarely agreed chosen (too bad, too).

Fruit. This involves strawberries, usually. Or cherries. Or blueberries, or a whole mix of them in what is usually a vanilla-based flavor called "All American Moose" or something odd like that. Of course, you could always just buy vanilla and add fruit to it later, but then the ice cream just wouldn't look so neat coming out of the box. In my opinion, utterly useless.

Chocolate. In some form, chocolate must be present. ("Cookies & Cream" MAY count.) The best ones are the Death by Chocolates, the Fudge Brownies, the Mint Ting-A-Lings, the Cookie Doughs, the Peanut Butter Cups. I only approve of these kinds. Why? Because they have flavor, they taste like a real dessert (Strawberries!? Save them for brunch!) and thank goodness they have chocolate, the most important taste since Water. Why anything else?

I make it a point to be present during the Ice Cream Selection Process because I insist on having at least one chocolate ice cream chosen. In these later, more refined years, I almost refuse to eat any other kind. C'mon people...vanilla? If I put milk in the freezer long enough I can make something just like it. How about adding some magic cocoa beans, dude?! And chop up some candy bars in there so we can have two desserts at once! You gotta make sure it sits heavy in my stomach, because I'll be eating it for breakfast--the most important meal of the day!

"I am the king of Boggle, there is none higher; I get 11 points off the word "quagmire" --Beastie Boys

Sunday, November 10, 2002

CD: Limp Bizkit, "3 Dollar Bill, Y'All"' (this one's really lousy)

I was just thinking about what I would do if I was Iraq. Not Saddam Hussein, but Iraq, because I'm not sure if I can sympathize with him. So say I'm Iraq. You've been bombing me just about every day for the past ten years, a little here and there. And now you want me to disarm, because now--suddenly--I'm a threat to you again. All these daily bombings were just a little recess horseplay, I guess. But anyway, unless I disarm and make myself completely vulnerable to attack, I'm going to be attacked and then disarmed. Either way, I'm going to get pantsed in the lunch line. So I can either eat my government-subsidized lunch without any pants on or drop the lunch and try beating up the guy that's been bullying me for ten years. Sure, I'm really hungry and could use the food. But isn't it still worth it? I just don't know...

Hannah: "Ed called you."
Fred: "When did he call?"
H: "Eight o'clock."
F: "But Hannah, it's 7:30..."

Saturday, November 09, 2002

CD: various, "20 Years Of Dischord"

I just found a bunch of Random Quotes that Dave scribbled on our road map when we were traveling to Indiana last week:

"12:30 PM. Fred wearing aviator sunglasses. [complete with artist's rendering]"

"Fred cont'd wearing them. It was dark! (cloudy)"

"Mooreheadville, PA!"

"3:29 PM. Fred really has to pee. But, rest stop is CLOSED!"

"3:38. Fred's foot tapping to alleviate the pain of his bladder."

"3:41: Fred pulls over on expressway. Pees under bridge!"

"3:48. Fred finishes up."

Friday, November 08, 2002

CD: Foo Fighters, "One By One"

One thing I miss about college is the late classes. Sure, freshman year you are stuck with Intro To Useless Info at eight in the morning, but by the time you're a junior you're getting up at noon, and don't have classes on Friday. (At least, that was my situation. Bwah ha ha.) But in the "real" world, apparently this is not the case anymore. Waking up at 5:30, 5:39, 5:48, 5:57 and 6:06 is a big pain compared to Eventually Getting Out Of Bed around 11ish. This morning I was even later than normal because I had to wait my turn for use of the shower, something I haven't had to do since the Clinton Administration. Then there's "rush hour", probably the first time the movie's been better than the thing it was based on, and a modern-day oxymoron to boot. Dif'rent Strokes, I guess. Being cut off by a truck on the I-90 is my tuition now.

"The Mission of the West Seneca Central School District is to provide a diversified education program which will produce literate, caring, ethical, responsible, and productive citizens who are capable of adapting to change." --Bulletin Board

Thursday, November 07, 2002

CD: Medeski Martin & Wood, "Uninvisible"

I was supposed to stop talking about Subway sandwiches but I just can't. This story, however, is the best of all. As previously seen on "Blog," a customer enjoys Subway sandwiches, goes temporarily insane, and decides he wants to write the company telling them how great they are. Yesterday, they wrote back. I got an official letter from the central office (On Subway letterhead! Yes!) thanking me for my interest in the Subway family and for my words of encouragement. THEN I look again into the envelope and whoopdie-doo, there are THREE two dollar coupons off the purchase of any Subway product! That's right, they gave me $6 just for writing an E-mail! So if you're hungry, poor, and have E-mail access (it's hard getting that Trifecta) log on to and claim your free food!

"George Washington was born February 22, 1732 in the state of Vagina"

-History Report by student from West Seneca

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

CD: The Busdrivers, promo EP

Unpacking from a trip is a real pain. I think it is especially tedious when the trip wasn't very long. There are clothes, of course. That's the most time consuming. I have yet to see someone who still had a neat suitcase when they came back home; usually there is a roughshod pile of debris crammed into one side of the case while the other side has some layers of clean clothes mixed in with random souveniers, as tectonic shifting has caused the folded shirts to mix with, say, the socks or a snowglobe. All clothes, whether worn or not, must be washed. Clean clothes may have been contaminated by close location to the "dirty clothes bag" and a lack of fresh airflow. Then comes the cleanup of miscellany: receipts, brochures you kept for no reason whatsoever, camera film rolls, that hotel card key you ended up not having to return to the front desk. Those don't have to be washed, but you have to find them first. During the trip you have excercised every one of the 13 pockets in your suitcase for the sake of convenience, and now you can't find a thing. Don't tell yourself these objects are useless, however, even though they are. If not cleared away, you'll be in Orlando finding cough drops you put in your bag in Washington three years before, look at it for a second, think "what the hey, why not," eat it and die of pneumonia a month later. It happened to President Harrison, you know.

Q: "Heigh ho for our Cape Cod,
Heigh ho Nantasket,
Do not let the Boston wags
Feel your oyster basket."
-Original verse to "Yankee Doodle"

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

CD: Cee-Lo, "Cee-Lo Green And His Perfect Imperfections"

While taking a driving break on a trip from Terre Haute, Indiana to Buffalo, New York, my buddy Dave and I stopped to eat at a Blimpie's Subs outside of Akron, Ohio. But this wasn't just a Blimpie's Subs, oh no. In the same room as the sub shop was a Nextel cellular phone dealership, bottled wines for sale, a candy shop, condoms (right next to the suckers on the shelves, and several giant windows where you could see the automatic car wash at work. Also, the room was half of a building where a full Dodge dealership was located. How does a room make any sense? So in conclusion, if I were to anthropologically study the people of Akron, Ohio based on this store I would see wine and clean cars, condoms and kids' candy, and cell phones and automobiles. And I would think to myself, "These people have no laws."

Today starts the daily Random Quote. At the end of each post I will quote something I read or heard that day that I think will stand alone as an interesting statement:

"Fred's always dickin' around with lunch meat."
Dave Hill

Monday, November 04, 2002

CD: Stevie Wonder, "Songs In The Key Of Life" [See 11/01]

So I'm going on a road trip, coming up last Friday. [See 11/01] And I driving my good buddy Dave for ten hours. Dave is one of many people who do not trust my directional skills, which is a shame; I unconsciously take scenic routes, probably led by a Higher Power for reasons mere mortals cannot explain, but all I hear from my passengers is: "We're not lost again, are we?" We always get there, and usually within a close approximation of being On Time. I don't see the problem. And I just know that the first turn I make, Dave will yell about something: about how I took it too fast; about how I was supposed to go left, not right; about how I almost hit that Kid On A Bike; how I am going to hit that car in front of me; and the ubiquitous "Who taught you to drive?" Silly crabs, trips are for Freds!

Sunday, November 03, 2002

CD: Stevie Wonder, "Songs In The Key Of Life" [See 11/01]

Hi again. On Thursday I decided to break out the ol' pile of sweaters put away since last year. I did this because it's cold, of course. And with that sentence I have driven my post into a brick wall.

So anyway, I wanted to wear one of the sweaters that day. Since it was put away so long, however, there was a big crease from where it was folded. I was going to take a shower anyway, so I put it on a hangar in the bathroom. Water running, I tried to think of ways to bring more steam into the room. Hmm. Well, I could close the door. HAHAHAHA! Just kidding. But I did close the door of the Closet in the bathroom; that helped. What else would concentrate the steam towards the sweater? I ended up bring several larger items, such as my me-sized clothes hamper into the room, so as to take up more space, pushing the steam--hopefully--nearer the area of my sweater.

All of my extra planning took about 20 minutes, and by that time there was barely any hot water to take a shower with. So that was schwag. Also, the crease never came out. Schwag again. Finally, no one noticed the crease. Bonus. See, entropy means a happy ending!

Friday, November 01, 2002

CD: Stevie Wonder, "Songs In The Key Of Life"

Well I'm going on a little trip tomorrow and since I won't post any fantastic updates about my important life in the next few days, I figured I could just do it now. Also, I am here in the computer lab waiting for something to finish printing, so what else am I supposed to do? The printer here is one of those older ones that use the long, attached pieces of paper with the holes on both sides. Yeah, the cheap stuff. Teachers won't accept them so that's why I can print out half a ream for free. Looking at it now, however, I realize that I can barely read half of the font. You know how some people spell "encyclopedia" with that conjoined "AE" thing? All of the letters on the page look like that. And the numbers? Don't even ask. Like a just scanned some kindergardener's glitter art.