Thursday, December 29, 2005

Chariots on Ice

Cute Overload

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Festivus Festivities

The Holiday for the Rest of Us

These pictures were all taken last night. There are too many to capture them all. It would also mean I'd have to explain what this one was all about. I'm not about to get into that. . . .


Tuesday, December 27, 2005

CHRONICles of Narnia

YouTube - SNL

Ed and I celebrated Festivus this morning, and our Airing of Grievances consisted mostly of the fact that we were the only ones that showed up. For some reason, few people want to get up early after Christmas for some Denny's. Wack.

Linked above is the best SNL skit I've seen in a long time. Double true.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Santa From Space

Google Earth Blog

He's hard to keep your eye on because he's moving so fast. At the time of this post, Santa's cruising through India quicker than a Wal-Mart through a local economy.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Best FARK thread since the Grey Wave

Osama bin Laden's niece renounces family and poses for hot photos in men's magazine

I'm still writing my Masters Project. Almost done, but frustrating. More details as I procrastinate.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

THE Media Play, THE!

The Final Play for Musicland's Bookselling Media Play Chain

Thank goodness this chain is folding (except I feel bad for its employees). Media Play used to have a sweet selection of import CDs and regular albums at a regular price of $11.99. But that was in 1995. Maybe if they had kept their selection up and prices low they'd still be making money. The last couple of times I went to Media Play they had spread tons of Britney Spears albums over the racks to make them look full. The imports section disappeared as well, so I often found myself using the bathroom and leaving. That was one good thing about the store: the large bathroom near the entrance. Anyway, my best Media Play find was a copy of the Wesley Willis Fiasco album, with a broken case and no price tag, at the bottom of a Used Discount bin. Not Used OR Discounted but both. When the cashier called for a price check the guy on the other end just laughed. To conclude abruptly, only buy used CDs from stores unless the albums are brand new. Get everything else on Amazon.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Star Jones is a lawyer, too

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Inboxer Rebellion (Microsoft/AOL Giveaway)

I recently received this E-mail from Jerry ( (formerly of Jerry on the Couch fame) right before he came in to say I should read it right now because I might make some money!!!!exclamation!! Then he got all mad because I told him he was retarded. You might want to contact the E-mail addresses below and tell them the same thing. IMPORTANT: The new 2006 Jerry on the Couch Commemorative Calendar is now available at the Batavia Mall!

What channel is the GOOD MORNING AMERICA TODAY SHOW on, anyway?

In a message dated 12/4/2005 8:49:42 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, writes:

thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Kathie Patterson (
Date: Sun, 4 Dec 2005 17:49:23 -0800 (PST)

Note: forwarded message attached.

Yahoo! DSL – Something to write home about.
Just $16.99/mo. or less.

Start your day with Yahoo! - Make it your home page!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Carol Cummings (
Date: Sun, 4 Dec 2005 05:38:09 -0500

----- Original Message -----
From: Betty Jackson (
Sent: Saturday, December 03, 2005 9:17 AM

----- Original Message -----
From: Lisa Pantano (
Sent: Thursday, December 01, 2005 8:03 PM

Lisa Pantano
16 Bailey Road
Hilton, NY 14468
-------Original Message-------

From: Jess P Bedard (
Date: 12/01/05 19:59:33

----- Original Message -----
From: Pags Puters (
Sent: Thursday, December 01, 2005 6:54 PM


Kathy South Alcoa - EHS Maintenance Coordinator, Phone: 765/771 - 3547

Pager : 765/420 - 6575

To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages, But this is from my friend Pearlas Sandborn and she really is an attorney.

If she says that this will work - It will work. After all, What have you got to lose?

SORRY EVERYBODY.. JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! I'm an attorney, And I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest assured AOL and Intel will follow through with their promises for fear of facing a multimillion-dollar class action suit similar to the one filed by PepsiCo against General Electric not too long ago.

Dear Friends; Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent later. Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it (If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks time period.

For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, You will be paid $241.00. Within tw o weeks, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a check.

Regards. Charles S Bailey General Manager Field Operations

1-800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or 904-1085 or RNX


thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my address and withindays, &! gt; receive a check for $24,800.00. You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone can affoard this, Bill gates is the man.

It's all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many people as possible. You are bound to get at least $10,000.00 We're not going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a little something for our time. My brother's girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When i went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game. She showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid in full"

Like i said before, I know the law, and this is for real.


No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.1.362 / Virus Database: 267.13.0/167 - Release Date: 11/11/2005

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Inboxer Rebellion (Microsoft/AOL Giveaway)

Friday, December 02, 2005

Pandora's Jukebox

created by the Music Genome Project

You are the celtic goddess Rhiannon, as the patron
of poets and death, madness, and magic of the
nuturing earth sort, you are the wise woman
everyone tests themselves against, although
many fail in comparision.

Which goddess are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Low Rent

LA Weekly: Film

In college a certain roommate was obsessed with Rent. He played it every bloody day, then sing it, then play it WHILE singing it. But it's not his fault that it makes me cringe. I can't stand most musicals in general: they're just a ton of overacting mixed with songs chock full of plot reiterations. The best part about Rent is that it inspired Avenue Q and Team America: World Police's "Everyone Has AIDS". This review sums it up pretty well.

Anyway, below is a sound file my mother likes to call "Revenge of the Pinheads". Circa 1999 my brother's friend Zack (known to some as "Lenny" left a number of messages on our answering machine. In one case, he forgot to hang up the receiver. The conversation overheard with his roommate is hilarious. Since then, Zack has become a born-again Christian active in the music ministries of area several churches. Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I'm Very Interested In Hearing Some Half-Baked Theories

from The Onion. This too.

There have been some minor changes to the Blog. For the first time in over three years, I have installed a counter! That means I can now find out how many times I've refreshed the page in order to see the counter go up! I've also edited down the Blogroll. The "Josh Sucks" blog seems to have gone the way of "Jerry On The Couch" and "Chris On A White Horse". The only thing less frequent than Dave Hill's posts are leap years, so he's off the list for now. Micah's blog is off the list because he made his personal posts private, meaning we'll never see him with a plunger on his head ever again. If you know of a good blog (including your own), please reply and I might add it to the sidebar. If you've started posting again, DAVE, please let us know as well.

Some blogs are not allowed. You know who you are! You are:

--13 y3aRz 0lD n KaNt RyT B/C yR 2 KeWl 4 gRaMm3r@!!! U s|-|uD B s|-|0t!!11 N dA FASE!!% No one thinks you're special because of random capitalization and leetspeak. Palsied or epileptic, maybe. . . .

--writing more than two sentences about the Bush Administration or the Iraq War. It's been five years, it's already been said a million times before, and you're not a real news commentator. Remember the infinite retellings of the "Chester Charlie" joke in elementary school? Reading you has become physically painful. The Buffalo Beast is being watched.

--posting rambling "he said/she said" epics about people you have crushes on. This also goes for whining about how you miss your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. I hope they read every word. It will really help them out during the hearings for your restraining order.

--technically incapable of expanding the text box beyond the size of a cell phone display. Tinker with the template for a while. Come on! And while you're at it, get rid of the useless warning boxes as well.

--devoid of a life. If the average blogger doesn't have a life, what's there to say about a blogger who only talks about their favorite TV show? (Be sure to check out the numerous comments on that last one.)

--automatically playing media while the site loads. I learned this one the hard way, but at least I LEARNED!

--suicidal or bat-shit insane. It's hard to sympathize with someone who wants attention more than professional help.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Midstate Office Supply

"Since 1960, the state's finest dealer of office supplies and business machines"

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Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The Literary Genesis of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back"

We Like Media


There exist some songs created without any meaning or artistic intent whatsoever. I would argue that Baby Got Back is not one of those songs. Its rhymes are witty and contagious, it's funny, and it makes people (or at least their butts) dance. You could even argue that with lyrics such as "So, I'm looking at rock videos / Knock-kneed bimbos, walking like hos / You can have them bimbos / I'll keep my women like Flo-Jo," Sir Mix-a-Lot appears to be fighting the objectification of black women in the media. No wonder he was knighted!

Anyway, back to the crap. One new song by Trace "No Carbs" Adkins is called Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. Here are some lyrical excerpts:

Ooh, she put her beer down
Here she comes
Here she comes
Left left left right left
. . .
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
That honky tonk badonkadonk

So what are Adkins' values? He states them at the end: "That's it, right there boys, that's why we do what we do / It ain't for the money, it ain't for the glory, it ain't for the free whiskey / It's for the badonkadonk." It doesn't exactly have Sir Mix-a-Lot's class. And Adkins' studio musicians seem bored and stilted. You'd think a country song referencing Donkey Kong would sound slightly original, not like its creators were being paid by the hour. What does "goin' on like Donkey Kong" even mean, anyway? Did the woman throw a barrel at her plumber before Trace's friend slapped his grandma?

Another crappy song is by a group that used to be 120 Minutes favorite back in 1997. Now they have a very non-Flo-Jo woman helping them sell stereos for Best Buy. Her monosyllabic stutterings on My Humps almost makes us forget this Black Eyed Peas song doesn't have a decent chorus. I pity the fool who transcribed these lyrics:

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps
. . .
They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it,
If u touch it I’ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

This song has the social consciousness of Lynndie England's bachelorette party. I never thought I'd say this, but Baby Got Back is the apex of all T&A songs, with a sense of musical quality and cultural vitality unmatched in its fifteen-year existence. A word to the thick soul sisters.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Lake Justwannabarn

Flamewar at the Christian Broadcasting Network

This plot of land on Hunts-Corners Road has been under construction--and water--for months.

Joe owns a jacket similar to mine. Poser.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

When Only Slabs of Pink, Jellied Byproduct Will Do

Los Angeles Times

Buddy Joe and I considered going to the Sabres game last night as well as seeing The Shining at Midnight Movie Madness. But first, eats. We met at Duff's at six o'clock facing a twenty minute wait for seats. Forty-one wings later we were late for the game. We watched part of the game on his TV and then he serenaded me with some of his new demos. I read his Spin and checked my Ebay auctions. Then we decided not to go the movies and watched part of Saturday Night Live instead. Until SNL started I felt we'd wasted the night. Sure, Duff's hit the spot (and then tried burning a whole through its lining). But it was a lot of buildup and a couple big letdowns. After seeing the first six or seven sketches, however, I realized that it was only one night. The SNL writers wasted a WHOLE WEEK. There were two sketches where the same guy impersonated two different news anchors. What's the point? And what about Catherine Zeta-Jones dancing--two more sketches--is at all funny? Guest correspondent bits on Weekend Update went out of their way to avoid punchlines. I haven't watched that show in a couple years and wow, I don't regret it at all! Now that Tina Fey is back I hope she can knock some sense into everybody.

As I write this the blandness continues. I'm having the second-worst day of my three-year NFL Pro Pick'em career, and the Bills are losing by a couple touchdowns to the freakin' Raiders. I finished off the leftover wings from Duff's and have a belly too expanded to consider changing out of my pajamas. I also have work tonight and won't get back home until about 11 AM tomorrow. Flange-tastic!

Sunday, October 09, 2005

When Your Story's A Lemon . . .

San Antonio Proudly Lines Up Behind the Military Recruiter
(login may be needed)

CAPTION: Just because you're saving the world doesn't mean you have to like it

This front page article from the New York Times has forced me to use the quote function on my blog template. For that alone I should be mad. The article's argument is this:
This city has its critics of the war in Iraq and its angry mothers who try to shame recruiters into going home. More than anything, though, it has a powerful patriotism and a deep respect for the military life.

At a time when the divide is widening between the cities and regions that send their children to war and those that do not, San Antonio remains a ready source of what the military needs most: people.

Those silly angry mothers and their lack of patriotism. So as I read this I thought "Gee, I know there have been problems with recruitment; maybe San Antonio is bucking the trend."
This metropolis - the home of the Alamo and the site of an Army presence since 1845 - is a top recruiting market for every branch of the military.

Sentence three helps defend the thesis. Sure, the guys at the Alamo lost horribly, and the building is more famous today for being peed on by Ozzy and housing Pee Wee's bike. And 1845 was a long time ago, even though our military's had a presence in other cities far longer with mixed results (New York [9/11], Washington [burned], New Orleans [The Saints' playoff record]). But this article will show that San Antonio symbolizes something different, right?
Nationwide, every one of the Army's 41 recruiting battalions failed to meet its recruiting goal in the fiscal year ended Sept. 30, falling 7,000 soldiers short of the goal needed to refill the ranks, according to Army figures. Not since 1979 has the Army missed its annual quota by so many recruits. And yet San Antonio's recruiters, covering the city of 1.2 million people as well as the area stretching north to Austin and south to the Mexican border, ranked first among battalions by signing up 2,118 people for active duty [. . .]

Nationwide, that's pretty depressing. Good thing the people of S.A. are going above and beyond their quota . . .
[. . .] 86 percent of its goal. Only Oklahoma City, which followed with 78 percent, and St. Louis, with 72 percent, came close, according to the Army figures.

ARGH. So the entire article proudly states that San Antonio has failed to meet its recruitment quota, just like every other area in the country. If it were a spelling test it'd be different: 86 percent would put you on the merit roll and you might get a sticker. But when meeting a recruitment goal you have to get 100 percent because it's the least you should do. Say you took that spelling test, knowing the passing grade was a 65, and you scored a 56. Do the math; that's what happened here. Now consider that everyone else failed the test. On Conference Day, your teacher cheerily passes around your sorry test grade to each parent and says "You know, Antonio's a successful student. Your child should be more like him." Who should be smacked with a ruler first: you, for failing the test; the rest of the class, for also failing the test; or the teacher, who has lost all concepts of reality and ignores the serious problems coming to a head in that classroom?

The Times isn't teaching us anything here. Instead of reminding its readers of a dire military situation--which they've probably reported on before--it's couched in a front-page fluff piece that de-educates while using the voices of a few to drown out hard statistics. Here are some anecdotal quotes from the article:
"People always say, 'How can you be doing so good when we're at war? . . . Here the war boosts morale." --Sgt. First Class Jaime Gaitan

"We're strong like that," said Jonathan Garcia, 16

To Gaitan's credit, his battalion exceeded it's quota for August. And it was the only one. To Garcia's credit, he's 16 and not old enough to fight, vote, or speak for those who can do either.
On a recent Friday night at a Lutheran church in one of the city's wealthier neighborhoods, several mothers and a father gathered. . . . They are united in support of the men and women in uniform, even though they do not all agree on the merits of the war. Political talk is banned at their meetings.

War isn't political? Then what are they talking about? Why are they being interviewed in the first place? The article doesn't even say if those parents have children in the military or not. Judging by the amount of text discussing high recruitment in poor neighborhoods, and the need qualify that we're now hearing from a completely different group of "wealthy" people, the answer may well be a "Pffft."

Let's also examine a lack of numbers in the main text:
Census figures also show that there are more veterans here than in other American cities of San Antonio's size, including Dallas and San Diego.

How much more? Is there a major difference? How many other cities: Dallas, San Diego, and 2, 3, 20 more places?
San Antonio's schools are filled with men and women who served in uniform for 20 years or more. . . [Seventy] percent of the 280-member faculty [of Judson High School] served in the military, have family members who served, or also work in jobs connected to local bases.

Define "filled." Are they administrators, teachers, janitors? It's hard to believe that administrators and teachers have time to work for local bases in addition to full-time jobs at school. Seventy percent active participation in national defense sounds sketchy. Who doesn't have a least one family member in the military, anyway?
[C]omfort with the military is clearly evident. Since October last year, at least 25 former Judson students have enlisted in the Army, according to recruiting officials, making it one of the military's most productive schools.

How many students go to Judson High School? How big is a graduating class? How many different graduating classes does the sample come from? What if each graduating class has 300 students, and classes '01 to '05 are included in the sample, meaning that 1.67 percent of each graduating class has just enlisted? How can we tell if that's productive? And if we know that "at least" 25 students have enlisted but an exact count isn't known, how is the evidence "clearly evident?"

Oh, wait. The student body of Judson is later stated as having over 3500 students. It's a high school, so that means four different grades with an average graduating class of around 875. If we take classes '01 to '05, that's 4375 people. Divide by "at least" 25, and that's one student out of 175. Zero point five seven percent. My own graduating class had 130 people and more than one entered the military; where's our medal? Perhaps all the enlistees came from the class of 2005 (2.86 percent); that's decent, but shameful next to that 70 percent faculty comment the author trots out. Then again, maybe students from the 1990s also signed up. In any case it's not worthy of the Page One of the Times.

This post is too long and I quit. It's a Sunday morning and I'll already done math and used an overabundance of block quotes. But for just a minute, think about the article's title--"San Antonio Proudly Lines Up Behind the Military Recruiter"--and try telling me it's not utter bullshit.

The area's had strong wind and rain storms in the past week. Two houses down from me, this happened. I'm not sure if it was bought yet, but a For Sale sign has been on this house's lawn for a couple months. The owners may have already moved away and not known this has happened.

The cat's entire weekend

An old sign we found in our basement

Official Boss Tribal Rainbow Banner, circa 1999.

Friday, September 30, 2005

The Cops Help Out

Today is Homecoming at Akron Central School. In the past few years it's become tradition to toilet-paper Bloomingdale Avenue the night before the game. I took a few pictures of the aftermath this morning.


Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Monday, September 19, 2005

Digital Archive Project :: MST3K

Master List

Mystery Science Theater 3000
has been my favorite show since I was 10. Only recently, however, did I find out there's been an organized effort to record all 11+ years of episodes. Awesome. So does anyone out there have access to a DVD burner. I have some 700 mb .avi files to convert and my hard drive is full. I'll, like, pay for everything.

I haven't posted anything in a while because I'm working overnights at a new job (it's 9:30 AM and almost time for bed) and trying to finish my Masters project. Should Masters have an apostrophe, or capitalization? It appears both ways in a lot of places. I also have some blogs on my favorite places list that I'd like to purge right here:

Google Blog Search (cool)
Post Secret (creative)
Manchester Marks (ditto)
Online Tickle Articles (disturbing)
Big Ed (keep posting!)
The Chaff (HI-larious)

Old Grandma Hardcore (?)

Here are some other dumb links:

J. E. Swearingen (goes with The Chaff)
WBNY All-Talk Mondays(including distant relative Leonard Roberto on Primary Challenge)
Newstead Historical Society (sadly on Geocities) is a must-read site.
X-Mail Hard Drive
And just because it seems quaint in hindsight. . . .

There, I feel clean. Time for bed.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Finding vs. Looting (Updated)

Yahoo! News Photo

Other Yahoo! News Photo

Somebody on FARK noted that "Black people loot. White people find." Read these AP captions from New Orleans photos and see what he means.


Also watch THIS!

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

New look for The Onion

America's Finest News Source

This is a test of Video Blogging, short for "Video Web Logging", or "Vlogging" for forward-thinking dorks. The first clip comes from Ed's trip to Germany, showing why futbol fans need police escorts. And speaking of sport, there's also a clip from the Erie County Fair. A crowd gets a pig to swim the same way I was taught. These might take a while to load up.

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Sunday, August 28, 2005

Operation Clambake

Last night we met at Joe's house to watch the Bills/Bears preseason game. Here you see the Bears prepping for the game by catching fish.

Dave turns wearing T-shirts into an artform.

We played poker for money with minors.

...and we lost. Joe left the table early.

If you think preseason football is awesome, try watching it while you read! It'll blow your mind.