Wednesday, September 29, 2004

MLB to Move Expos to Washington

Yahoo! News

At a seminar on colonial American history today we discussed how all-male groups such as the Freemasons and the Tuesday Club may or may not have made America more . . . American before the Revolution. So after one student made a comment about the era, our female professor--who has much expertise in that field--found no qualms in responding, "I've done some work inside these gentleman's clubs in the 18th century, and . . . ."

Matchbox Twenty Finally Finishes Watering Down Long-Awaited New Album

The Onion

A conversation from the Adult Swim message boards:

did you ever think about no

Sorry, I don't comprehend your sentence fragment and nonsensical sentence structure.

good one

They just felt like it. Why does they need to be an explanation?

Wow, your grammar is worse than the first guy's. I asked for any possible explanation because I know that there has to be one.

How are so sure that there is no reason?? Do you work on the show??

reasons have no reasons for reasons

My point is: is it really that big of a deal?

I'm not asking for a reason of a reason. I am asking for the reason of an action.

First of all, get to the point more quickly instead of beating around the bush. Secondly, it is important, it wouldn't have been done for no reason. I want to know what the reason is or what people think it is.

Sunday, September 26, 2004


Learn more!

The days of the old promissory note have apparently disappeared. I remember signing my first college loan papers in 1998, back before blogs, Napster, or emo. Now the papers are done online, take ten minutes, and are submitted to you school within 24 hours. I stood in line to find that out the other day, stood in line for an hour and read an entire newspaper for them to say I could have done it all at home. Man I'm old. Then I bought another $100 worth of books that were "recommended" for a class of mine, but are actually "required." I spent ten hours reading one of them today. Time for another one, gots ta goo.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

We Can't Get Any More Retarded Webboard: Best Sandwiches

For the first time in my academic life--and I started pre-school twenty years ago--I'm actually trying at school. Sure, I've tried from time to time. You know, right before deadlines and such. But now I really have to work at being a good student and it's blowing my mind. I still have to get the kinks worked out, like, how do you remember something for more than a week? Or my biggest problem: how do you participate in class? I wanted to kick myself the other day when I spent three hours in a class where I didn't say ANYTHING. Not that I haven't done that before, but now that I'm TRYING, I disappointed myself. In my class yesterday, the professor called on me because he thought I raised my hand. I hadn't, so I simply repeated the last word he said but inflected it so it sounded like a question, as in: "Could you clarify how you define this word in the context of this theme?" It was a close save, but I was embarassed for myself yet again. Later I find out he actually counted that as "participation." That's insane. School's insane. It's 3:15 AM and I'm insane. Let's try sleeping one more time!

Sunday, September 19, 2004

After going through several computers I've compiled a folder of old picture files that for some reason I don't have the guts to erase. Like this one, of Eddie Van Halen. He rocks.

I made this for a friend in the Czech Republic. Twenty "korun" is worth, I think, 80 cents.

What the winner of "Survivor" should get.

Only cool people smoke.

I always thought this poster would look great in a high school English class.

The infamous $200 bills passed in a grocery store down south.

Group picture from Nazareth Farm, Salem, West Virginia, 2000. It was a big year for doo-rags.

I actually watched this channel for a whole hour yesterday . . . and this is much closer to the truth than I thought.

But this is even closer to the truth.

F****** S***

If you know this person, can you tell me how she got on my family's computer?

NYC Chinatown, January 2002.


Seriously, who is this woman?

I didn't go in, but I hear they have Big Salads.

A Reservist?

I'll see you in ten minutes.

There's a light at the end of our tunnel in Iraq, and George W. Bush will find it.

Preaching the U2 Catalog

U2 Sermons

The other day I went to Radio Shack to buy a doohickey. Radio Shack is not a nice place to hang out. It is, by all accounts, a shack. You couldn't fit a Subway store in one of those places. Also, it seems like there are only eight things in each store. There's a phone, a radio-controlled car, a cheap keyboard, then five different kinds of adapters. Not a place to browse by any means. So while I was looking for one of those five adapters (for my cheap keyboard, coincidentally) and old man, wife in tow, started grilling the clerk.

I would retype what the guy said but I can only remember disjointed phrases. From the little I could understand, he was complaining about something he bought a long time ago (twenty years, maybe?), looking for batteries for another item he bought last week, complaining that the thing he bought last week drained batteries too quickly, refusing to come into the store ever again, and asking questions to a guy he expected would not know the answers. The man also didn't believe in sentences or the use of specific nouns. After ten minutes of some hilarious, undirected whining, he waddled out (wife still in tow).

Several times the man asked for some sort of adapter for that thing he bought twenty years ago:

Man: "Aw! It was a red thing, in a plastic case, with a wire. It used to cost $3.50!"

Clerk: "We don't sell those anymore."

Man: "I betchya DOO!"

From now on, "I betchya DOO!" will be my catch phrase. Say it somewhat nasally. When you emphasize "DOO!" hold it, starting with a higher-pitched OO going quickly to a medium register. Pretend the OO is going down the first section of a rollercoaster. Fun? Sure is! Think it'll catch on? I betchya DOO!

Thursday, September 16, 2004


I was about to write about how much I like hot dogs. (I ate six of them for dinner tonight.) (Okay, seven. I lied.) I was also going to write about a book I had just read. But you know what? Then I saw this guy's blog and suddenly I thought I should forget it. I mean, I read a book and ate hot dogs today. Who gives a crap?

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Batman 'Dumped by Fed-Up Girlfriend'

I had been watching TV for about an hour, quite relaxed. I had also eathen a good lunch and was, well, digesting as well. So the blood in my body had pretty much left my upper body and gone to my, well, guts and intestines. When I got up to use the bathroom it started getting very, very hot. Then very, very fuzzy, and things started spinning. I think I put my hands on the sink but my hands were too numb to tell. The whole thing ended right after, but what scares me is that I was ten seconds away from blacking out on the toilet! Now THAT would have been worthy of a BLOG.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Ode to Dave

I went to check my mail, and what did I see but a letter from Dave Hill, addressed to me!

At first glance I didn't understand, but then I read about his Master Plan.

Inside, a comedic Holy Grail. Thank you, Dave, for that f***ed up mail!

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Killer Blog(ggggg)

Local celebrities

I have to give this page some props today because it featured my bad self yesterday. No other news to report as I spent the entire day waiting for the Bills to lose in the last four seconds and reading for class. Today was my first real weekend in years. That I could watch the Bills game was bittersweet enough, but waiting for my first chance to watch a "new" Simpsons episode, they pre-empted half of it so a bunch of retired players could babble about the scores we'd already seen several highlight reels of. Before this little break is over I'd like to remind everyone to vote this upcoming November, wish them a season with better running games, and warn them that a Sunday night without Adult Swim isn't worth having.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Here are some random pictures I've taken in the past day. I reorganized my room today, including the removal of this carpet sampler. I used this as postmodernist art but after a year it's going back out on the curb where I found it.

Buffalo's Market Arcade. Joe just found out they have a Fera's Subs in here.

We went to a Buffalo Bills rally downtown, which sucked. We did see some interesting people. There are some Buffalo Jills on your left, some fuzzy girl playing the cowbell in the middle (she was too exuberent for my flash, apparently), and the famous Bisons guy to the right. He sells M&Ms on the subway and sits right behind home base at every Bisons game. Buffalo's answer to Wesley Willis, he is.

TV's John Murphy

The skating rink at Fountain Plaza became the rally tent. It looks more like a rally for Ralph Nader.

So why did we go? Well, for one there was nothing else to do. But it was also because the people at 97 Rock called me (twice) about a raffle I entered for *this* thing and said I was a finalist and should show up for the drawing. I figured, why not? When we got there it was obvious they called a hundred other finalists as well. Joe said it was a waste of time, which it was, and exactly why I didn't want to go alone. :)

I'm supposed to point out the newly refurbished "Shea's" sign here.

The intricate archetecture of the Market Arcade.

An addition to the hospital in progress.

Sho' nuff. But Duff's is better.

After that debacle, I went with Joe to a fish dinner with his uncle and his grandmother, who turned 77 today. It was actually quite nice, and uncle Larry refused to let me pay. As for Joe and I, we must be getting married or something to do all this weird stuff in one day.

My redone room. There's a lot more space and a comfy red reading chair. Speaking of reading . . .

The "Media Wall" that may fall at any moment.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Dark and Stormy Night

Yahoo! News - Top Stories Photos - Reuters

It's raining men outside. The wind makes the rain hitting the pavement look like waves of mutilation. I'm just trying to find that confounded bridge! Anyway, ever notice how some music sounds better when it doesn't sound right? I was listening to some Blue "More Cowbell" Oyster Cult tonight and the CD kept skipping. Somehow it make "Dominance and Submission" a much cooler song. I remember once messing up an .mp3 of Nine Inch Nails' "Somewhat Damaged" by mistakenly merging it with a live mic picking up sounds from the dorm one floor below. That sounded pretty sweet. But a long time ago, even before Flaming Lips' "Zaireeka" album, I took two copies of Nirvana's "In Utero" and played them simultaneously on two CD players. Since players slightly differ in speed, an eerie echo began overtaking the record. By the time "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle" came on they were a full beat off, and once "Radio Friendly Unit Shifter" went to full on distortion, the sound was intensely, nihlistically rocking.

Also, yesterday I realized that I didn't like Elvis Costello unless he is playing acoustically. I don't know why. However, I also realized that "Mystery Dance" should be Joe Ferguson's theme song.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Harold and Kumar got nuthin'

A marathon weekend on S.F. Muni

Tonight was my first "real" class, as in a syllabus wasn't handed out and we didn't get to leave early. That meant I had to "participate". I don't like to "participate". I'm usually too busy listening or writing, and if I do come up with some intelligent remark on the fly (if you've seen me drive, it's the same type of delay) it's because the planets aren't in the right order. I'm really going to work hard this year and get those grades up, however, so I have to say something. Luckily I remembered what the Medieval Optimum was when no one else did and was able to fit in a rambling remark about the author's historiography before the class ended. I don't know how some people do it. The professor compared class participation to a potluck dinner: it doesn't matter what you bring to the table, but it's rude if you bring nothing at all. Somehow I'm always the weird aunt that adds nasty bits of pineapple in her 4th of July Jell-O.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Burger King Sucks

Today was my last day at Burger King after over five years. Part time or full time, cooking or cashiering, it sucked most every day. Today I was asked to go into the storage closet and find an old promotional sign, as they're bringing back one of the older foods. Looking through the placards was almost like seeing a photo album of all the sandwiches I made in the past half-decade. The Italian Chicken Sandwich. The Big King. The Sausage Biscuit. The "Wild Wild West" Western Whopper. The Hickory Triple Cheeseburger. The Chicken Whopper Jr. Three different kinds of Baguettes. The Rodeo Cheeseburger. The "Low-Carb" Double Whopper With Cheese And Bacon. All the memories. Oh wait, I lost most of my long-term memory ability taking those hundreds of orders a shift. I also lost the arches in my feet because of the bad work shoes, and every weekend since 1999. Every single one. And who can forget the scatterbrained teenage workers and even crazier/angrier customers? Most everybody was good about it, however. So today I clocked out and closed the door and that was it. Good luck to everyone else still there, scratching out an income while I pine away at University. No, I'm not coming back.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Tonight we saw The Donnas play a free show in North Tonawanda. The set was about 45 minutes. That kind of sucked, but then they rocked it all-out for 44 of those minutes.

There were one thousand people at the show! The crowd roared like a lion! I will comment on every show I see with a Wesley Willis reference for the rest of my life!

The band really seemed to enjoy themselves. I think it was the very first night of their new tour. Fresh.

The singer and bassist were okay. The drumming was solid. But the gee-tarist was a mix between Angus Young and Danko Jones with the stage presence of Mick Jagger. That's worth seeing again all by itself. Now I have to go look up her real name.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Bush did a good job

It's about time! Halfway through his speech tonight I was almost convinced he'd be a decent candidate for President, but then I realized that in the past four years he wasn't half as articulate or effective as the domestic plans he proposed. Zones of opportunity? Wasn't that Jack Kemp's platform in '96? And aren't we supposed to go to Mars or something? Maybe I missed that part. In any case, overall it was a great speech; at least, the best I've seen him make. Though he admitted his English isn't that good, he still should have known not to say "nucular". Oops. That was his biggest mistake tonight. He was able to mix up 9/11 and Saddam Hussein in the same sentence without being a rotten liar and slipped in a shout-out to the gay marriage amendment in a quick swipe against "activist judges". I can't agree with him or his tactics and I'm not going to vote for him, but it's still exciting to see a politican at the top of his game.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Republican Rep. Ed Schrock of Virginia announces retirement following claims he is gay

SF Gate: Multimedia (image)

Well don't that beat all. One of the most conservative members of Congress might be gay. More importantly, the one guy in Congress who has MY NAME MINUS TWO LETTERS may be a hypocrite and an adulterer. So for anyone who didn't hear his name right and somehow Googled to this blog, I AM NOT REP. ED SCHROCK OF VIRGINIA. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

You can also see where the story broke at, complete with a recording of his admission. Allegedly.

Lastly, there are many people named Ed who pretend to be straight who are in fact living a lie. It's not uncommon.