Tuesday, December 30, 2003

I'm in Nashville. This is crazy. It was a long drive. I listened to truckin' music.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Vinyl: Kiss, "Destroyer"

Christmas Poem That Sucks

It is almost Christmas
No one reads this board
This poem doesn't rhyme
Happy birthday Lord

Tomorrow we'll get presents
Unless we're really poor
Or atheist or Jewish
Or fighting in the war

Wrapping presents takes too long
It creates excess trash
They found mad cow in Washington
The cattle market will crash

I hooked up an old record player
I found a Kiss record to play
I don't know where I got it from
But Kiss sounds kind of gay

This year lots of people died
Wesley Willis, three Cashes
Joe Strummer, Senator Simon
And there were some plane crashes

I'm eating too much candy
But that's because it's free
There's no such thing as a free salad
I wonder why dat be

Soon I'll go to Ottawa
That might be exciting
Montreal, Chicago, Minneapolis, St. Paul
But now I'm just reciting

Monday, December 15, 2003


Awesome game!

In other important news, they caught Saddam Hussein the other day. It's awesome how this will finally end the war on terrorism! To celebrate, Iraqis stopped firing on American troops for a second and fired in the air instead. The bullets then fell on Americans.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

listen to Sleater-Kinney's "Dig Me Out" right now!

There will be a new FREDLINE NEWS. I'm working on it. It will be very obtuse. Meanwhile, someone explain why they developed Mini-M&M's. They were a choking hazard as it was! Gee, the executive said, I like our M&M's but I'm on a diet. Can we make them smaller? Right about then is when Dilbert slaps his forehead. Until I write the darned FN article, or they invent Intravenous Skittles, this is TS0 signing off.

Monday, December 01, 2003

CD: White Stripes, "De Stijl"

Went to the casino last night. The ID guy looks at the card, looks at me and says "Well hey! You've got the same birthday as me!" and I say "April 25? Huh!" and he lets me pass. Then my friends start talking about the weird questions that THEY were asked and it finally dawns on me: his birthday probably wasn't on April 25! Then I lost 3 of my $5 and ate at Denny's. Don't eat the Breakfast Dagwood. Le fin!