Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Trick or Treat

Daily hits to this blog doubled in the past week (to, like, four people) AND the counter passed 15,000. Special thanks goes out to that one person in Ireland who checks back on a regular basis. (You know who you are, dude! Thanks!)

Lately the topic of "what ELSE do you do on the Internet?" has come up. "A lot of nothing" is the answer. Over the past few months I've stuffed my Bookmarks with dozens of links to prove this point. I thought I'd clear it out today, so enjoy.

Johnny Cash doing an Elvis impersonation:

Take a self-guided tour of Buffalo with these handy .mp3s.

A cop busts himself for drug possession.

Some guy in Buffalo has been living in a secret underground bunker and it made international news.

Cracked put together an article called "The 7 Most Insane Moments from Cable Access TV" and you just know it's good stuff. Number 1 is a mildly retarded boy with his own cooking show. Since I can't embed it, here's another episode where he f**ks up Jell-O.

Want to learn more about Buffalo's world-famous grain elevators? Even better, want to sneak peaks inside them? Check out this link for inspiration. If you'd rather look at pictures than take your own, visit this page to see downtown Buffalo back when it had people. Why oh why did they build the Main Place Mall? This picture is in the observation deck of City Hall:

Someone took my old record and made a YTMND entry with it.

The Prelinger Archives was the free source for most of MST3K's short films. Here is an instructional film from the 1970s showing you how not to cut off your arm on the job.

My best bud/roommate got a new job as a news reporter. Naturally, it made the front page!

Whatever happened to the youngest kid on Home Improvement? What hasn't? When your life story is titled "Cheese Nuts" you know it's worth reading. Equally interesting is a long article on now-former Sabre Chris Drury.

Two chickens break up a rabbit fight!

If you're an adult (like me) who's a big fan of Harry Potter (not me) and too embarrassed to read it in public, you'll want to try these fake book covers. One G-rated example:

Miss Teen South Carolina is trying to help education in our country by creating a new foundation, Everywhere Like Such As Maps. Note the strategic insertion of a random photo enticing you to click Play.

I recently presented a superb program on medical mycology.

Finally . . .

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

Now playing: Black Kids - Listen To Your Body Tonight
via FoxyTunes

Monday, October 22, 2007

Souja Boy is Down 4 Life

Download the always uselessly non-musical intro

The biggest rap star in America is MySpace artist Soulja Boy. "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" is the #1 song in the country and holding strong. (Better click that link fast because it won't hold strong for long.) But what I really want "YOOOOOOOU" to hear is this year's coup de grace on good taste, "Booty Meat." Soulja Boy, tell 'em about it:

"Booty Meat"

Now listen to that song a second time whilst perusing the lyrics.

Yall Dis 1 Rite Hur Is For All Dem Gurlz Wit Dat Bootymeat

Girl Shake Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Shake Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat
Girl Shake Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat
Gurl Shake Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Shake Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Gurl Shake
Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat Dat Bootymeat

Gurl Shake Dat Bootymeat All Up On Me Soulja Boy
Soulja Boy up In This Thang Cum An Hang Wit Me Im Ya H Boom Coon and drink Champagne Wit Me
Take A Bubble Bath Come An Switch Lanes Wit Me Im Da #1 Stunna Let Me See What
You Got Im The Baller Round Town Let Me See How You Pop
Im Ya Gurl Best Friend Let Me See How You Hop
Put That Thang In The Air Then Make It Drop

Gurl B Double O-T-Y-M-E A T You Know It Dats Dat Bootymeat
I Got A Car Full Of Girls And We Makin A Creep
Soulja Boy Up In This Thang Puttin Shawty To Sleep
Im Ready For Wateva If You Know Wat I Mean
Come Hur Lil Shawty You Dat Bootymeat Queen
Bootymeat In My Face Even When I B Talkin
All Da Gurls Love Me And Dey Straight Up B Stalkin

Gurl Well I Guess Its My Time Im Bout To Steal Da Show Soulja Boy 2006 An You Already
Know Im Bout To Hit Da Spot And Im Ready To Go whole Bunch Of Fine Gurlz
Dey Form Head To Toe Im Ya H Boom Coon Like I Said Before
Let Me See You Turn Around Just Like A Pro Shake It For Me Shawty Till You Cant No Mo
You A Mans Bestfriend Im Just Lettin You Know

A real tour de force, don't you think? Sadly, the true innovators are oft forgotten. Lest ye forget the rap prodigies D4L, authors of the 2005 hit "Laffy Taffy." Their record went gold. The next 42,797 times you hear Soulja Boy on KISS 98.5 this week, be sure to remember his thematic forefathers.

Download "Laffy Taffy" here

Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)

Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)
Dat laffy taffy

I'm lookin fa Mrs. Bubble Gum
I'm Mr. Chik-O-Stick
I wanna (dun dun dunt) (oh)
Cuz you so thick
Gurlz call me Jolly Rancher (Oh)
Cuz I stay so hard
You can suck me for a long time
(Oh my god!)
Gurl dis ain't no dance flo'
Dis a candy sto'
And I'm really geeked up
And I got mo' dro
I pop, I roll
It's soft I know
It's da summer time
But yo laffy taffy got me froze (oh)
Gone get loose (oh)
Gone get low (oh)
don't be shy
H** I'm Faybo? (oh)
I kno' you wanna ride
You a star and it shows
(What's happening? What's up? What's up? Let's go, let's go, let's go)

Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)
Dat laffy taffy [Repeat 2x]

Cum on trick cum on trick
Here go Mr. Chocolate
I like da way you break it down
Waddle, stop you watchin me
Laffy taffy I'm likin' dis
Big ol a** you shakin b****
Close yo mouth and don't say s***
Bend on ova and hit a split
Work dat pole and work it well
Stacks on deck, yo ankles swell
Gurl let me touch ya
I will neva tell
Security gaurd don't scare nobody
Damn right I touched dat h**
All da money just hit da flo'
D4L I'm ready to go
H** can't even shake no mo
Dey tired out
Lets ride out
B**** you wanna go
Den she can go
She get in my car
I ain't playin no mo
Start movin on my Faybo
B**** she probably already kno'
Let me see dat laffy taffy
(dun dun dunt)

Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)
Dat laffy taffy [repeat 2x]

Say baby gurl
A wat you gon' do
I got a hundred 1s
I wanna pour on you
Just keep dat a** shakin
And I keep tippin' you
While I sit back like a playa
And sip dat grey goose
Feelin' all loose
Cuz gurl you on your job
You got my d*** hard
Da way you touch dem toez
Workin' dem micros
On da stilletos
You made it skeet skeet skeet
Like a water hoez (candy gurl)
Got me goin' in my pocket
Pullin' out mo' dough
Let da waitress kno' I need to order
Five hundred mo'
You besta believe lata on we headed 2 da mo'
So gone and pack dem bags
And let's mothaf***in' go
I'm waitin' on yo fine a**
At da front doe
Gurl you don kno'
Ima toss da laffy taffy
Toss it flip it and slap it
Bust a couple of nuts
And get right back at it

Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)
Dat laffy taffy [repeat 2x]

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Even Stevphen

The Daily Show unveiled its new website, where you can watch every single minute of every episode from the Jon Stewart era. This is more than wonderful. Though I'm still waiting for clips of A. Whitney Brown during the Craig Kilborn years, I'm bursting with joy. Before Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert were making Emmys and millions, they were performing together in Even Stevphen, my favorite reoccurring bit. Here are the search results below.

9/19/99: Weather

4/10/00: Elian Gonzalez

10/29/00: Halloween

1/16/01: The Clinton Years

10/14/01: Secrets

6/18/02: Death Tax

5/6/02: World's Policeman or Fireman?

8/18/02: War

6/18/07: Hate Yeast

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

80 Minutes for 17 October 2007

I recently got some recordings from the 1950s (thanks Jerry) and thought I'd pass along a few favorites. Most of these are rockabilly hits but I threw some R&B in for good measure. Several of these songs have been made more popular done by other artists (CCR doing Susie-Q, for example) while several others are covers themselves (Stranded in the Jungle was recorded a year before, and Stagger Lee is based on countless versions dating back more than a century). The rest are simply classic, or close. Rocket 88 is supposedly the first ever "Rock & Roll" song. I included Freddy Cannon twice because he's hardcore. Everything is here in this one file or you can download them individually:

Big Bopper - Chantilly Lace.mp3
Big Mama Thornton - Hound Dog.mp3
Billy Lee Riley - Red Hot.mp3
Bo Diddley - I'm a Man.mp3
Cadets - Stranded in the Jungle.mp3
Carl Perkins - Honey, Don't!.mp3
Dale Hawkins - Susie-Q.mp3
Duane Eddy - Rebel-'Rouser.mp3
Eddie Cochran - C'mon Everybody.mp3
Fats Domino - Blueberry Hill.mp3
Freddy Cannon - Buzz Buss A-Diddle-It.mp3
Freddy Cannon - Tallahassee Lassie.mp3
Irma Thomas - Time Is on My Side.mp3
Isley Brothers - Shout, Pts. 1 & 2.mp3
Ivan - Real Wild Child.mp3
Jackie Brenston & His Delta Cats - Rocket '88'.mp3
Joe Bennett & The Sparkletones - Black Slacks.mp3
John Lee Hooker - Boom Boom.mp3
Johnny Otis Show - Willie and the Hand Jive.mp3
Little Richard - Rip It Up.mp3
Lloyd Price - Stagger Lee.mp3
Ramrods - (Ghost) Riders in the Sky.mp3
Ray Charles - What'd I Say, Pts. 1 - 2.mp3
Robins - Smokey Joe's Cafe.mp3
Ronnie Self - Bop-a-Lena.mp3
Screamin' Jay Hawkins - I Put a Spell on You.mp3
Shadows - Apache.mp3
Vibrations - My Girl Sloopy.mp3
Wanda Jackson - Fujiyama Mama.mp3

Monday, October 15, 2007

Architecture In Helsinki in Buffalo

There were a lot of reasons I didn't want to go to the Tralf for this show. Nobody wanted to go with me: "Oh," they'd all say, "my one friend is really into that band." And that friend would live in, say, New Hampshire. Also, the night before I woke up on the bathroom floor of my apartment. I'm not sure how I got there, especially since I don't do drugs or alcohol, but I guess I should be taking it easy on myself. Still, I bought my ticket weeks ago and went anyway.

And it was good! YOU should have gone. They played all their hits, or the hits they would have if their songs were well-known. Having six band members also allows for more percussion, dancing, and sing-a-long vocal harmonies. While the performance was tight, their demeanor was very, very loose. Here is AiH creating an impromptu beard-growing contest out of random audience members. The winner requested a previously unperformed song.

Here's the encore, Heart It Races.

Music Videos:

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Tim's Birthday

Mr. SchROCK himself dropped by for his own birthday party. So did Madd Dogg and a host of other guest stars. Here's Tim getting his free cake at Dave & Buster's:

And here's Madd Dogg revealing the origins of Ms. Pac-Man. Like Justin Timberlake, he's a talented singer and dancer.

You Can Deny The Holocaust All You Want, But You Can't Deny That There's Something Between Us

When a certain duplicitous Idaho senator was discovered not doing something in an airport bathroom, yeah, it was funny. Then the Hatfield to President Bush's McCoy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, performed to a packed house in NYC and said some pretty interesting things about Jews and homosexuals in a place with the world's greatest concentration of Jews and homosexuals. It created a perfect storm of comic fodder (or disappointment).

The New Yorker cover is one example. You should also watch the Digital Short "I Ran" from Saturday Night Live. They kept pulling this video off of YouTube so view it while you can. You might as well laugh about it before the bombing starts.

As for posts, more to come shortly.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

To Hell With Good Intentions

Missing Mclusky

In middle school we attended an assembly on brain and spinal cord injuries. The whole affair was pretty serious. They even had victims of various accidents give accounts of their ordeals. One boy with some pretty severe brain damage talked very slowly about how "I used to be just like you. I was a straight-A student . . ." et cetera. Then the phrase, " . . . I worked at McDonalds. . . ."

I snickered. The McDonald's commercial! In a room of one thousand students, I was the only one to make a noise. I tried to stop--I really did!--but I couldn't hold it in. Hunched over in my seat, I put my hands in my mouth and bit as hard as possible. I could hear people commenting about how rude I was but I just couldn't help it. They don't let you leave assemblies. What could I do? I began crying from the laughing and the shame and the tooth marks.

Saturday, October 06, 2007


The Donnas played the Tralf tonight. It rocked and you missed it. Brett Anderson is a much better frontman than you hear on the albums. She kept the audience going between songs and made eye contact with everyone in the room. Guitarist Allison Robertson has amazing chops. For the encore they played Ratt's Round and Round and it actually sounded good.

Lo and behold, tonight's "With Special Guests" included Donita Sparks, formerly of L7. She's the person famous for doing that thing with that thing at that show. I expected something fast and frightening but it wasn't anything spectacular.