CD: The Presidents Of The United States Of America, "The Presidents Of The United States Of America"

Yesterday there was an ammonia leak at the Perry's Ice Cream plant about six doors down, at about 1 in the morning. The air was acidicly pungent: the ammonia got in your eyes, nose and mouth. It was odd because I was taking out the garbage at the time, so I thought it was that, and then I realized that my nose was burning from the inside, and there were cops and firemen all over the street. Within about 30 minutes we were asked to evacuate. "Evacuate" is the key word here, so my mother slept through the whole thing and my brother just kind of sat around. My sister went to visit a friend in Buffalo. My father tried turning all the lights off so the cops wouldn't come over, but when he found out they needed to pick up citizens with school buses he got all excited and volunteered to drive.

I was just about to go to bed, and though I wasn't worried about it I figured I'd check out the scene. Everyone without a place to go was asked to relocate to the town fire hall, so I drove up there. There were about 100-120 people there, mostly young families and really, really old people. It seems like fire halls are havens for senior citizens, what with the bingo display and the stacks of "Forever Young" magazine hanging around. I grabbed me a mag and enjoyed a nice cup of water. They broke out the coffee, pretzels and potato chips, and eventually the cold cuts and bread, but I just came for the atmosphere. Televisions were playing Conan O'Brien, with periodic crawls about us that didn't really tell us anything except that "no injuries have been reported." It was pretty boring.

The Channel 2 news truck was there, however. I don't think the reporter found much to talk about, but I could see him going for the Old Person interview, looking for the oldest, most haggard-looking people he could find. Shortly afterward we were told the police would let us back home. I stayed five more minutes to watch the local news; a young family also stayed because, of course, the dad knew they were going to broadcast live and he wanted to walk past the camera ON AIR! Whee!

So did I. Once the guy's report started I walked out the door, right behind the interview. Wouldn't you know, but waiting outside in an idle bus was my father, waiting to give people a ride.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I just got on TV."

"Could you tell the people inside that a bus is waiting for them?"

I did, but only the young couple got on. Everyone had pretty much left except some really old people who had nothing better to do. This morning the power went out, meaning there's more trouble at the plant, but it's an ice cream plant, not a nuclear reactor, and there isn't much to worry about. So anyway, that was my evening.


Man: "Did you see me?! Did you see me walk by?!"
Wife: "I did! You were on the TV screen!"
Man: "Ha ha!"