CD: my CD of MP3s (current song: Ani DiFranco "In or Out (live)"

Why Fred? I still don't understand why my parents thought it was the 1979 thing to do to name me Fred, not Jimmy or Ayatollah or Fonz or whatever name was actually popular back then. Fred is a family name from my mother's side; I have a deceased great-grandfather and an uncle with that name. Nevertheless, it would be nice to know other Fred People. I meet maybe one every other year, not that I'm looking hard. Usually they're wearing nametags, like mechanics or delivery men. I'm not so good with my hands, but I play some piano. Hmm, Frederic Chopin played piano. But still! I would have never met him. And my parents, who listen to things like Ringo Starr's solo work and that "Courtesy of the Red White and Blue" song weren't exactly thinking along the lines of anything French. Ugh, the French.

I'm not staying on point. The point is--and I do have one--Fred is a horrible name for the new millenium. It has actually became more popular in the last decade, up to about 400th on the Most Popular Boys' Names list. 400th! My brother's name, Tim, is in the 20s, while my sister, Hannah, is nearing the top 10. To use webspeak, WTF? I was gipped. I could have been a Carl or a Tom or William, or something whacked-out-but-cool like Dakota, Dolemite or Velvet, but NO. Name me after some average Canadian guy from 1868. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.

No I won't. Freds don't cry. Unless they drop a hammer on their foot.