Sunday, May 01, 2005

The 28 April issue of Artvoice has a horrible poem on page 13. Let me copy it for you without written consent of the author:

"Live From Baghdad"

Ten days before Christmas
In line at the post
office, I choose the Breast
Cancer Stamps that cost $8
instead of the usual $6.40.
A famous poet is standing
off to the side
waiting for someone
I try to catch
some of his vibes.
Throughout the day, I notice
friends slipping away
instead of converging
for the holiday. An ellipsis
appears where a tree
and a roast turkey should
be. At college, students are
anxiously clutching
at deadlines.
Heading home,
the darkness of the 6:00 sky
turns me into a 5-year-old,
outside, alone, lost.
Morning has moved
so far away.
At 7:30 I decided:
skirt today and lipstick,
amethyst smoke.
At 7:30 the President decided:
launch the air attack
on Saddam Hussein.

--irene simon sipos

Come on, Irene. You have a lousy, boring life, and your poetry is even worse. Coming from a guy who blogs about Subway sandwiches and Natalie Imbruglia, you should be ashamed. When I read this poem, this is what went through my mind:

"Look At My New Poem"

On December 15th
I bought stamps. I'm
telling you this because
I bought the expensive ones
and charity is worthless unless
someone sees you doing it.
Anyway, I saw someone talented,
unlike myself. I
really wish I had
some talent! Not even
my so-called friends
will talk to me anymore, not even
to wish me Merry Christmas.
I wish I
could be in college again.
I had friends then.
It got dark and I
felt even more alone, which is
technically impossible.
That's when I decided
looking like a whore
would get me attention.
But saying "Bush sucks"
would get me published.

--tom servo zero


Anonymous said...

Hilarious. Just for reference, though, the impending holiday would have been Easter, not Christmas.

Joe said...

I bet if you submit that to Artvoice they'll publish it and not even notice that you were making fun of them.