CD: Cucumber + Ginseng, "El Presidente 2: Thology"

So Jeff and I were discussing the show "Inside the Actors Studio" and the part at the end where they ask the actor those Bernard Pivot Questionnaire. The last question is always: "If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?" I misread it and though it was "What would YOU say when..." But we both agreed that the least inspired answers came with this question. Always something cheesy and humorless. So he brainstormed the real question while I took the dead guy's point of view... Here's some of what I came up with.

Q. If Heaven exists, what would you say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

"This is already better than the 'Taxes'."

"You mean I'm never going to see my wife again?"

"I seek the Grail."

"Hey! You're just James Earl Jones behind a curtain!"

"Will I have to live next to Italians?"

"Hell yeah, I'm in! Rock on! (makes devil horns with hand)"

"So the Jehovah's Witnesses knock on your door too, huh?"

"What's the meaning of li... oh, now I remember. Never mind."

"It smells like couscous up here."

"So you tell us to build our faith on a foundation of solid rock, but then you built the Kingdom of Heaven on this CLOUD?"

"Now look, sir. I may be just po' country folk, but I know that back in Kansas we got long hard days on the dirt farm, bland food, and boring children. But we're a community, gall-dungit. A good one, with good people. And no, God, it don't matter how much influence you may have got o'er the universe, or what power you have o'er life and death, or what any of your fancy "Commandments" say, you're not going to take a God-faring American man and his family from the farm they've worked for four generations to save and move them away to some 'Heaven' place just like that! Not today, not ever!"


So yeah, we were really bored tonight.