Thursday, June 20, 2002

Album: Soundtrack, Blues Brothers 2000

Day two and I already have writer's block.

I have tried in several other occations to write in a conventional diary. I have also attemped a poetry book which is still stagnantly awaiting a Page 5, and just the thought of what horrible wordplay I may have used in it two years ago makes me cringe. The basic idea, however, hasn't died yet. It would be nice to have SOME record of myself, even if reasons for it are few or trite. The only successes I've had in this department are for interpersonal communication, not personal introspection. For example, I save all personal IMs and E-mails. Do I look at them all later? No, and I do not share them with anyone outside of the person I originally communicate with. And I've tried my hand at photography, which is okay, but the sole purpose of that is to eventually show the pictures to somebody else. Apparently, just filling a journal with my thoughts and feelings is worthless to me. Is it because I measure their importance with a comparative societal scale? Anyway, all I know is that there is a Chance that someone will read this, and that is good enough for my efforts. Oftentimes when I am having an IM or E-mail conversation I am thinking to myself whether I will be ashamed of what I say if I read it again years from now. I especially wonder how other people will characterize me if they read "this" in the future. Someone is always watching me, even if it is only me. Better to keep my mouth shut, then.

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