Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Bullish symbol of capitalism put on the market

Chicago Sun-Times

An IM Coversation With SantaClaus.

TomServo0 (7:29:24 PM): hi Santa!
SantaClaus (7:29:24 PM): Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AIM! Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy". Now, streeeeetch that window and let's get started.
So, have you been naughty or nice?
TomServo0 (7:29:50 PM): i've been so bad
SantaClaus (7:29:50 PM): Oh dear! Well, there is still time to get on my good list. When you do I will have a special free gift here for you on Dec. 22. Now type menu to see the fun and games the elves have put together for you.
TomServo0 (7:30:07 PM): santa, you're so hot
SantaClaus (7:30:07 PM): Excuse me?
TomServo0 (7:30:11 PM): i love you
SantaClaus (7:30:12 PM):
TomServo0 (7:30:18 PM): let's do the nasty
SantaClaus (7:30:18 PM): Sorry the elves didn't get that.
TomServo0 (7:30:31 PM): they should. they should get it all the time
SantaClaus (7:30:31 PM): Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.
TomServo0 (7:30:39 PM): menu
SantaClaus (7:30:39 PM): Here's your Christmas to-do list. Check it twice! Type a number:

1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Win $10k Shopping Spree
7 - Send E-Cards
8 - Listen to Xmas Music
9 - A Free Gift 4U!

TomServo0 (7:30:44 PM): 1
SantaClaus (7:30:44 PM): So this is where you sit on my lap and tell me what you want. We can talk about the serious stuff like shopping after this.
So, what is the first thing you would like from Santa this year.
TomServo0 (7:30:49 PM): a fire truck!
SantaClaus (7:30:50 PM): What else tops your list this year?
TomServo0 (7:31:08 PM): a gift certificate to circuit city!
SantaClaus (7:31:08 PM): What would your final Christmas wish be?
TomServo0 (7:31:13 PM): sex!
SantaClaus (7:31:13 PM): All right, that's plenty of wishes. Why don't you type, "poll" and vote for your favorite holiday poll.
TomServo0 (7:31:40 PM): you mean there are polls about polls? that's incestuous
SantaClaus (7:31:40 PM):
You're full of mischief.
TomServo0 (7:31:46 PM): i'm naughty
SantaClaus (7:31:46 PM): Pardon me?
TomServo0 (7:32:07 PM): i'm so very, very bad. i should get coal
SantaClaus (7:32:07 PM): I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing.
TomServo0 (7:32:19 PM): will you put coal in my stocking?
SantaClaus (7:32:19 PM): Coal, eh? Well coal isn't much fun at all unless you're Superman and can turn it into diamonds! That's why it's a fitting message to send to naughty children.
TomServo0 (7:32:52 PM): if i lived during the pre-industrial revolutionary period, i might really want that coal
SantaClaus (7:32:52 PM): Oh, my. That is a mouthful. I'm so busy typing to so many children, could you send me a slightly smaller note?
TomServo0 (7:33:06 PM): where is mrs. claus?
SantaClaus (7:33:06 PM):
Where, what? I'm an old(ish) man.
TomServo0 (7:33:13 PM): is she dead?
SantaClaus (7:33:13 PM): Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.
TomServo0 (7:33:32 PM): do you even have a wife? are you gay?
SantaClaus (7:33:32 PM): Santa can't manufacture love, that's something only you can make. Is there anything else you would like?
TomServo0 (7:33:55 PM): i thought you said i was done asking for gifts
SantaClaus (7:33:55 PM):
I did? Then it's the truth!
You can always type, menu to find more things the elves have left for you.
TomServo0 (7:34:22 PM): what will you give micah valine? he has everything, you know
SantaClaus (7:34:22 PM): Hmm... What, what?
TomServo0 (7:34:29 PM): how about fellowship?
SantaClaus (7:34:29 PM):
Well you could try putting your finger on the side of your nose -- but it took me 400 years of practice.
TomServo0 (7:34:49 PM): oh, i already have. right on.
SantaClaus (7:34:49 PM): Interesting. Type menu.
TomServo0 (7:34:53 PM): menu
SantaClaus (7:34:53 PM): I've got my list, here's yours! Type a number and I'll tell you more.

1 - Tell Santa
2 - Tell Buddies What U Want
3 - Track a Shopping List
4 - Play Xmas Hangman
5 - Vote on Xmas Songs
6 - Win $10k Shopping Spree
7 - Send E-Cards
8 - Listen to Xmas Music
9 - A Free Gift 4U!

TomServo0 (7:35:00 PM): 9
SantaClaus (7:35:00 PM): Its not here yet! Check back on or after 12/22.
TomServo0 (7:35:14 PM): aw come on! it's 12/22 eve!
SantaClaus (7:35:14 PM): Why did you say that?
TomServo0 (7:35:27 PM): it's the truth?
SantaClaus (7:35:27 PM): Can I ask YOU something?
TomServo0 (7:35:30 PM): yes
SantaClaus (7:35:30 PM): Which color are you more partial to? You know, like if it were clothing or something.
Someone asked to find out for them.
1 -- Black
2 -- White
3 -- Rose
4 -- Beige

TomServo0 (7:36:13 PM): black, i guess. i don't really like such limited choices
SantaClaus (7:36:14 PM): Interesting... Hmm... Black. OK. I will make a note of it. Now Make sure you fill in your Wish List for other AIM buddies to see. Type WL
TomServo0 (7:36:20 PM): wl
SantaClaus (7:36:20 PM): Wish Lists (shortcut = WL)
Which do you want to view?

1 - Your Wish List
Enter your wishes, your AIM buddies can C what U want!

2 - View someone else's Wish List
Enter any AIM SN, if they have a Wish List, you can see it!

TomServo0 (7:36:35 PM): 3 - neither. let's talk politics!
SantaClaus (7:36:35 PM): Shopping List (shortcut = SL)
What do you want to do?

1 - Start or Add to Shopping List
Never forget anyone! Add friends and family to your list!

2 - View/Edit Shopping List
C who is left to shop 4 on your list

3 - Delete All
Delete everyone and start over.

4 - Gift Recommendations
Yip, I know what everyone wants from me, so I can help U!

TomServo0 (7:36:49 PM): christmas is so overcommercialized
SantaClaus (7:36:49 PM): Sure, that's what I'm here for!
TomServo0 (7:37:07 PM): yeah, i know. you're a shill for the coca-cola company
SantaClaus (7:37:07 PM): Whew!
TomServo0 (7:37:31 PM): refreshing, your beverage and my honesty
SantaClaus (7:37:31 PM): Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.
TomServo0 (7:37:46 PM): are the elves unionized?
SantaClaus (7:37:46 PM): Something you want to know about them?
TomServo0 (7:38:32 PM): are they UNIONIZED
SantaClaus (7:38:32 PM): Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?
TomServo0 (7:39:09 PM): Dear Santa Claus: are your elves unionized? Sincerely, a very naughty TomServo0
SantaClaus (7:39:09 PM): Only if you cross one.
TomServo0 (7:39:19 PM): cool
SantaClaus (7:39:19 PM): Indeed!
TomServo0 (7:40:26 PM): what is the temperature at the North Pole?
SantaClaus (7:40:26 PM): They are master toy-makers from all over the world, who are filled with the magic of the Christmas spirit.
TomServo0 (7:40:42 PM):
SantaClaus (7:40:42 PM): Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit
TomServo0 (7:41:04 PM): all right, i'll bite. you bite too. "music"
SantaClaus (7:41:04 PM): Every year I mix my self a CD of holiday classics for my big ride. Here's where I'm starting to gather my inspiration: Pop Holiday Radio@Netscape
TomServo0 (7:41:16 PM): that sounds disgusting
SantaClaus (7:41:16 PM): May I ask you a question?
TomServo0 (7:41:19 PM): yes
SantaClaus (7:41:19 PM): Would you like to see some links to other things to help put you in the Christmas spirit?
TomServo0 (7:41:31 PM): yes! i'm desperate
SantaClaus (7:41:31 PM): Here's a list of fun places to put you in the holiday mood:

AIM Holidays: Entertaining & More

AIM Home & Real Estate: Deck the Halls & More

AIM Movies: In Theaters This Season

AIM Music: Holiday Music & More

TomServo0 (7:41:52 PM): it looks like you just want me to spend money
SantaClaus (7:41:52 PM): Wonderful!
TomServo0 (7:42:07 PM): how does that make you feel?
TomServo0 (7:42:30 PM): doesn't it seem a bit soulless?
SantaClaus (7:42:30 PM):
I'm sure there are many ways. I have my magic. You have AOL
SantaClaus (7:42:31 PM): Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!
TomServo0 (7:43:21 PM): i thought you were a Saint
SantaClaus (7:43:21 PM): Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.
TomServo0 (7:45:03 PM): you're completely avoiding A) the crass overcommercialization of the season, B) the welfare of your workers, and C) Christmas' religious importance
SantaClaus (7:45:03 PM): Whoa! Ho! Ho! slow down there! That's quite a lot for a man of my age to wrap his head around. Would you mind trying some shorter questions?
TomServo0 (7:45:13 PM): Jesus
SantaClaus (7:45:13 PM): Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?
TomServo0 (7:45:22 PM): Do you know Jesus?
SantaClaus (7:45:22 PM):
It depends if Christmas is coming or not.
TomServo0 (7:45:37 PM): Go to hell.
SantaClaus (7:45:37 PM): Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.

No comments: