ePhone

I leave the worst phone messages. Isn't talking to a machine defeating the very reason phones were invented anyway? That and having to wait for a return call when you expected an instant reply can make messages more nerve-wracking than actual calls.

Anyway, the other day I signed up for a free trial at GotVoice.com. Now (and for the next 14 days) the service will convert my messages to .mp3s and E-mail them to me. The convenience! This also allowed me to download some messages I've been saving. Here's one from last summer: my roommate slept through his alarm and didn't show up for work. His job called his mother, and his mother, fearing he'd been murdered in his new apartment in Buffalo, called me.

Finally, an oldie but a goodie. A friend of my brother's once called and forgot to hang up after leaving a message. Ten years later he's a born-again Christian but the recording lives on. This takes forever to load, but turn it up and check it out.

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My other messages are either too private or--you know who you are--were drunk and called me 24 times one night so now they're deleted. To fill the space, here's David Lee Roth's cartoonish singing without Van Halen's help, and then the new video by the Melvins. If you can figure out what the hell that video is about please let me know.