We Can't Get Any More Retarded

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For the first time in my academic life--and I started pre-school twenty years ago--I'm actually trying at school. Sure, I've tried from time to time. You know, right before deadlines and such. But now I really have to work at being a good student and it's blowing my mind. I still have to get the kinks worked out, like, how do you remember something for more than a week? Or my biggest problem: how do you participate in class? I wanted to kick myself the other day when I spent three hours in a class where I didn't say ANYTHING. Not that I haven't done that before, but now that I'm TRYING, I disappointed myself. In my class yesterday, the professor called on me because he thought I raised my hand. I hadn't, so I simply repeated the last word he said but inflected it so it sounded like a question, as in: "Could you clarify how you define this word in the context of this theme?" It was a close save, but I was embarassed for myself yet again. Later I find out he actually counted that as "participation." That's insane. School's insane. It's 3:15 AM and I'm insane. Let's try sleeping one more time!