Preaching the U2 Catalog

U2 Sermons

The other day I went to Radio Shack to buy a doohickey. Radio Shack is not a nice place to hang out. It is, by all accounts, a shack. You couldn't fit a Subway store in one of those places. Also, it seems like there are only eight things in each store. There's a phone, a radio-controlled car, a cheap keyboard, then five different kinds of adapters. Not a place to browse by any means. So while I was looking for one of those five adapters (for my cheap keyboard, coincidentally) and old man, wife in tow, started grilling the clerk.

I would retype what the guy said but I can only remember disjointed phrases. From the little I could understand, he was complaining about something he bought a long time ago (twenty years, maybe?), looking for batteries for another item he bought last week, complaining that the thing he bought last week drained batteries too quickly, refusing to come into the store ever again, and asking questions to a guy he expected would not know the answers. The man also didn't believe in sentences or the use of specific nouns. After ten minutes of some hilarious, undirected whining, he waddled out (wife still in tow).

Several times the man asked for some sort of adapter for that thing he bought twenty years ago:

Man: "Aw! It was a red thing, in a plastic case, with a wire. It used to cost $3.50!"

Clerk: "We don't sell those anymore."

Man: "I betchya DOO!"

From now on, "I betchya DOO!" will be my catch phrase. Say it somewhat nasally. When you emphasize "DOO!" hold it, starting with a higher-pitched OO going quickly to a medium register. Pretend the OO is going down the first section of a rollercoaster. Fun? Sure is! Think it'll catch on? I betchya DOO!