Saturday, May 07, 2005

More Pictures Stolen from FARK.com

Killer Japanese Seizure Robots!




Tastes like it.







Something informative? This shouldn't be in here.

R R R !

I've read some old schoolbooks for history projects, and this is tame.

I have lots more pictures of the Popes. Last month was Popariffic.

My favorite.

Apostrophe Catastrophe



Kurt Cobain's hometown in Washington state.

Mt. St. Helens, 1980



See?

The drum set behind Ashlee Simpson. Honest.



Thanks Ed!









Lived at a waste dump. Honest.



Put this up at work!





Yo's grave. RIP

I saw this on exhibit in Boston. Why you keepin' down the South?















$$$

He's a fiscal conservative.







I still think her best work was in The Professional.









ecnalubmhaaaw.

"4, 4, 3 and 2, you gotta know what it means for you"

I pity the fool who don't like Cinco de Mayo. Did I just type that? Oh, I'm so witty.

Ooh, and here are some pictures from that christening I was telling you about!

Had 'em both. Honest.

"Phew, it only says '665.'"



I love this one. Thanks to all the other losers at FARK.com for helping me waste time this past month.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Dictionary.com/propitiated

TomServo0's Word of the Day

As I write this, it is 5/5/05 and 5:05 AM. I'm here at the university library trying to finish a paper. Good thing the prof moved back the due date until Friday, because I'm on page 9 and it has to be 15. This paper is kicking my butt. It's on the religions of pre-colonial India, so as an American History it would do nothing else but kick my butt. I don't even know what I'm writing! I have to give up and try again tomorrow. Dang.

Well, I didn't learn anything from doing all this homework, but here's what I did find out as I wrote it:

Sarah G: Moved back to town
Megan S: Quit her job today, got a new one
Stephen Colbert: Has a new show called The Colbert Report! It's gonna be AWESOME!!!! (4 exclamations, a first! Now five! I mean, seven!)
Dave Chappelle: Has pneumonia and can't tape new Chappelle Shows
UB Microfilm Collection: Surprisingly quiet from midnight to 5 in the morning
Pastoralism and Nomadism: Two very different things
Propitiated means: See link above
Canisius Quad Party: Is today!
Ed S: As usual, Ed was also writing a 15-page paper tonight. And as usual, he was 6 pages ahead of me when I talked to him.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Was this review helpful to you?



If you're not a fan of Bil Keane's Family Circus cartoon, you're with me. We aren't alone, either. Amazon got rid of most of the reviews below, but for a time Bil and his book collections were great fodder for bitter creative writers. People also posed as author and publisher of this title, "I Had A Frightmare!". . . .



The author, Embittered Old Cyril , August 17, 2000

I Don't Know What I Was Thinking

Wow. Sorry about that. Sometimes you just have to get this stuff out onto paper. I mean, like, wow. I'm reading back over it right now and I have no idea what the heck I was thinking when I wrote it. It just kind of vomited itself out of my brain. I can't really remember too much about it. I've never done drugs but when I was in junior high I played with a ouija board. My dad told me it would mess with my head. Looks like he was right. Funny. Kind of ironic in a way, I suppose. Ah, heck.


The publisher, Eugene Kim , August 9, 2000

The catharsis of Bil Keane's decades-long fight with drugs

"I Had a Frightmare" is by far Keane's most personal work to date. Flushing out all of his horrible experiences, from 'Nam, to his battle against heroin addiction, even to his occasional acid flashbacks, Keane exorcises all the demons of his life and, as a consequence, of America's life since the 60's. Move over Hunter S. Thompson, America has a new spokesperson for the traumas of drugs and social instability!


5 of 5 stars Suburban Psycho, October 3, 2001

Reviewer: Stanley Duke

We all read American Psycho and thought "why did what's-his-name put all those product names in between the good scenes?" Bill Keane is back again to show the literary punks how it's done, and whether it's Dolly sealing up PJ's rear with a hot glue-gun to hide the evidence or Mommy forcing raw hunks of still-squirming Barfy down Jeffy's throat as the rest of the coven watches, horror piles upon horror at a relentless pace that can only presage an insanity plea at Keane's upcoming trial. Sensitive arty-farty types mince over this or that romantic suicide who leaves some fey scribblings to posterity: the blowtorch ferocity of Bill Keane, daring to live as he writes despite the possibility of execution or at least chemical castration, leaves weak-willed pansies in the dust. Illustrated.


15 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5 of 5 stars you should all be ashamed of yourselves!, September 28, 2001

Reviewer: Zingty Farven (see more about me) from Copenhagen

I think most of the other reviewers are COMPLETELY misinterpreting Keane's work. Bil Keane is a family cartoonist, not a pornographer or a horror writer. THE FAMILY CIRCUS IS SOMETHING THAT THE WHOLE FAMILY CAN ENJOY TOGETHER.

I am not from America but I have lived there. I can tell how accurate Keane's depictions are. IT IS CLEAR THAT THE OTHER REVIEWERS HAVE NEVER LIVED IN AMERICA - THEY ARE PROBABLY ALL FROM JAPAN.

Frankly, there is nothing in the book to support one Jason Zeaman's argument that Keane's use of Not Me consitutes some sort of solipsistic meandering. Because he is disemboweled by what is clearly the evil force in _I Had a Frightmare_, Not Me must be seen as the (non-)embodiment of the interconnectedness of identity. The very name "Not Me" mocks the consideration that identity is divisible; that identity is objective and not a social construct. This issue, of course, points the way to the heart of the questions that Keane is asking in _Frightmare_: What is reality (is life but a dream - a frightmare?)? What is morality? How much pain can a young child endure?

If the ONE IDENTITY that we all share - the Zen, the Shamanic, interconnectedness of all things - is destroyed (as it is in the modern world, Keane suggests), what are the epistemological and moral repercussions? Sicker than de Sade, more corrupt than Joe Coleman, Keane is a philosopher on par with a certain evil clown named Gacy.

Just because of all the graphic bestality you label him a pornographer; just because of all the demonic ramblings and pictorialized ritual murder you label him a horror writer. Get a life! Why are you trying to relegate such important work to somewhere outside the FAMILY domain - where we need it most? May Jeffy haunt your Frightmares.


55 of 55 people found the following review helpful:

5 of 5 stars I have to disagree, April 15, 2001

Reviewer: Jason Zeaman (see more about me) from Valley Forge, WA

While I enjoyed it as much as the rest of those who reviewed it I have to think that we were reading different books. Jeffy doesn't slowly descend "into madness" and there isn't anything existential about this book. This is simply a fine, though definitely allegorical, retelling of the great American coming of age story. When one steps back a bit and focuses through the story, very much like a 3-D stereoscopic painting, the symbols and allusions become much clearer.

Lil' Jeffy's killing spree suddenly becomes not "random acts of violence...gruesome and inexplicable" but a brave and inevitable part of his maturation process from boy to man.

Take the disembowlment of Not Me. Think about it for a moment. No I mean it, really think. Who is Not Me? The question alone echoes the first lines of Hamlet, "Who's there?" as the castle guard addresses what he thinks is the ghost of Hamlet's father and more directly is asking the very question of identity itself.

Not...me. All that is outside of myself or not myself. To kill, to completely and very viscerally destroy, all that is Not Me is to assert that which is Me in the clearest way possible. What Keane is doing here, as do most great authors, is bringing the intangible into tangible. By allowing Jeffy to destroy, murder and bludgeon his family, his playmates and his God he is simply illustrating the very real, but intangible process of destruction and creation that we must all go through as we create a self.

While on a business trip to SF last year associates of mine visited the wonderful Cartoon Art Museum in San Francisco (don't miss it!) where they had an outstanding collection of Keane's early works, possibly the finest state-side collection ever put together. Interestingly enough the one panel that really stuck with them for long after they had left the exhibition was a rare unpublished strip. It featured a nude Bill Keane turning toward the reader from his drawing table, a quick glance down and the caption, "And they call me little Jeffy...". Perhaps with this look into Keane's soul "I Had a Frightmare" more easily comes into focus.

Clearly this is a man grappling with his own rocky, but ultimately triumphant, passage through puberty. I'm just so profoundly glad that he chose to take us all along for the ride.



66 of 69 people found the following review helpful:

5 of 5 stars Strong Anti-Drug Message, January 11, 2001

Reviewer: Albert Lee Esse from Andissa, Greece

After watching Mommy and Daddy pass out after a particularly lengthy free-basing session, little Jeffy puts some crack into their crack pipe, and the result is predictably tragic. Brain damaged from impure crack, little Jeffy suffers from profoundly debilitating nightmares and has trouble speaking coherently. Daddy is thrown in jail for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, trafficking, theft, procurement, break and enter, and littering, and while imprisoned, is savagely and repeatedly raped by a long succession of supremely well-endowed inmates, guards, wardens, lawyers, priests, rabbis, psychiatrists, members of the media, uncles, cousins, friends, nephews, congressmen, senators, Marion Barry, Richard Pryor, John DeLorean, and George W. Bush.

This is an excellent start to Bil Keane's Gay and Lesbian Porn series. _I Had a Frightmare_ is the first book in the series, and Keane has promised that if sales are encouraging, more books will come out. In the book's foreword, Keane writes:

"Ever since I first started drawing comics, I was intrigued with the idea of a gay and lesbian-porn series of comic books, but the idea was always at the back of my mind. My wife was always enthusiastic about the idea, but whether it was laziness or fear of its rejection, I just never started. But recently when my kids joined with my wife in pushing me to draw some porn, I thought, 'What the hell, people are much more liberal these days, I'll give it a shot.' And so, after three or four snifters of cognac, I got out my pencils and papers and set to work. I hope you won't be disappointed."

Readers won't be disappointed if every book in the series is as good as this one. The goals of this series are to:

"1. Present gay and lesbian pornography that is tasteful, a book you wouldn't be embarrassed to read on a bus or leave on your coffee table. 2. Present safe sexual practices. 3. Present a positive message to gay and lesbian youth. It's OK to be queer. 4. Present a celebration of sexuality. 5. Present porn as a way to comment on the evils of society."

This book easily achieves all of its goals. The sex is explicit as all good pornographic comic books should be, its drawings never given to merely titillate, but are integrated gracefully with the plot, mood, characters, and motivations of the characters. And while Daddy is always brutally raped, all of the assailants always wear a condom. I have about 16 000 pornographic comic books, and this one is easily within the top twenty per cent.


30 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5 of 5 stars Who cares if Shultz is dead...we've got Keane, August 25, 2000

Reviewer: Rek of X (see more about me) from the Mall of America

"Frightmare" is undeniable proof that Keane is thegreatest artist/author alive today. The title alone had me hyperventilating with raucous laughter for I don't know how long. This book, like all of Keane's work, whisks me away to a magical place, where I like to pretend that I am Jeffy, and I endlessly relive the timeless comic in which Jeffy reveals to Dolly that he doesn't like to kiss Daddy on Saturday morning because Daddy's face is scratchy. How true that is! It's as if Keane has some technologically advanced cloak of invisibility, and moved undetected about my home during my childhood -- every comic is a literal reenactment of a scene from my early youth!

Guys, this is an essential buy. Before "Frightmare" I was a nobody, a loser, a lonely, pathetic man with no one to hold me. Now, by simply repeating "Frightmare's" puns at strategic moments in bars or at bus stops, I have become every woman's treasure. What a blessing this book has been. That I can only award this masterpiece a mere five stars is evidence that Amazon's rating system is in critical need of an overhaul. I give this literary triumph 25 stars!


58 of 59 people found the following review helpful:

5 of 5 stars I had to change my underwear, August 3, 2000

Reviewer: William Bennett from Joe, Montana

This book was terrific. The countless number of puns and jokes left me rolling on the floor and wetting myself. I love how Bill Keane so wonderfully illustrates the typical American family in this saga, which deals with issues such as Dolly's abortion, Jeffy's crack cocaine habit, and Not Me's bout with homosexual feelings. This is not only a fantastic book, but the quintessential reading experience of the decade.


31 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

5 of 5 stars Roll over Edgar Allen and tell Stephen King the news., August 3, 2000

Reviewer: Len Luxor from A safer place

Despite his recent failed attempt at horror, the 1998 slasher dud "I Dismember Dolly", Bil Keane continues to push the envelope of the genre with this, his newest collection, "I Had a Frightmare". Then again, the chameleon-like Keane has never been an artist to back down from a creative challenge or one afraid to test the limits of his audience. One read of "Frightmare" and you'll know what I mean.

The protagonist and, as we later discover, the narrator of this 3-part serial is none other than Jeffy, the lovable bubble-headed boy from several of Keane's seminal works. The child's slow descent into madness results in a tasty hodgepodge of existential torment and rage. (Think "Hamlet" as told by Stephen Dadelus on his way to William Burrough's pad to score some bad crystal meth, before taking Carrie to the ice cream social.) The angst-ridden Jeffy commits random acts of violence so gruesome and inexplicable, the reader can only wonder what would have become of this sweet child had he not been tormented regularly by the ghastly specters of his grandparents. Except for the extended torture scene in Part II, the narrator never really comes to terms with his insatiable bloodlust.

This work features some of Keane's most disturbing images to date and is certainly not recommended for the light-hearted. Fans of Keane's older work may not enjoy it but I proclaim "I Had a Frightmare" a success indeed! Lovers of horror will enjoy this page-turner but I can guarantee you'll leave on the nightlight for a few weeks. 5 stars only because I can't give it 6!


50 of 52 people found the following review helpful:

5 of 5 stars Wonderful read, July 26, 2000

Reviewer: Joshua Lobo (see more about me) from New Haven, Ct

"When Young Jeffy woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a monstrous vermin." With this startling, bizarre, yet surprisingly funny first sentence, Keane begins his masterpiece, I Had a Frightmare. It is the story of a young man who, transformed overnight into a giant beetlelike insect, becomes an object of disgrace to his family, an outsider in his own home, a quintessentially alienated man. A harrowing -- though absurdly comic -- meditation on human feelings of inadequecy, guilt, and isolation, I Had a Frightmare has taken its place as one of the mosst widely read and influential works of twentieth-century fiction. As W.H. Auden wrote, "Keane is important to us because his predicament is the predicament of modern man."


19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5 of 5 stars A chilling look at the world of the demonic, July 20, 2000

Reviewer: A reader from St. Louis, MO

A true horror classic! Keane fictionalized the true story of a child's demonic possession in the 1940s. The deceptively simple story focuses on Dolly, the 11-year-old daughter of a cartoonist; the child apparently is possessed by an ancient demon. It's up to a small group of overwhelmed yet determined humans, led by the reverend Damien Carass, to somehow rescue Dolly from this unspeakable fate. Purposefully raw and profane, this novel still has the extraordinary ability to literally shock us into forgetting that it is "just a story." I Had a Frightmare remains a truly unforgettable reading experience.


15 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

4 of 5 stars Should be made into a movie, November 11, 1999

Reviewer: Steve Bruman from New York

The ghosts of Grandpa, Not Me, and Ida Know torment the dreams of poor Jeffy. Bil, Thel, and the rest of the family wink and laugh at him. That is, until the strange things start happening around the house. Read it for yourself, this is one fine book.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

ARTVOICE.com

ARTVOICE.com

The 28 April issue of Artvoice has a horrible poem on page 13. Let me copy it for you without written consent of the author:

"Live From Baghdad"

Ten days before Christmas
In line at the post
office, I choose the Breast
Cancer Stamps that cost $8
instead of the usual $6.40.
A famous poet is standing
off to the side
waiting for someone
I try to catch
some of his vibes.
Throughout the day, I notice
friends slipping away
instead of converging
for the holiday. An ellipsis
appears where a tree
and a roast turkey should
be. At college, students are
anxiously clutching
at deadlines.
Heading home,
the darkness of the 6:00 sky
turns me into a 5-year-old,
outside, alone, lost.
Morning has moved
so far away.
At 7:30 I decided:
skirt today and lipstick,
amethyst smoke.
At 7:30 the President decided:
launch the air attack
on Saddam Hussein.

--irene simon sipos


Come on, Irene. You have a lousy, boring life, and your poetry is even worse. Coming from a guy who blogs about Subway sandwiches and Natalie Imbruglia, you should be ashamed. When I read this poem, this is what went through my mind:

"Look At My New Poem"

On December 15th
I bought stamps. I'm
telling you this because
I bought the expensive ones
and charity is worthless unless
someone sees you doing it.
Anyway, I saw someone talented,
unlike myself. I
really wish I had
some talent! Not even
my so-called friends
will talk to me anymore, not even
to wish me Merry Christmas.
I wish I
could be in college again.
I had friends then.
It got dark and I
felt even more alone, which is
technically impossible.
That's when I decided
looking like a whore
would get me attention.
But saying "Bush sucks"
would get me published.

--tom servo zero

Friday, April 29, 2005

A Hard Day's Rockin'

Danko Jones


The night started off with a Cheesy Gordita Crunch at Taco Bell. They aren't on the menu anymore but I heard about them from Steve Ferguson's blog, and he was right: they're like a tsunami of flavor! Rock horns for this meal all the way.

I totally munched that taco.

Then I went to Mohawk Place for a Danko Jones / Johnny Nobody show. It freakin' rocked. But I didn't feel like pictures and left that up to Joe; he should have them posted soon. Seriously, Danko Jones is a rock monster.

We bumped into Bob, an ollllllld high school classmate. He's very "independent." One time he came over and taught my brother the word "feces." Dave, Joe and I talked to him about rockin'. Cuz rockin's the best topic of them all.

We hung around outside after the show. Then whaddya know but the devil himself, Mark "Madd Dogg" Miller showed up with a huge Arizona RX Energy drink, ready to reconquer Buffalo. That man is all business. We talked shop for an hour or so. (Pop Pop) Booya.

Finally, this is Jerry's new digital video studio setup. It's cool, but this shouldn't be in the kitchen. It's an old pic and has nothing to do with the hard rockin' we did all night. Rock on.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Bubb Rubb's Crib

Woo WOO

Tonight I went to court for a speeding ticket and got a fine ($95) and two points on my license. Does anyone know how much that will affect my insurance? Anyway, now that I have a record I'm feeling like a real bad ass. Good girls best stay away. There's things about me you don't know, ladies. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand. You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner; a rebel.

The Woods

"Entertain"

It seems that I haven't made a decent post since April 6. That's okay considering hardly anyone comments when I do post. So what's been going on since then? Well, they buried one pope and elected another. People that hate the Catholic Church or want little to do with it are upset that the cardinals didn't pick the pro-gay, pro-abortion, anti-Catholic, secular humanist cardinal they'd pinned their hopes on. CNN says the new guy is a conservative. That means they can argue about him on Crossfire! In fact, they did a special report about Robert Novak and how his Catholic faith affects him personally. One point two billion Catholics and CNN picks Novak to exemplify them all? That's a whole lot of outed intelligence operatives. In other news, Bill Frist et al. went to church to tell Christians what Jesus would do if He were a Senator. If you haven't noticed, I love when politics corrupts religion! Church and state could never be fully separate; I don't have a problem with one influencing the other a little bit. They are both major institutions in society and should both work towards the common good. It's when politicians use the pulpit as a soapbox to gain power. Frist is being groomed for the 2008 presidential election. Remember at the end of the 2004 campaign when Kerry spoke at a black church congregation about health care? WTFrick? We can't let this stuff continue. And I've been to church about three times this past year, so I know what I'm talking about.

Right now I'm listening to Hammer's "Too Legit To Quit" album. That guy had style! He also rolls Rs where Rs don't exist. It's fascinrrrrrrrrating if you ever check it rrrrrrout.

Tonight my schedule is a little freer (more free?) but lately I've been applying to jobs while writing papers. April 25th was my birthday, most of which was spent trying to format footnotes. I had a major paper due but the computer decided to take half of the text, turn it into superscript, and put half of my footnotes in the left margin instead of at the bottom of the page. It was astounding. And when it tried printing itself out in Arabic font? Priceless. Never save a WordPerfect file as a Microsoft Word one. In fact, avoid WordPerfect altogether. Jobwise, I took an entry test for the U.S. Department of State. It was six hours long and created by the ACT people. Questions were as varied as What does a modem do?/Who wrote Death of a Salesman?/Through which country could you build the shortest pipeline between Turkmenistan and the Indian Ocean?/List the topics you've gone to the library to learn about outside of schoolwork/The Ubiquitous Argumentative Essay. It's a pretty competitive test so I better keep looking for work. I had an interview for a schoolteacher job that went well, but they just wanted to screen people in case an opening turned up over the summer. I had an interview for a summer job teaching reading classes, but they wanted me to relocate to New York City on my own dime because local positions were taken by people with seniority. I'm working on a Post Office application that's 10+ pages and requires a police background check. I better get a jobby-job quick, as turning 25 automatically pulls me out of my parents' health care plan.

BUT! To anyone who called or E-mailed on my birthday, thank you. At the house we got a pizza and wings. That's all you really need for a birthday anyhow. My mother bought me a rice cooker; I like my rice cooked and it was a thoughtful gift. She also bought me not one, but TWO pocketwatches. She has a habit of getting me things that don't make sense every year, but this year I thought she was cured until I opened that third box. I guess it's the thought, or the lapse in thought, that counts.

Check out Joe's blog, listed to the right, to check out the short film "Plumpers" by Maverick Ferguson. It's hilarious fun for the whole family, filmed by a whole family. Proudly, I helped with some of the musical ideas (uncredited, as I do it for the Art).

Danko Jones will be in town tomorrow night! So will Salman Rushdie. Hmm. See you at Danko Jones! Fatwa? Go on a dietwa!

I look forward to the following summer releases:

Sleater-Kinney (see above, but I'm never sure about their videos)
Nine Inch Nails (Dave Grohl on drums!)
Foo Fighters (double album)
Weezer (actually I heard it, and it isn't that good)
Ben Folds (just found out)
White Stripes (when did they do that?)
Beck (already out: not his best, but bad for him is still great)
Cucumber + Ginseng (it's gonna happen)

There is much more. My life is undoubtably interesting, and you are interested in it. My opinions are well-reasoned and worth reading. You have lots of time to spend on my blog. Drink more Ovaltine.

ts0

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Passports to be required to enter from Canada

Buffalo News

So I went to a Rochester Amerks game with Joe. He already posted pictures on his own blog and they look just like these. Next time there's a group outing I'm going to confer with Joe beforehand as to who should take pictures, because we have pretty much the same camera and the same vantage point. You're still going to see all thirteen photos whether you like it or not.

Look! The ice is blue! The blue line is orange! The Maple Leafs are playing during a strike! It's BIZARRO world.

The ice! Blue!

The uniforms! Blue!

The zamboni! BLUE!

Labatt ads! Blue!!

There were over 15,000 people at the game! The match was a success! The crowd roared like a lion!

A blimp and two zambonis . . . walk into a bar. . . .

The cameraman, with an assistant holding an electrified poster roll.

The roof (not on fire).

It's the American Moose. Isn't it good to know that Sabretooth can still get work, or that Bam Margera's family aren't too famous to go see a nice hockey game?

The guy in the red is the Why Guy, uh, Kevin Nealon?

University Subway.

Friday, April 01, 2005