Where Are You Now, When We Need You Most, Rage Against The Machine?

The Onion

I was gone for three weeks, and in that time my family didn't take out the trash. I don't know why. But in three weeks, many things can rot, stink, become covered in maggots, and fester in the August sun. I returned home to find our trash room wreaking of ****. The trash was finally rid of the other day, but larvae turned into beautiful flies by that time. Now there are hundreds of flies in the house (I don't live in the house, luckily). Tonight I found them swarmed together around a single lit lightbulb. Other insects have been attracted as well, and in the minutes where I checked on the situation one stung me on the lip. I also found a neighbor's cat in my kitchen but it ran off before I could catch it. The moral of this story is: don't come to visit. I need another vacation.