FREDLINE NEWS for Saturday, 26 July 2003

FREDLINE NEWS UPDATE: NOT ANOTHER ONE OF THESE THINGS

If you do not want these anymore, please reply and say so. Please use "please" when doing so, because your mother taught you manners. You can use the old E-mails to line the cage of your Tamogatchi pet. I think that's how it's spelled. For anyone that likes to see the same thing in two different formats (e.g. Betamax, for example) it is posted on pub72.ezboard.com/bpublius.

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DRINK MORE OVALTINE
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FREDLINE SPORTS: INJURY HAMPERS ENGLISH MAJOR'S CHANCES OF MAKING NFL DRAFT

Terre Haute, IN: It could take several weeks of rehab, but the repercussions of last Tuesday's fall during an afternoon run could put Jeffrey Grose out of the running for the next NFL Draft.

Grose, a graduate student at Indiana State University, wanted to be eligible for the NFL Draft hoping to be drafted by the nearby Indianapolis Colts.

"Yeah, I've been limping around a little, so I'll have to stop running for a while. I think I pulled something," the dejected athlete remarked. "Maybe next year."

Grose runs several times a week, depending on his study schedule and weather conditions. Though never playing in professional or collegiate sports, he was a member of several intramural football teams and played countless 1-on-1 basketball games with his younger brother. Once last November Grose remarked that it would "be really cool if I got drafted in the last rounds of the [NFL] Draft. Dude I'd be rich." Though expressing at numerous occations that NFL players are overpaid babies, sources close to Grosse have hinted that a large NFL salary would not hinder his decision to enter the league.

The Colts front office was unavailable for comment.
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FREDLINE NEWS WORLD TOUR

The FREDLINE NEWS staff will be in the Czech Republic for the next 2-3 weeks, doing--of course--The Lord's Work. Though there are unknown hazards ahead, one thing is certain: we here at FREDLINE NEWS are prepared for the threat of terrorism, whether here or abroad.

As per recent comments by President George "Wuh?" Bush taunting would-be terrorists to "come and get us" [That's a paraphrase. We don't do a lot of fact-checking], we offer those same terrorists the following scenario:

--You (the terrorist) tries to hijack our international flight to Frankfurt
--We (the FREDLINE NEWS staff) goes Passenger 57 on your hiney.
--We (the FREDLINE NEWS staff) become national heroes, appearing on Letterman (NOT Leno, unless he offers more $$), Charlie Rose, and of course Larry King.
--During the call-in session at Larry King, the recently-returned-home Jessica Lynch rings me up to applaud our bravery in the face of impending doom.
--We reply, with a sly grin and a wink, "Hey, you're not so bad yourself."
--We (our staff, and Jessica Lynch) chat for a while about being heroes, the weather in West Virginia, etc.
--We get digits.
--Awesome.

Admit it, she is kind of cute.


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To those of you looking for a DIFFERENT news source, that we here at EDLINE NEWS cut through the crap (FR) and get straight to the point (ED). It's just staight News here at EDLINE. As our motto states: "We report We decide." EDLINE NEWS: Ed's opinion for you.

pub72.ezboard.com/fpubliu...D=52.topic
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EDITORIAL NOTE

We here at FREDLINE NEWS would just like to answer a few of the bogus claims being knocked around by the upstart media rival known as EDLINE NEWS. As their press release claims, the staff of FREDLINE NEWS has done everything from being "politically biased, and unfair," to having connections with the government of Saudi Arabia, Ashley Judd, and a Russian bride smuggling ring.

All of these accuations are complete fabrications, or as we call them in the journalism business, "horsehockey." Nay, ED is a pucking liar. Though the ongoing relationship between a member of the FREDLINE NEWS staff and actress Ashley Judd is verifiable and a private matter, everything else is purely and utterly untrue.

We challenge the staff of EDLINE NEWS to corroborate their insinuations. We also match your four insinuations and rise you one more. That's right, we here at FREDLINE NEWS have found ample evidence to prove that ED is EVIL. One look at the following website should explain everything.

asgard.drakhar.com:8080/a...eviled.jpg


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Our News Anchorette of the Month for July is Baghdad Bob. He's not exactly a woman or a newsperson, but we all love him dearly. Be sure to check out his new movie at www.baghdadbobdvd.com.


Toodles.