Table Scraps

Column as I see 'em:

--Once at an English Language camp in the Czech Republic, I woke up the campers to my own rendition of "One Foot In The Grave" (the harmonica part in that Beck performance) over the PA system. Yes, I play harmonica. No, quite badly, but I appreciate the interest.

--With all the work I did this month it's fantastic that I have a 3-day weekend coming up. By 3-day weekend I mean that I will wake up at 6 AM on Friday, teach and go to meetings, and then spend the rest of the weekend grading, writing tests, researching and writing lessons for the next week. That should only take 20 hours or so. Good thing I worked 40 hours by Thursday so I can enjoy this "break."

--Cover charges kind of suck, especially if you don't drink. That said, you miss out on some great conversation if you skip out.

--Blogger now says there's a "Scheduled outage at 8PM." This waste-of-precious-free-time post may well be a real waste of precious free time.

--When buying lunch at Wegmans today, the girl exclaimed "You must eat here every day!" and then, "I see you more than you see my brother!" Then I find out I work with her brother. I should start eating somewhere else before I get adopted.

--Speaking of adopted, my professor/boss is adopting a newborn at the end of December. Congrats! Since you hear horror stories about adoption and red tape, I asked her how she got a match so quickly (only two weeks to be assigned a domestic-born child). Her reply was that it's easy if you don't list "white" as a preference. Think about that for a second.

--Speaking of white people, a couple was Christmas shopping in my store and wanted to get a doll for their daughter. They requested I check the back for other dolls because the ones on the shelf were too "ethnic." At first I thought they wanted a doll that resembled their daughter, but when they waited 10 minutes for me to find a blonde doll but settled for a brunette instead (the ones on the shelf were hispanic and asian) I got pretty disgusted.

--Speaking of that store, my supervisor's wife just got pregnant. There must be something about knowing me that produces children.

--Speaking of giving birth, it doesn't really show but I lost 10 pounds this year. Thanks, stress & fatigue! Lose 10 more and I'll buy you some new pants.

--"Eventually, everyone's going to lie, everyone's going to cry, and everyone's going to take a painful sh*t." --the Bill Cosby of our generation

--Living at home is such a drag . . . but when you're living with just your father in a 3-bedroom apartment and it's only to sleep and shower, what's the use of moving out? I should keep saving my money and milk this for a few more months.

--Finally, something awesome for local history nerds straight from the Preservation Coalition: "The downtown cell phone tour will rollout this coming spring. Visitors and Buffalonians will be able to call a number and listen to explanations of over 50 sites around downtown. All it will cost will be air time minutes, and it will be available 24 hours a day, year round. This tour will have been two years in the making." Now you can take a tour of Buffalo's East Side all by yourself at 3 in the morning.

Great Stuff

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I only spend 1-2 waking hours at home lately, but I want to use some of that precious time to give out a word of thanks. Holly, thank you for exposing me to Marshmallow Candied Yams last week. The world will never taste quite the same.

Good News For People Who Love Bad News

One of the original principles behind this blog was to not post anything substantial or newsworthy. I have, with some exceptions, done an admirable job over the past 4+ years. But if it's good news, why not pass it along? The other day my good Canisius buddy Sarah G got engaged! She and Phil, her long-time boyfriend, have been dating since forever so it's about damn time! In honor of the occasion I scanned part of a letter she wrote me on September 10, 1999:

Yes, it's really taken that long. They're planning on next summer to tie the knot. If they wait just a little longer they can skip over the entire Bush Administration!

In other news, on the very same day I bumped into my first girlfriend, Beth. It was by no means a serious relationship--she lived an hour away and we were in middle school--meaning I felt more like I'd won the lottery than met an old flame. I had not seen or talked to this person in at least 12 years but always wondered what happened to her.

Fun facts about Beth:

--The second of triplets: Abby, Beth, and Cathy. Abby dated my younger brother for a long time.

--Right before becoming my girlfriend, Beth got four guys to pick me up by my arms and legs to throw me in a lake. Luckily they gave up on their plan because (1) I couldn't swim and (2) the lake was covered in algae. I probably should have seen the writing on the wall right there.

--She is currently studying elementary education at a two-year college. When I dated her she had graduated from elementary school just two years before.

--In her spare time, she races stock cars at speedways. No, really!

As long as we're on the subject, here's a picture my sister took of her, waaaaay back. We were probably around 13 at the time. If she sees that I posted this, will she find me and kill me?

(Simpler times, brighter colors. She's at the top of the pile)

TV is Dead

I barely watch TV but could surf the Internet all day. The following clips are bookmarked in my browser and it's time to clean them out.



Mighty Night. It's kinda funny the first time.



Breaking news of the JFK assassination



The Immature Radioactive Samurai Slugs!



The infamous, man-I-gotta-try-it "Ass Pennies" sketch



The banned-but-true "Conspiracy Theory Rock"



The Tourette's weatherman

Cat has a toilet flushing obsession
No embed, but it might be my favorite of the bunch



A one hour BBC documentary on the politics behind Tetris. Yes, Tetris! It's great!



"Bernie und Ert." Ed, can you translate?



The Space Camp Song



And you thought I was bad with directions . . .



Borat meets David Letterman, does a collabo with Beck

The Nutty Buddy. Thanks, Joe



Marvin Gaye sings the national anthem



Film clips of exploding heads. Does anyone remember when Craig Kilborn did The Daily Show? No? All right then.