FREDLINE NEWS UPDATE: FREDLINE NEWS UPDATED.
Welcome to another mildly interesting editon of FREDLINE NEWS. If you'd rather
prefer to read TV Guide or some other comparable media, please reply and
request an unsubscription. This issue will also be posted at ub72.
ezboard.com/bpublius just in case it gives your computer a virus and you lose
the file.
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FRIENDSTER!
The new trend: Pretend friends! Join Friendster.com today and hook up with new
friends, old friends, red friends, blue friends! Try the address that came
with this E-mail, and find out what true friendship is all about: sporadic E-
mails and grainy thumbnail pics!
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FREDLINE NEWS: MAN LOSES FAITH IN HUMANITY
(Erie County, USA) A surprising turn of events took place at a Burger King on
the I-90 last Sunday when a summer worker, known only by the "FRED" on his
nametag, lost faith in human kind. The conclusion came about after the
hamburger grill broke, meaning "FRED" had to explain that burgers were not for
sale.
"I made signs that said, 'NO BURGERS - GRILL BROKEN'" commented "FRED." What
more did I need to do? Is everyone dumb?"
It is estimated that 1 in 2 customers had receive a personal explanation of
what the signs meant, while 1 in 5 needed to learn that the "Whopper" was a
kind of burger and hence unavailable. Also, 1 in 8 pointed to the signs and
asked "Does that mean there are no burgers?"
After two hours, "FRED" got really frustrated. "After two hours I got really
frustrated," he recalled, "so I made MORE signs. I even drew big X's on sheets
of paper and put them over the pictures of all the food on the menu. Do you
think that helped? NO!"
Justifiably so, many customers were also quite upset at the situation. One
became visibly angry. "What do you mean there are no burgers?!" the woman
yelled before she stomped away. "I've been waiting in line for 20 minutes!
The LEAST you could do is put up a sign!"
In an unrelated story, "FRED" is continuing to tell himself he has a career
future outside of Burger King and is only working there to help pay for
college.
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INFLATIBLE CHURCH! INFLATABLE CHURCH!
Need a church on the go? Wish you didn't have to go to church, and had the
church come to YOU? Try the new Inflatable Church at inflatablechurch.com!
Finally, blowing up a church is a GOOD thing!
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QUOTES IN FUTILITY, PART ONE
From the employee bulletin board at Burger King:
"Lets remember why we are all here; we need money to live, and we need to have
a job to earn that money. We are here out of basic necessity. Let's make the
best of the situation. We are all here by choice no one is forcing us to be
here. Why don't we stop worrying about what we can't change? Let's not worry
about everyone else, lets concentrate on our selves and how we can do the best
work we can do to earn that money that is letting us survive. In the scheme of
things let's be glad that we are surviving. Let's all make the best of our
work environment. Let's be happy to be here each day. And be glad that the
others are able to be here too.
Going into summer lets decide to make it a good one, and remember to be happy,
it doesn't do any good to be sad or mad, be glad." [sic]
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EDITOR'S NOTES
It's a new month, and you know what that means: the *NEW* FREDLINE NEWS
Anchorette Centerfold for June is Maria Bartiromo of CNBC. And why not? Not
only is our dear Maria a bright shining face in a sea of middle-aged, balding
male financial experts, she's also a Rock Chick! Fun fact: Joey Ramone wrote a
song about her on his last solo album. Look it up!
"One of my hobbies is the stock market," Ramone said in March 1999. His
fascination at the time was a daily financial analysis program on cable station
CNBC.
"I watch this show Squawk Box every morning, and they have this host named
Maria [Bartiromo] who is really hot and feisty," Ramone said. "When I stopped
drinking, I started getting into the stock market because it's sort of like a
mosh pit down there."
A demo of the song mixes the British Invasion sound of the Who's early material
with a touch of the Ramones' career-long fascination with Motown girl groups.
"I watch her every day/ I watch her every night/ She's really out of sight/
Maria Bartiromo," Ramone sings.
Hey Maria, you can ring MY "opening bell" any day! Also, it's good we found a
new Anchorette Centerfold because the one for May--Linda Stouffer of Headline News--gave
birth a couple weeks ago and will be on maternity leave for a while. Honest,
it's not mine. Congrats Linda, and congrats Maria! We just want to say Good
Luck, and We're all counting on you.
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QUOTES IN FUTILITY, PART TWO
"I don't think the system is 100% effective; I mean, it can't as long as the
human element is involved." --Jury Duty orientation video, City of Buffalo
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
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